Not to set aside the fact that, yes that seems strange and overboard, but you mentioned your jealousy. Do you think that her overly outward affection towards dad can come from her jealousy towards you? Do she live with you guys full time? If you only have her sometimes maybe she feels like she needs to compete for his affection. But regardless of why she is doing it, it is up him to outline and enforce the boundaries. I also think it would be wise to contact a therapist and maybe try to find someone with a European background to help shed some light on the cultural issue.

But regardless, talk to him about it (again) and let him know it bothers you and can be seen as inappropriate by other bystanders. Despite his European culture he is in America and will be judged by peoples "American standards". I would definitely want to see an end to it before she got much older.

Stand by your values and trust your gut. ---M

Wow.. When I was 11 yrs old my dad wasn't in my life a lot, and I enjoyed the time I spent with him.. In my personal opinion I guess I know nothing about european cultures or whatever, but an 11 year old doesn't need to sit on dads lap all the time, or rub his arms, nor should he nibble her ears... I'm 23 and I sit on my bf lap at home sometimes for a min, to be affectionate or give him a kiss, I run his arms, in an affectionate way, and ear nibbeling..well I think we all know about that.. Its very odd to me.. If she was 4 I would think the sitting in the lap would be fine.. This is very odd...

Like everybody else said, This is so wrong. My DH thought it was disgusting, especially the nibbling part. :sick: Heck, my SD is 6, and I would feel uncomfortable if she sat on my DH's lap. They can hug on the couch every once in a while, but there is no need for a girl that is becoming a young lady to sit on daddy's lap.

You're not overreacting . . . .her behavior is inappropriate. Her days of sitting on daddy's lap should be long gone. And that ear nibbling is way off base. Soon she'll be a teenager so how long will this continue? Let him know how uncomfortable it makes you feel and that you won't tolerate it. She needs to learn boundaries and it's his responsibility to set and teach her those boundaries.

I have a SD (26) and if she pulled a stunt like that, I'd be out the door.

something is wrong with that its sick a father shouldnt nibble on thier child like that or any kid it sounds like they both need counsling

I actually think at 12 its inappropriate for her to be climbing on her dad like this. Personally I am repulsed by this type of behavior when I see it and think of it as a form of abuse. The adult parent needs to put the child in place. Not only is it inappropriate but it's down right sick to watch a grown man doing this to a child. I agree with the previous poster that they both need help.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being physically affectionate. In fact, I think it's good. The problem I see is her making "little whining sounds" when she can't get that affection. That is not OK, but I also don't know how you would handle that. You don't want to tell her that she can't be affectionate with her dad, but you also want to let her know that it's not OK to cry for it. I guess I would have DH say something like, "I really like that you don't think you're too cool to give me hugs in public, but you are 12 years old and that is too old to be whining for daddy to hold you. That's something a 2 year old does and you're too mature to be doing that. OK?" Then, if it continues give her a consequence, like if she's whining for a hug, she won't get it.

People need physical affection. Everyone knows this. It's easy for people to agree that babies and young children need it from their parents and adults need it from their partners (and I'm not talking about sex, but just hugs and hair stroking and what not). But, lots of people get uncomfortable when it comes to older children and adolescents. People tend to think that they are avoiding sexualizing their kids by avoiding physical affection or by covering up their daughters or not letting their kids play with kids of the other sex, but it's actually the opposite that occurs. If kids start to feel shameful about their bodies from their parents, they will seek attention elsewhere. Isn't that the old stereotype, the stripper with daddy issues? Daddy didn't hug her enough so now she's a slut? Therapists actually recommend to make sure to take time to hug your older kids, even teenagers, even if they say they hate it or pull away, forcing them to hug you shows them that you love them even if they don't want it, or don't want you to know they want it. Too many parents stop hugging their kids when their kids start pushing away. This causes the dumb teenage mind to think, "Oh, they must not really love me." Which can then lead to, "Fine then, at least that boy at school loves me because he always hugs me."

I have to admit that I do sometimes get jealous when my stepdaughter is holding my husband's hand. Maybe we're out for a walk and I want to hold his hand, but then I look over and she's already got it! My first reaction is but that quickly turns to because I know that at 12 years old my stepdaughter could very easily start preferring to hang out with her mother, especially with all the crap she is fed by her, and I'm glad that she has such a strong bond with her dad because that is going to be more and more important as she gets older.

This topic has been on my mind lately. This is something that makes me uncomfortable with SD. It's not that I think she and DH should not be affectionate with each other, it's just that the ways they choose to display it seem more appropriate for lovers than for parent/child. Hand holding even while just sitting around, walking with arms around each other, snuggling in each others arms face to face. It just feels wrong to me.

I have desided that since DH has been out of her daily life since she was 4/5 and BM has never had any relationships to model that SD only knows adult affection which she sees from DH and I. My big problem with it is DH thinks nothing of it.

I try to compare how my own pre teens show affection to me and there are differences. Subtle changes in the way you show affection to a child vs. an adult, even your own child.

I keep wondering how old is too old and when it will stop. I do assume it will stop. I have to believe that for my own sanity.

I see the problem more with your DH.

He is the one that should set boundaries and teach his daughter what is acceptable and not acceptable. The nibbling on the ear and the neck....it sounds suggestive and frankly a little sexual. I don't mean to be judgemental or give offense-just giving you my opinion.

You've tried talking to DH about it and he becomes defensive and calls you prudish. This would be a red flag to me.

I don't think that you are over reacting and I don't think this stems from jealously - it stems from your gut and what you know is acceptable and right. You need to trust your instincts.

This would be hard - but I advise you to speak to DH again and voice your concerns. Let him know what you think is appropriate - holding hands, giving hugs, etc - maybe that would be a good starting point.

If she's literally hanging on people to the point that they have to ask her to stop, then there is definitely a problem. I think I would use that to make your point to BF rather than it being about showing affection.

My sd is going to be 12 soon, and I would definately think something is wrong with this. But I also know my husband would be very uncomfortable with his 12 yr old all over him. She is obviously missing something to be that clingy. I feel it's up to the parent to teach the child what is and is not appropriate, and if he doesn't think it's unappropriate, I would ask a counselor for my own peace of mind and then make a decision if I want to be in that type of relationship. Cause if it continues, it may get worse as she gets older and you will feel like a third wheel. Talk about uncomfortable!