Mom wants to change SS's name to hers
Sorry about the repost, I posted this to the wrong spot in error.
Well,
We have just had a great weekend to celebrate our Case Conference going extremely well last week.BM got almost nothing of what she was asking for and basically got her a@@ handed to her by the judge...(wish I could have been there)!
The only problem is as I mention in a previous post, my hubby and I have not seen his kids since Christmas as they treat us like we exist only to provide for they and they make us feel like they don't even want to be at our home. So, we have decided to call them on it and say they can't come unless they themselves ask. SS are 14 and 11.
So the oldest SS14 wrote his Dad a letter and gave it to BM to give to him after court. She handed it to him and said that she hadn't read it, YA RIGHT !!!! Here is how it goes.
Dear Dad (then his full name in brackets)
I would like to change my last name to my Mom's name. This is not because I don't love you anymore, but because you refuse to see us. I find in strange that you didn't see SS11 on his birthday. My mom has tried over and over again to convince you to see us. The last time she asked you, your response was, "are you f*(*&^ kidding me"? Come on Dad, stop the lying.
Has anyone had this experience when the BM tried to change their name to her maiden name? We are ready to say go for it to be honest. She has been threatening to do this for years, and they have been using her name on Facebook, Msn, etc. The kids told us that it’s because her name is easier to spell. Which is probably true as they hardly ever go to school, so they probably can’t even spell their last name? I think it’s just more evidence of PAS, and revenge as we have beaten her in court every time.
I am just curious to see what other people did in this situation.
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Speaking from someone who's
Speaking from someone who's Ex isn't in the picture (by his own choice, not by me), who is in jail and on drugs, I would love nothing more than for my children to have my maiden last name. But, despite my feelings for my Ex, I can't do that to my children. It's wrong, and no matter how much BM tries to erase your DH from the kids lives, that is still their Dad and will always be there Dad no matter what.
Anyhow, I don't think she can legally do that. I believe she can file a petition for it but it has to run in the paper for 30days to notify anyone who objects. If Dh doesn't agree to it, there is nothing she can do....correct me anyone if I'm wrong.
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."
just-a-mom you are right,
just-a-mom you are right,
Full custody parents can change the name legally if they give 30 days notice. However, I believe it is very expensive, over 150.00 per child. I think it is her intent to just let the kids start using her name, and had the SS write that letter to make it seem like that's just what the kids want. We pretty much know there is nothing we can do legally, just wondering if anyone else experienced the same issue.
I find it abusive to manipulate a child this way. He is over 14 years old, and has had his dads last name for his whole life.
Every town has an Elm Street
I was actually talking to my
I was actually talking to my sister about this yesterday. My mother changed our last name to our stepfathers last name. It was very traumatic for us. And as an adult, a married adult who uses both last names, maiden and married, I am actually going to go about getting it legally changed back to my fathers last name. I am going to try to undo the adoption, and say that since stepfather is not my biodad, that he shouldn't be on my birthcertificate.
It is VERY traumatic. My sister actually cried when my mother changed it. I am part of a family, my biodad's family. I am a part of him. I have sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts,and uncles with the same last name. And it is very important for me to change my last name.
As the biodad I think your dh has a right to contest the changing of his sons last name. I would highly suggest that he contest it. His son is too young to make that decision on his own right now.
His mom sounds like she has some PAS going on. And its not right. Its been over 30 years since my parents divorced ANd I still have to hear about what a POS person that my father is from my mom. It's not right, but as an adult, I understand that it is all of her issues, and has nothing to do with me.
His son WILL realize one day that all of those issues have nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. As a teenages I actually fell into my moms lies, thinking that my dad had abandoned me. When I became a young adult, my dad reached out to me, and that when I realized that he left HER, not me. That he loved me.
And by the way she was acting towards him, I couldn't blame him!!! I wouldn't want that crazy in my life either. So just give stepson some time, he will come back to his dad and you when he is not so closely under the influence of his mom.
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Not no but hell no! Not
Not no but hell no! Not until they are 18 and then only after you review the will with them noting that if they change their names they get $1 and nothing else.
Though I have no biospawn, if the kid is mine it has my name. I have repeatedly offered to adopt my son. He says "Why, you will still be my dad even if you don't adopt me" which is entirely true.
My parents have SS in their will as a full heir if he is adopted before his 18th B-day. If not, he gets a significant lump sum inheritance but nowhere near a full heir share.
I know that in today's society this should not be a big deal but it is an issue that I am very traditional on.
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)