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Can anyone explain this? Experienced this?

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Sun, 06/20/2010 - 9:37am

I'm still trying to make sense of things after my breakup. I'm wondering if anyone has felt what I am going to describe or has been with someone who has felt this way: the feeling that starting a new couple's unit/family unit is a betrayal to the biochild(ren) and the previous unit of ex-spouse/ex-spouse/child.

I included "children" in my description but I really am thinking "only child".

Has anyone ever felt that starting a new life is a betrayal to their child and old family unit...to the point where the new unit(new couple and new couple plus kid(s)) fail to ever really develop in the way they should in a serious long-term relationship/marriage situation?

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trysohard's picture

Submitted by trysohard on Sun, 06/20/2010 - 9:55am

I have felt this way when I first married my hubby who had 2 from previous marriage. Now that we have been together and the kids are older we have asked them how they would feel. The kids have been honest and lucky for me...excited about having more siblings.

I think it is normal to feel this way. I, and I assume you, wouldn't want the child to feel like Daddy or Mommy has a new family. For us, we talked about it with all parties and everyone was cool and excited on both ends to extend the blended family unit.

I hope this helps and answers what you were looking for.

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Sun, 06/20/2010 - 10:51am

I guess it is hard for me to explain what I am asking or didn't explain it clearly. I'm not expecting that once people get married that the kids should feel like their parent has a new family...of course not.

I'm talking from an adult perspective...that the loyalty is to the new union and not a past marriage/family unit, and that some adults feel guilt moving forward with their life, feel they're betraying their kids.