welcome rouxy.........congrats on your new marriage.....

after the two weeks, how often do you get stuck with the clingy sd?

As a child from a broken home, I didn't get to see my Bio dad very often, and when I did I was very jealous of my stepmom getting my dad all to herself....while at the same time.....I thought she was beautiful and I hung on her every word.....I adored her.....It sucks that on your virtual honeymoon, you have to share.....let her have the attention at the beginning, and slowly insert yourself......I am sure before long, she will want your attention just as much as dads......How old is SD?

And for the record, you should never be excluded from any function....EVER.

You need time to have a relationship develop. Though you and DH have been together for 3 years you have only seen SD a handful of times. You can't expect a relationship between you and her to develop during this time.
However, she does need to respect you and I am not understanding why you were not invited to her bday party considering you are at the very least dad's wife.

after summer --- once you read more blogs, you'll notice not too many of us SMs are looking forward to it--- you'll only have her one weekend a month at best.... so, you do have that to look forward to.....

i seriously feel your pain, i've been with dh 8 yrs and still can't stand his skids and we get them all the frickin' time...

if it gets too uncomfortable on your trip, walk away and go shopping and buy youreslf something..... come back and try again........i would be ill if we had skids for 2 weeks and on vacation....

good luck and if it helps at all, you are not alone in feeling this way...

I feel for you. I have been suffered same thing for 4 years since SD was 5. I thought she quit doing this when she gets 10, but it seems not, if your SD11 is still doing that ><. My SD9 (soon 10) goes to DH and pulls his ear and wispers something and puts her cheek on his for a few min. And when I asked DH what SD9 needed, he said SD9 asked if she can watch the TV. It shouldn't be nothing private to ask "Can I watch TV?", but it is SD9's way to make things "private with daddy" and "feel intimate". I have addressed this to DH many times, but he simply thinks I am just jeleous (huh?!) or he makes a excuse like SD9 is not with him all the time and if he don't let her do as she feels, it will give her an emotional damange later (being a guilty dad).

So, what I am doing now... I just ignore how I feel. I have been stressted out by this manipulative SD9 enough, and I lost my mental health as a resul of trying to adjust myself to the blended family.

Since it is difficult to disengage yourself during a tip, I think you need to be in the loop and do things with 3 of you. Then,secure the time just being only you and your DH. Don't try too hard to bond with SD. Just try to be you and a good role model.
Try to a good memory with your DH. Don't let SD11 to ruin your trip! Good Luck!!!

The real issue here is your DH. She's his child thus he has to make her realize that as his new wife, you are to be treated with dignity and respect.

His excuse about you being the adult is just that . .an excuse. He needs to be mindful that her actions and behavior are hurtful and rude. If he doesn't address the issue now, it will continue to cause conflict later.

I've also had problems of rudeness with my SD (26) going on 16. In one case, she invited a friend to the house and acted as if I didn't exist. She didn't even acknowlege me, let alone introduce me.

After raising hell with DH that I would not tolerate her behavior. He set her straight . .because he didn't want me to do it . . .trust me. Nip her behavior in the bud before it gets worse. If she knows she can get away with it, she'll continue to do it.

Good luck.

Welcome!
When I married my DH, his youngest was also 11. He acted exactly the same way. It got old with me pretty quickly, especially because my own youngest was 8 and acted nothing like that (and yeah, what's up with kids of that age holding hands with their parents, c'mon).
I expressed my concern right away to DH away and yes, also got a defensive response back. It was a struggle but it eventually got better (well, for starters, I immediately discontinued the practice of him walking into our bedroom as soon as he wakes up in the morning (w/o knocking of course) - an 11yr old?!?! - I don't think so). So it good better, not all good, mind you, but I think it also helped that SS is now almost 16 (but is emotionally more like a 9yr old).
I'm not very good at being diplomatic but this is the area that very carefully chosen words work best. What I mean by that is that you should continue to express your feelings, opinion etc, point out SD's passive-aggresive behavior but in a way that would allow your DH to be a participant in observations, rather than make him feel he needs to defend her. Because, know, he'll defend her until his last breath no matter what, no matter how reasonable your remark is, ugh.
I cringed when I read that "I am the adult, should just let it go". I was told that too many a time. That's, of course, just a guilty daddy approach that eliminates any need to even mildly confront his child. It's called parenting, hellooo!
I don't have a magic pill, if I did, I would swallow a bucket of them myself
I'm five years into it and it's still tough.
I tried a lot of different things. My DH and I would walk holding hands and he would try to break in between us, and when that wouldn't work (my DH oblivious, me ignoring his attempts fuming inside), he would walk around and grab my DH's other hand. I would immediately let my DH's hand, he would be like - what? And then I'd say - well, it just feels awkward to walk in threesome. DH would typically walk with him like that for 30 more seconds and then send him on his merry way with some honey sweet words and grab my hand again. I know what I did was also passive aggresive, I admit. But I just had to do something b/c I knew this was NOT a natural behavior, it was a power play by a attention seeking brat who tried everything to exclude me and make me feel like a non-entity in his daddy's life.
I had the advantage of pointing out my BS8 (at the time) behavior so my DH would have to concede that's not normal.
He was 12 or 13, he would walk into our room in the middle of our conversation, shoot me a hostile look and then whisper into my DH ear something totally enane and irrelevant. My DH would let him without so much a frown. So as soon as he walks out, I would have to teach my DH how to be a parent (in essence), in this case - whispering while in the company of others is rude, interrupting the adult conversation is rude, etc etc. It felt as if I had to parent them both.
One other tip I would have for you - try to make friends with the kid. Talk to her, show interest in stuff that she likes etc. She might relax a bit and become more amiable in your company. At the same time, your DH would realize you're not on a mission to get her but that you are a well-meaning loving adult who actually has a good point (once in a while).
Sorry about the ramble and hope that any of it will help. Good luck!

Hello, well from my past experience.. When my parents divorced, around the time I met my step mom, I was 10 years old!! And wanted nothing to do with her.. My advice, talk to her!! Tell her that you understand she is probably uncomfortable to the new situation, but you are too, and you would love to get to know her. That you understand your not her mom, but your here to be a friend.. See how she takes it.. I know it took me a while to warm up to my step mom, and that age is a hard one, she has bonded with her mom. Also, you need to find out if the BM has been tellin her negative things about you, and your DH definatly needs to stand up and talk to the SD!

I agree with Shannon.

Your DH needs to handle this and believe me, the behavior can get worse if it is not addressed. That being said, you need to understand the SD's feelings and address those feelings. Make her see that YOU are totally okay with her one on one time with DH and maybe that can happen during the vacation. You go get a mani-pedi while they do father daughter stuff. DH needs to be sensitive and affectionate with SD but not allow SD to interfere while the 2 of you are holding hands, hugging or kissing. If you are comfortable with it - show affection to SD.

I don't agree that the children should come first. I think that the parent's relationship is the foundation for the family - if that is rock solid - the family is secure. My parents were married for 37 years and they made it clear to the 4 of us kids - that they came first. My mother doted on my father and vice versa. They held hands throughout their marriage, my mother often sat on my father's lap in the evening and they were sweet and affectionate towards each other in front of us. It's a fond memory I have of them.