Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I have done much reading on NPD and am completely convinced that BM has this. This makes me both more calm (for knowing what the true problem is) and scared (for knowing how crazy she is and will probably never get better).
The most recent issues revolve around a motion to modify the visitation order. BM agreed that changes needed to be made to the visitation order. I should have known that was too good to be true. Our attorney drew up the changes, which were simple changes that benefited both DH and BM. Our original visitation order gave BM the right to pick SD5 up for Church during our weekend visitation, but gave us custody until Monday morning when I was to take SD5 to school. BM showed up to school every Monday morning and refused to allow me to take SD5 to her class. The motion to modify removes the church provision and the Monday morning drop-off. It takes it back to simple weekend visitation 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday. BM agreed to this, simply because she hates me and doesn't want to see my beautiful face on Monday mornings.
The second change was in relation to summer visitation. The original visitation order gave us 2-two week visitation periods from June 1st to June 15th and July 15th to July 30. BM was complaining because she wanted to enroll SD5 in swimming lessons that could only take place during the first two weeks of June. She was also complaining that she didn't get any uninterrupted time with SD5 during the summer so why should DH. Seriously? DH only sees his daughter every other weekend for 48 hours. Isn't the summer visitation supposed to make up for the time he doesn't get to see her during the school year? However, we agreed to change the summer visitation to June 15th to June 30th so SD5 could attend the swimming lessons. We also agreed to change the second visitation to August 1st to August 15th so that BM could have the entire month of July with SD5, with the exception of DH's weekend visitation. We are now entitled to 2-three week summer visitation periods. Because BM agreed to settle the motion outside of court, we agreed to delay that until 2012. Well that wouldn't be good enough for the narcissistic, would it? Here's what she wants. She wants her own summer visitation with SD5. She wants DH to give up his weekend visitation during the summer when he doesn't have her for his two week visitation. She agreed to the 2-3 week visitation in 2012, but only if she could have visitation with SD5 during 2 of the 3 weekends during that visitation. Seriously? She sees her daughter every day, with the exception of every other weekend.
In addition, DH finally realized that verbal communication with BM was only causing chaos, so he has gone to only written communication. And I have become his glorified secretary. He tells me what he wants said to her, I type it, he reviews it, signs it and I mail it. BM now assumes that I am the one calling all the shots and her attorney has asked the DH only communicate with BM verbally and that I am not to be involved in any communication or decision making in regards to SD5 either directly or indirectly. That one simply made me laugh!!!!
The question I would usually ask is what is wrong with this woman? But now that I know she has NPD, I don't have to ask that question anymore. I just have to figure out how to play the game. Any suggestions?
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Mustang I'm so sorry about
Mustang I'm so sorry about your Dad. I agree that all communication should come from DH directly. However, he is only allowed to communicate with her by mailing letters because she says her limited budget doe not afford her to have an e-mail account. Of course, after saying that, she went out and bought a $260k house on a teachers salary. So the letters actually do come from DH. All I do is type them because they need to be concise and to the point and the one time DH wrote one himself, it ended up being 9 pages because he thinks he can fix the crazy woman with a simple letter.
And I don't think you are far off on how SD5 is treated by BM. Our biggest struggle with SD5 is that he lacks the ability to socialize with other children or even entertain herself. She is so used to being attached to her Mother's hip that she doesn't know what to do with herself when she's not. She's definitely not a normal child in that sense. She's almost 6. She still sleeps with a "binky" at BM's house and sleeps with BM most of the time. She is never disciplined and she is mean and cruel to other children, including mine. For crying out loud, SD5 gave up being mean for lent. It didn't last for more than a day but the thought that she's aware she's so mean, it would be a sacrifice to not be is unnerving to me as a parent.
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HI there I am new to the site
HI there
I am new to the site and stumbled onto it when I googled NPD and ex. I am only too aware of the problems you are facing because I encounter them on a daily basis. What I have experienced to work best is to try and minimise the NPD's "emotional traps". What these people want more than anything in the world is reaction, so by avoiding any kind of emotional response, you actually suffocate them. Dont get into arguments with them and dont react angrily. Just tell him/her in a calm voice what you want to say and ignore the rest. Its hard, especially when insults and accusations are thrown into your face, but with practice it gets easier.
hopefully allow the children to "recover" from contact with the NPD and (b) act as contrast to his behaviour so that they will in time see for themselves that his behaviour is not on. Dont bad-mouth him/her in front of them in any way but DO point out his/her mistakes in a matter of fact and calm manner. They have to see that his behaviour is not acceptable and hopefully they will learn from it.
The other thing is, if you have kids with these people, it's not always possible to break contact altogether. UNFORTUNATELY! What I do is to try and provide a balanced home for them which will
Good luck!! These people are impossible and will NEVER change. The only thing you can do is change your own behaviour. It's not easy, but it's possible. As time passes, the effect they have on you will minimise.
All the best!!