Spin Off from BM's Mom's Email
I am so pissed. I am not paranoid. I knew this is how it was. I texted DH that ExMil emailed me. He never responded, which was weird, because even though we aren't together, we've been civil. I asked if he had talked to BM. He didn't answer again. I got pissed so I texted him with "its so funny how to act towards me when SS10 isn't around, its funny how you let him, his mother and her mother harass me". I know I shouldn't have but whatever. And I fibbed about the harassing me part, but again whatever. So he calls me back and says he's sorry and doesn't have any control over them (true, i get that), then goes on to say..."im sorry i ruined our marriage, im sorry i let SS10 ruin our marriage, and im sorry that you have to deal with BM and her family, now I know why BM wants to be best friends". :jawdrop: Hold up...WTF? So I check phone records and sure enough, BM and DH were texting from 9pm-11pm last night. Isn't that convenient, she was always an asshole until now (now that she knows we are splitting up_. THEY WON!!! I just want to cry. I knew they were plotting. They used SS got drive a wedge and it worked. If all was well with SS, I would still be with DH. I think its ridiculous that this has happened.
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Oh, Pantera~ I am so sorry
Oh, Pantera~
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. There is so much hurt just to have a relationship end, but to feel that someone is gloating makes it 100X worse.
(((hugs)))
DH said he wasn't getting
DH said he wasn't getting back together with her. And asked if have lost my mind. I think I have. I am losing it. I am being completely tortured by waiting for this apartment to be ready. I love my husband but nothing is going to change and I can't live my life like this forever. AND I would never make him choose between his son and I, thats why Im leaving.
This is the only time I've whatevered, lol. I know it was wrong but I got answers and Im glad I did because for the last year, I thought I literally was going crazy.
My thoughts exactly. BUT in
My thoughts exactly. BUT in my whateverness, I shouldn't have checked the phone records and really don't want him to know that I did. We are split up so why would it matter (DH's thoughts)?
I know where you're coming
I know where you're coming from (I think). I would rather know the TRUTH than to bury my head in the sand. IF something's going on, I'd rather know about it and deal with it than sweep it under the rug.
So sorry. I think you are
So sorry. I think you are better off without the whole lot of them. Any man that chooses a child over a wife, deserves what he gets. Hug!!!
That sucks Pantera. I'll
That sucks Pantera.
I'll play devil's advocate for a moment:
Do you really think that your DH finally sees what's been going on? If so, do you really think that this is irrepairable? Do you think counseling could help maybe mend some of the frays that have developed due to SS, MIL and BM meddling? Do you WANT to fix this? It sounds as if your DH has many regrets. Maybe he's willing to work at it?
I am on the fence, but I left
I am on the fence, but I left in September and the same things happened and nothing changed. I think he is freaking a little because I actually got an apartment this time. It is just so confusing. I don't want to leave but I feel I have to leave. Even if DH does change, is SS going to change? We went to counseling and it didn't help, nice person, bad counseler. So when I went to DH about getting all of us back into counseling, he refused. I think DH has known whats going on but doesn't know how to repair it and won't take suggestions or advice from anyone. I did want to fix this, now Im not so sure I do. I think DH wants to fix it (now that he knows I am really leaving), but I agree that he has alot of regrets. This life is making me physically ill. I am just so stressed all of the time. It really just sucks that it came to this.
Maybe living apart will help
Maybe living apart will help you two work on the r/ship, if that is possible. The time apart will allow each of you to see if you want the other in your lives. It could be a blessing either way. You are finally over him or he wants to work on having you in his life on your terms.
Good luck.
I did think about that. But
I did think about that. But then I also thought about how much more of an outsider I would be if I came back. Thanks.
sorry for your shitty
sorry for your shitty situation and pita bm..... but i agree the break may do you both good....you may find that you are much happier out of the situation.... and if you do decide to reunite, everybody will know what has to happen for it to work...
I see in previous blogs where
I see in previous blogs where you laid out conditions for DH regarding counseling. I think that was reasonable considering how vicious SS has been to you. That is unacceptable. If DH doesn't want to deal with it, then he doesn't deserve you. And SS will do that to the next woman. DH needs to get a clue. Stand your ground.
Thanks Lizzie.
Thanks Lizzie.
Wow, I'm so sorry, Pantera.
Wow, I'm so sorry, Pantera. That flat out stinks. On the plus side, let it be a reminder that you're doing the right thing for your own happiness and sanity.
Stay strong, darlin'!
I'm so sorry you're going
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you still love him but are so hurt. I'm guessing ideally you would want him to beg for you to not leave and say he'd do whatever it takes to make it work, even if that means more counseling. Talk to his son about how his behavior is unacceptable and he's driving you away and it will not be tolerated. And sure as hell not engage in texting games with the ex. I know that's what I'd want if I were in your situation.
I wish the best for you. It's hard when you love someone, but remember that it takes two in a relationship. So if he's not fighting for you two, you can't do it on your own. If this seperation does become permanent at least you don't have children together.
Hugs to you!
DH wouldn't even have to beg.
DH wouldn't even have to beg. He would just have to try to make it work, thats it. I have talked to his son. When I do it just gets worse, almost like he realizes he's driving me away so he does it more. DH lets this crap happen, thats why we are in this situation.
Thanks Juju. The thing is,
Thanks Juju. The thing is, we have been together for 4 years, married for 1. DH refuses to be a united front with me against anyone.
I'm so sorry you're going
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Pantera. I know this must be so hard.