In our will, if H dies I get everything. If SD is a minor and he dies, he has a large court ordered life insurance policy for her but I still get the entire estate. If he dies and she's an adult, she'll get whatever is left in her college funds but nothing else as the life insurance ends when she's 19.

If we both die at the same time...the estate is divided 50/50...half goes to my son, half goes to his daughter.

if he dies first then I die later...the remaining estate is still divided 50/50 between my son and SD. And if I die first, H gets the full estate and my son gets my life insurance policy in full...then when H dies,it reverts back to the 50/50 split between the children.

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

WOW is all I can say. You are so horrible that you would screw his kids. Really? I would be livid!!!

If DH dies, it all goes to me. I wouldn't screw my SS10 out of anything and DH knows it.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

I can see why you are upset. It is your business what he intends to do with the things that BOTH OF YOU have worked for during your marriage. And for him to treat you like you are greedy and would take from the kids is ridiculous! My DH and I do not have wills yet but when we married we put each other as beneficiaries on our life insurance and retirement right away. DH and I trust each other to take care of the kids should one of us pass.

When FDH and I discussed this, I was surprised that he agreed to me! Of course pointing out that if something happened to him while SD5 was still a minor, then BM would "control" those assets and funds until SD5 was 18. (Oklahoma) That was enough for him! I told him I had no problem signing a contract agreeing to take care of SD5, and give her her 1/2...sadly I'd be more interested in SD5's welfare than BM.

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

If my DH dies..it's all mine!!! MUAHAHAH! Just joking. I would get all the estate but he has a life insurance policy that is divided between his kids and myself. Now if I die 1st....the skids aren't getting one damn dime from me!! If I ever have kids...of course they would get something.

****I can do bad all by myself****

Here is what I propose to do (if it helps you).

DH and I have been married 8.5 years. He has one daughter (17) and we have two daughters together (6 and 3).

Any marital assets go to the surviving spouse. That includes the house, 401(k)s, savings accounts, vehicles, personal property, etc.

Any personal assets (non-marital) belonging to DH will be split three ways between HIS three kids. Any personal assets belonging to me will be split two ways between MY two kids.

I haven't yet determined what would happen if both of us died at the same time, or whether we want to stipulate how the surviving spouse will dispose of any assets. If DH dies first I want discretion to use the money as I please, as I consider it OURS and not belonging to our kids. If I die first, I want DH to be able to use the money as he pleases, BUT I don't want him favoring SD, which is typical of him. So not sure how we will word that part when we have our wills drawn up.

Good luck! Sounds like your DH has a pretty negative attitude about all of this.

Ok, your husband is forgetting what "marriage" means. The vows he said, the promises he made. I don't understand why he wouldn't leave anything to you regardless if you can take care of yourself. Both myself and my husband can "take care of ourselves" if one another dies, but that's not the point. And if he is that worried that you would not share assets and $ with the skids then he can put something about that in his will. Anyway to answer your question. My H and I have it set up that everything goes to me. And I will give $ to my SS when he is 25 and $ will go to college. But its done all thru me so that the BM can't get the $ and use it for her personal gain. if we both die then the money goes to my sister and his brother and they hold onto it untilSS is 25. So again the BM can't use it and he won't blow the $ at 17 on dumb stuff. Hope this helps. And good luck to you- cause that would infuriate me.

Sueu2 I've noticed you seem to be really great at giving some serious lashings about the way the people here handle their problems.
You have a distinct vibe of disdain when replying to people.
you have been here for a week but have not posted your own blog detailing your situation and why you are here. any other time that would be normal but not with someone like you seems to post with such disgust over how others handle their lives.
since you have these "girl power put that man in his place" vibes coming off you, im wondering what you're even doing here to start with.

maybe you can do a nice long post and tell us all how we should conduct ourselves since everytime you comment you seem to say we are doing everything all wrong and we are all weak according to you.

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Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Anderson

Come on girls theres no need for tension here.....

The will issue aside, can I ask why you are with him if he doesn't have the same views and expectations out of a life with you as you do with him? The biggest thing that concerns me is that you mentioned wanting to have your own kids and he's completely against that.

That's something that's not going to change. And even if it did, in all likelihood both scenarios (you having kids or not) will end up with a lot of resentment in the marriage and towards the children involved.

I'm not criticizing but I'm just wondering if you have asked yourself, is this the life you want?

I think Seue2 has a pretty good take on things and offers good advice.
Maybe you're just not in the frame of mind to see it as such.
I can relate to what she's saying. I wish I would've come to that realization earlier in life, and not wasted so many years being what a man wanted me to be.

x

I probably have a different perspective here. I have already done the widow thing once. You need to have a will drawn that represents the interests of all parties. Only you will know what that is. Also, know this when someone dies, all bets are off. Everyone has a hand out and everyone has their own perception of what the widow receives. I received little life insurance, husband had a pre-exsisting condition and unavailable to him. Yet everyone was sure I was now rich. Ha!

I will tell you what we have in our pre-nup and wills in process. The kids each get their biological parents 401K and IRA's. DH's life insurance goes to me. My life insurance is like this - whole life goes to DH and term policy goes to BS. If the term life is still around when I die. As for the savings and the house that goes to the surviving spouse. I have specific document indicating what of my personal belongings (jewelry) goes to who. I am specific on that. He doesn't care.

If DH dies, I get everything. He has confidence in me that I will do what is best for the children.

If I then die, or if we die together, we have made arrangements in the will for the kids -- they each get half of our estate, but they are allowed full access to their part at different ages, as one of them has special needs and will be less able to make good decisions for herself.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Hmmm. A few question. Sorry if I missed them. How long have you and your DH been married? Are the kids with you full time? Was this house his before you got married?

In BM & DH's divorce decree, they each have to have 40K of life insurance for SS. We have a life insurance policy where I get everything and then the kids --- I would turn over 40K to SS in a trust-- depending on his age. We have no will, but frankly --- everything would go to me & our 2 BS, because I actually purchased the house etc., so that was my money -- and would go to my kids.

The best revenge is a good life... And to have a SC to go home and REPORT to BM all about it

The best revenge is a good life... And to have a SC to go home and REPORT to BM all about it

If my DH dies BM gets everything. His life insurance, as she is the soul irrovacable beneficary, his retirement, etc.

I think the only thing I would get is the bills that he left me with when he died. Of course I would have to sell the house. SO my daughter and I will have no where to go when this happens.

BM got it like that in the DD, refuses to change it, and DH hasn't done anything about it.

So if he dies my daughter and I are fucked.

BMJen, I would have him stop paying on the policies that go to the ex and get a new one for you.. and a separate onefor the Skids.. She can't do a thing once he is gone but to leave you homeless is just nuts...

City Girl, I can't believe your husband would leave you homeless... I just don't get it..Nor do I understand the comment that is different my mom would not screw us.... but he thinks so little of you that he thinks you would... Don't like that at all...

So, I wonder what happens if he dies, and there is no will. If you are his wife, wouldn't it automatically go to you? I know that's not really the question, but isn't that the way it works???