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Step-Survey

anotherstepdad's picture

I thought it might be interesting to see what everything thinks Smile

3 Short Questions for the Step-parents out there

1. How long have you been a step-parent?
2. How do you like being one?
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it?

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

1. almost 7 years
2. It is not bad the kids really are good for the most part but I have to be honest it would be better if dh and I had married before he had kids. Sad part is we had that opportunity.
3. My biggest challenge is the bm and how crazy she is but thinking she has any say over my kids.

starfish's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? 6 official years (w/ dh 2 yrs before we married)
2. How do you like being one? hate it
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? picking my battles

stormabruin's picture

1. I have been with DH for going on 9 years, however, we just got married in September, so technically I have only been a stepparent for going on 1 year.

2. I love my husband & skids dearly. Our situation has changed completely through our years together. We went from having skids with no contact from BM (her choice) to us having no contact (also her choice). I will say that I definitely preferred having the skids in our lives. I may have felt differently about it had I not known life with them. There was a time I had to pray for patience & help to deal with them, but now I pray for the opportunity to have them in my life. I think much of what I struggle with now lies in the fact that I know what I'm missing. Them being gone has left a giant hole that DH & I can't seem to be able to fill with anything else.

3. The biggest challenge for me personally is trying to cope with not feeling accepted or wanted by my skids. I have so much to offer & so much love to give, but they don't want it. I guess rejection is my biggest personal challenge. As a family unit, BM & PAS are a serious issue. All inclusive I think that is why our family unit fails.

PrincessFiona's picture

3 Short Questions for the Step-parents out there

1. How long have you been a step-parent?
----7 years

2. How do you like being one?
---I wanted to like it, I tried to like it but yet I HATE it

3. Whats your biggest challenge with it?
---having someone else's parenting style (or lack of parenting) affect the way I parent my own kids. also, feeling like a bystander watching an accident happen and not being able to stop it. I'm supposed to care and love but not interject my opinion. seldom works for me.

Willow2010's picture

How long have you been a step-parent
+++++++++++++++
A little over a year. But dated DH for about 9 years before that.

How do you like being one?
+++++++++++++++++++++
I am pretty disengaged so it is not TOO bad. But in general I am not a big fan of being a SP. And if SS was younger, I would HATE it. But that is why we dated for so many years. Lol

Whats your biggest challenge with it?
++++++++++++++++++++
I would have to say watching my DH be a bad parent.

hayuh's picture

1. I have been a step mom for 4 and a half years.

2. I love being a step mom. My SS5 is the greatest thing in the world to me, and I love him as if he were my own. Is being a step-mom always easy ... HELL NO! Sometimes it can be really hard, especially if you have to deal with a crazy BM, but other times it can be very rewarding. But for me the good definitely outweighs the bad, and is for the most part a very rewarding experience.

3. The biggest challenge being a step mom, for me, is dealing with the crazy BM and all of her antics and moods.

JustAnotherSM's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? --- 16 years

2. How do you like being one? --- I liked it, then loved it, then hated it for a while, now I'm back to liking it again

3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? --- BM drama

Pantera's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? 4 years
2. How do you like being one? No.
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? That DH didn't back me and I was the one that was with the child the most.

SteppingUp's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? 1.5 (going on 2) years

2. How do you like being one? Love every minute with the skids. They were young enough when I stepped in (1 and 3.5) that they warmed up to me right away and we all have a very loving relationship. My fiance is supportive of me and everything I do for him and the kids so that definitely helps. I never feel unappreciated or unrecognized. I had my first Mother's Day this year...they got me a gift because they recognized that I was part of their life in a "motherly" way.

3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? At first, feeling like I was stepping into someone else's shoes. I was moving into the house that DF bought with BM and would even find some of her things still there. I had a hard time with the constant reminders that she used to live there. That didn't last too long though. Now, the biggest challenge is dealing with DF's anguish over having had a child with someone he now hates. We have a lot of issues with BM but I do realize many of them stem from their hatred for each other and their inability to communicate and help each other out because of it.
Also, I have to say it...child support is the #2 challenge. So much of the money we make as a household goes towards BM, and she makes more money than both of us combined. Therefore, the money she gets is "play" money for her, not necessarily used for the kids. We are struggling financially so it's just a downer every time DF sees his paycheck after CS has been taken out.

Shaman29's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? About three years.
2. How do you like being one? The jury is still out.
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? Trying not to feel like DH's kid an intrusion in my life.

To clarify #3....I don't consider her an intrusion in OUR life, just my life. I wish I had my own little place to live when his kid is visiting him, so I don't have to be around her smart mouth, her lies, her bad hygiene, her messy room, her messy, torn clothes, the way the dinner table looks after she eats....etc. Just my own little safe haven away from gag factor 10.

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? Almost 5 years
2. How do you like being one? Definitely a challenge
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? BM!!!!!!

astepmom's picture

Another Stepdad:
1. Been together about four years.
2. I like the skids a lot. I like being part of their life. So I guess I like being a step parent? "Like" might be the wrong word. Appreciate maybe?
3. The biggest challenge is that BM skirts around the law and causes trouble without getting caught and lies a lot. Example, "Your dad doesn't love you, that's why they're having a new baby. Because you're not good enough for him."
Thanks!

violetforest's picture

1. how long - 10 years, that is with dating credit time as Bm was not around very much at all.
2. Being a step parent is just as great as being a bio parent love it. I always told the ss's that I got to choose them, better than adoption because you don't know what you are getting with that. When my hubby and I made the decision to get together we talked to our children discussing what it would mean and then we took each other's kids out for a very special dinner so that we could ask them to join in our family also. It was very cool, sit down resturant, fancy outfits and kiddy cotails. lol
3. Biggest challenge - Coming to the realization that I couldn't and shouldn't "protect" the children from the things the other parents were doing like missing visitations, missing childsupport, court hearings and in the ss's case how the Bm treats the boys so drastically different as she withholds the ss13 from his father to "protect" him (the one who looks just like his father) and yet the ss16 lives with us and always has and she often does not take visitation (who looks nothing like his father, makes you wonder doesn't it???)

:O

Sia's picture

1. almost 13 yrs
2. depends on the day, kinda done with the whole thing now
3. ummmmm thats tough, but I'd likely have to say the mental illness....

Snowflake's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? - About 1 and 1/2 years
2. How do you like being one? - Its much more challenging then I ever thought
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? - That am expected to love these kids like they are my own, but I cannot discipline them the way that I want and I am not supposed to have a say in how they are raised.

anotherstepdad's picture

Wow. This one really hits home on #3 - I feel the same way. It's a little bit unfair.

stepmasochist's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? Officially, 1 year. Unofficially, nearly 5 years.

2. How do you like being one? Although it's not the ideal situation, I kind of dig it. DH is a great parent and the kids are all pretty good kids.

3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? BM - she's a dingbat liar ex-crackhead with entitlement issues who takes on the personality and lifestyle of whatever loser she happens to be dating.

vba0719's picture

1. 5 years.
2. I hate it!!!! If I could go back over again I would have never married him! We get along great but the kids seem to get between us!!
3. SD being disrespectul towards me. SS running all over his father. Having to sit back and watch all this trying not to say a word. Sometimes its best just to keep my mouth shut!

NCMilGal's picture

I'm pretty non-typical...

1. How long have you been a step-parent? - 4 years, but we live 900 miles away, so I have seen SD14 ~17 weeks out of those 4 years, what's that equivalent to; a year and a half of EOW?

2. How do you like being one? - I hated it in the beginning because I felt like such a failure; it's a lot easier now that SD14 is growing more mature and it helps that she has always been a very good kid.

3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? - having to listen to stories about emotionally-stunted BM's shenanigans in child-rearing. The next four years are critical in SD14's eventual maturity, and BM... well, in a private email to DH, I referred to BM's parenting style as "How To Be A Skanky Ho lessons".

dreal_jackson's picture

1. How long have you been a step-parent? 8 months
2. How do you like being one? Sometimes I love it other times I hate it
3. Whats your biggest challenge with it? My biggest thing is when my husband has to work at night and I'm home keeping my SS and he doesnt listen at all and wants his mom or dad it's really hard I'm not his mother and I dont want to be either I just wish he would listen to me and I tell my hubsband how I feel and all he says is "I dont know what to say" It's horrible!