Meh. Personally, I don't think you were wrong to text her. Whether your bf has any right to be mad, well that I'm not sure about. He could be mad if he feels like you went behind his back and interfered. If I had done this for my DH, he would have been happy and then mad at BM for being a bitch. But, it's different in every situation.

PS...getting in the habit of "fixing" things, like contacting BM to set up a 'date', is a very hard habit to stop. I have learned that the hard way and DH has until very recently gotten out of doing everything for SD and BM.

Depends...how long have you been dating BF? What is your relationship with the daughter? Etc. etc. etc...it could have been out of line, but I don't know

The idea was very nice--the phrasing might have been a little off. You keep referring to the daughter's rather as "my boyfriend." Even if you didn't mean it that way, it might have come off as sounding competitive--like you were reminding the BM that you had him and she didn't.

A different approach is to refer to him as "her father" because in the context, that's who he is. So it would read:

Hi I know this weekend was messed up so I was thinking SD5 could come over one evening this week to surprise
her father when he gets in from work?m I could pick her up and then her father could drop her back. Its just an idea, I'm not trying to interfere, just thought it would be nice for both of them because they didnt get to see each other much on the weekend. Let me know what you think.'

See the difference? It makes it clear you're thinking of them--which I know you were, but sometimes the phrasing counts for a lot.

Personally I stay out of it. For a few reasons really... (1) I don't know if I would 'like' getting a text from my sons Step mother (2) I think my SS's mother would not like my interferance... and I respect that.

I totally get where you're coming from though... In the beginning I used to try to 'fix', 'help', 'smooth over', everything... even suggesting DH and BM get together over coffee and work out their differences... over time I've learned to take a back seat...

Last time I tried to "smooth things over", I ended up hanging up on BM because she was being a bitch to me despite my efforts to help come up with a solution. This was some time ago. I don't get involved anymore. If DH comes to me seeking advice, I give him that but ultimately, BM is his ex-wife and his problem, not mine. It'll save you alot of headache if you just don't get involved in these spats.

i think it was a very bad idea..... and using "my b/f" instead of just his name probably really rubbed her the wrong way!

No doubt your intentions were golden, but as you found out it was misunderstood. It is best not to get in between BF & BM, let them battle it out even if you think SD will not benefit from it. It is their life and their choice how to behave and what consequences that behavior has on SD.

I commend you for it! The only thing I guess that would make a difference is how long you have been involved with him. I mean if you are two months into the relationship.... probably not a good thing to step in yet as your role hasnt been established, however if you guys have been together for a long while and you are probably going to get married or make a long term commitment, I think that it is good that she sees you want your BF to have a good relationship with his daughter.

I think if you don't get along with her, then why text ? Now you mighthave good intentions, but now he might be mad as well about the whole story. I think you are trying to hard at it . Time heals things for the most part. By trying to fix things, may only make matters worse.

My father's favorite quote comes to mind - 'No good deed goes unpunished'. It was a nice gesture on your part, but sometimes in the step world it's better to leave things alone and let the parents deal with it.

I believe you meant well by texting and attempting to facilitate visitation for your boyfriend..... BUT BM may be saying if Bf wanted the time he should ask.

You never know how she may have taken it...... I would probably just stay out of things like that. It is way to easy for BM to take it the wrong way and start drama as a result of it.

I've stated this 100 times on here. I have nothing to do with BM, if there is a huge issue with the kids, CS, personal issue, even attacks against me, I stay out of it. Reason being is this: DH is a big boy and these are his issues. The children are his choice to fight for, the CS is his responsibility, if she attacks me, it's up to him to defend his wife and if he chooses not to, that's on his conscience not mine. She tries to engage with me to get me angered sometimes or says things to DH perhaps to make me and DH fight or contact DH when it has NOTHING to do with the kids. She wants to anger me to have leverage over me, but I won’t let it happen. BM is DH's problem and headache. I can very easily compartmentalize my feelings and my responsibilities. She has no room in my life or hectic schedule. BM is not worth the shit off my shoes and she is definitely not worth my time to engage in any way with her.

Let your DH fight his own battles. If he feels he did not have enough time with your SD, then let him say so. I know if I was BM I would feel irked have my ex's girlfriend ask for more time..really it's your DH choice and responsibility to do that. It's awesome that you care so much and I think your a great SM, but let DH deal with BM and visitation issues. Do not get involved unless you really have to, if you suspect abuse or neglect, then it's your right to, but other then let, dont take on the added stress of fighting with BM or contacting her..let DH do that stuff, just worry about being the coolest abd best SM you cna be...thats your job