Extended family attitudes toward biological children
My husband and I have spent 25 years+ raising a blended family of my 2 children and his 2 children who are now adults. When the kids were all young, my husband's brothers and mother treated all the kids pretty much the same. I never anticipated that when they became adults these same people would have the attitude that my children aren't a part of their family.
It's been a long hard road getting to this point and it is very disappointing to learn that my husband's (their "adopted" father) family is totally absent from their lives. Everyone is fine when we all happen to be together around a holiday or social event. My children aren't invited to say a bar-b-que at my brother-in-law's home when my stepson is invited, along with myself and my husband of course. These kids have been through a lot in 25 years. My 2 stepsons were in a lot of trouble as juveniles and the eventually in prison. This took our time and attention away from my 2 children and had a huge impact on the whole family. Now 1 stepson has been out of prison for years and doesn't reach out or socialize with my children even though my daughter and her family have gone out of their way to reach out to him. (This stepson is pretty antisocial except for with people he likes.) I always wanted to have a family that loved and cared for each other. If my 2 stepsons hadn't have been incarcerated, they would have grown up together, high school, etc. and might be more like siblings. My son lives out of state, so not easy for him to be in contact with my stepson, but have talked a little on Facebook. The other stepson is still incarcerated. My childen are successful with life's normal challenges. Most of my family, my children's biological extended family live out of state, so not much opportunity to be in contact. My husband's family live nearby. Granted, we come from 2 different backgrounds, his family is a lot different from mine. I'm not really close to them though I like them and I think that they like me. It is all very disappointing. Thanks for "listening".
- flsm's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I can defintely see your side
I can defintely see your side of things. You are wondering why DH's family chooses to include the miscreants that are your Stepsons while forgeting about your kids that were included when they were young. You won't like my answer.
Blood is thicker than water, especially in wealthy families. They will accept you as DH's wife. But do not think they will give equal treatment to your kids versus your Stepsons. The stepsons are family to them. Your kids are viewed as extended removed family members. Almost like the family pet.
I know first hand. My MIL, SIL and BIL always make sure to remember my Hubby's kids birthdays. They do not remember my kid's birthdays. We have been married for over 6 years and they had been invited to all the Bday parties. Did I mention that these are the only kids in the family?
The bottom line is that they do not see my kids as FULL family members. I see MIL give expensive, elaborate presents to hubby's kids. She has even made a bag with baby pictures for hubby's kid for her gifts. Then for my kids - she hands hubby $20 for my kid. No card, no sentiment.
How I handle it? If my kids are not invited, I do not go. If the event is an adult only, then I go with my hubby. I have learned not to be bitter about it. The situation will not change no matter how respectful or pleasant my kids are to them. My family, on the other hand, accepts his kids fully as my kids. They always ask me about them. With 20+ nieces and nephews, my mom always remembers them on their Bdays and Xmas.
PS. My kids always call to thank them for gifts, while hubby's kids can't be bothered to remember a simple thank you phone call. His kids are overly entitled and are permitted to behave in this fashion by his family.
I was thinking the same as
I was thinking the same as IOD. If my own kids weren't invited to an event, I don't think I would attend either.