OT~sortave.....Cliques

I've been seeing alot of talk of a "certain clique". I don't think any has went at this head on so I thought I'd share some perspective on the subject.

I am in a clique, no doubt about it. A clique of friends that I love dearly. ST has grown so big that it's impossible for me to keep up with everyone's blogs. I try to here and there, but my two year old aint having it. I do comment on peoples blogs that are not in my little clique. I try to help where I can............

I want to remind everyone that while a clique may be formed, it's formed because of friendship. I know of several cliques on this board. On every board you're going to find this. Why? Because people hear from each other so much that they develope a friendship. I have a friend that I met here at ST that I consider more of a friend than most of my nearby RL friends. So of course when I come here and see that she's written a blog I'm going to comment on it.

It seems as though alot of that is being bashed latley. I think it's a little silly, personally. Why be upset over people making friends?

I remember a time when I first came here......the was a very strong clique built. They came after me with the claws out. Anything I said was attacked, no matter what it was. I tought about leaving time and time again and I had even asked Dawn to delete me per PM once. She didn't, and I'm thankful now. I met alot of girls that had been in a situation like mine and were to afraid to talk about it because the "clique" would come down on them. And they were pretty mean about it.....I know of one that still follows me around making snide comments where she can!! It's lame, yes. I do try to ignore it. And do pretty good with it to!

So basically what I'm trying to say is that if any of you new members are afraid to talk to me because you think I'm in a clique and it's a mean one please please please don't think that. I'm here and I've went through hell and back for my family. This place helped me alot. I needed some smacking around and my friends here gave me that when I needed it, or a shoulder to cry on when that moment came. My friends that everyone always sees me talking to are intelligent, wonderful, sweet, caring, Sm's. Not one of us will turn down someone asking for help. So if you are under the impression that we have all the friends we need, you're wrong! LOL! There's always room for more.

I think I'm just tired of the hem hawing around about this certain "clique" and us being referred to as mean high school girls, because we're nothing of the sort. Exactaly the opposite actually. Who doesn't come and respond to their friends first? When you come here and you see a member that you really respect has wrote a blog do you not click on it and comment? If yes, then you're in a clique as well.

It's really silly that we can't make friends without being accused of being "high school". It's very very silly.

Anyway, I hope I've said what I intended here, I have a way of jumbling words!

The only thing that I ask for on this blog is a sincere talk with all of you. If you have something that you want to get off your chest please do so, but I ask you to please be decent about it. Thanks!!

BMJen's blog
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Can I be in your clique? I

Can I be in your clique? I like you...

All jokes aside, in life, there are always one group of people that tend to gravitate towards each other moreso than others. At school, at work, in your family, in recreational life. That's just how things are. Those people are called friends. Nothing wrong with having someone have your back.

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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."

BMJen, this is exactly what

BMJen, this is exactly what I was trying to get across in another post. I'm glad you're able to articulate this because it's exactly how I feel. The only thing I disagree with is the label of a clique, just because I think that word gives a negative connotation. But I wholeheartedly agree with you. Just because you have a group of friends doesn't mean that you ignore everyone else or that BMJen's friendship line is closed for business. To me, that's clearly not true.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

TheWife, you know you are in

TheWife, you know you are in my clique! LOL!

Stepmom008, I hate the word to. I'm only using it because I've seen it thrown around alot latley. If a "clique" is a group of friends then so be it.

I know & I can tell that.

I know & I can tell that. It's like a dirty word, an insult. I'll be in your "clique" any day

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

I also have to say that it's

I also have to say that it's not unusual for friends to watch each other's backs. If one of my friends is getting pounded on for no reason, I will back them up. However, I'm also not afraid to tell my friend when she is being unfair or just wrong, and I expect my friends to kick my ass when I need it. I don't want "yes men" as friends - I want friends that will help me grow.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

blushgiggle you're cute!

*blushgiggle* you're cute! And the same goes for me.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

BMJen was my first friend

BMJen was my first friend here on ST. She stood up for me during a time when I got blasted for something. Usually the first person you connect with, you become friends with. That's not unusual in any setting.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Sita was my first friend

Sita was my first friend here. She did the same for me OHG. You don't forget it, thats for sure.

GEE.....I thought I was.....

GEE.....I thought I was..... j/k

LOL! You were to honey. No

LOL! You were to honey. No doubt about it. You girls kept me afloat when I wanted to bail out.

I've never been bashed, but

I've never been bashed, but BMJen, you were my first friend here too. I remember what you went thru here and still have the first PM ever sent to me...by you! I remember feeling very appreciative that someone understood me and warned me about other members that might bash me.

I'm not apart of any clique. Mainly b/c I don't blog often and I go in spurts of responding to others. Even though I read often and know mainy back stories here, I find myself not responding b/c a) either it's been said by someone in a more articulate manor than I could ever hope to convey or b) I don't think that anything I could say would ever help the blogger.

I have noticed that there a lot of newbies here that have formed their own little clique and a lot of it is very negative. I avoid those blogs b/c I can't tolerate what is being said on them. The newbies crowd around each other and encourage bad behaviour.

Anyway, thanks for writing this BMJen. And thanks again for your warm welcome when I finally joined over a year ago (after lurking for almost a year prior).

***Life - It's not a rehearsal***

Your more than welcome. I

Your more than welcome. I so miss you, you're hardley here anymore. If so it's in stealth mode.

I'm here all the time, just

I'm here all the time, just rarely post. Nothing much to blog about on my end. Actually, scratch that, TONNES to blog about, but can't put it out there right now. Might need a name change before I can start asking for advice (which I need).

***Life - It's not a rehearsal***

You and I were fast friends

You and I were fast friends too when you started, if I recall. Bella and I met around that time too.

My first ST friend was Kathleen, second was Colorado Girl. There are some others on my buddy list, but some I don't even remembering who they are. I "buddy listed" a lot of people to try and keep up with those who showed interest or commented, then I realized I never used the buddy list, so I stopped requesting.

Kathleen's moved on, but did come to the first retreat at Stepwitch's cabin along with Harley- MISS you both on here, but glad you don't need to be anymore. CG was supposed to come, but had a mishap that canceled that trip, but with it brought another retreat to make up for it! There I met in person- Anabihibik, Sunshine, Sia, Colorado Girl, Dawn and Admin (am I missing anyone?)

I can't remember who came next- but Cru was always there from the beginning with her frying pan, and Karma Queen has been a very dear friend helping me through my current hard times. FB has changed a lot of the dynamics of the site for me, allowing me to get to know some people that I couldn't even tell ya who they were on here now!

It would be interesting to go back and re-read from that time, but they're down now due to the current situation.

My first friend was

My first friend was luvdagirl... she's gone as well. DISbelief was my partner in crime though.

You were my little kindred friend from the moment you graced these boards. It's been quite the ride.

I miss Kathleen and Stepwitch too. Makes me feel a little left out in the sense that they were able to move on.

New days bring new friends and reminds us to cherish the old ones too.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Luv ya girl!

}:) Luv ya girl!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I can remember the first

I can remember the first reply I received was from Middlemom, and Milomom, and I really didn't care who they were or who they were friends with.. I just knew these women helped me and since then I have met many more..
BBB,StepAside,Disbelief,Kat,TW and the list goes on and on... To me it didn't matter if you were part of the wolf pack or tinkerbell... I am grateful no matter who you are.. If it were true that you are ignored if you are not part of the different groups on this site... Then I would still be crying and in despair over my situation with my SD>.. And I can thankfully say I am not... Thanks to the many different women I have grown to know and admire...in my few short weeks here...

I have been her for a few

I have been her for a few months, but have taken breaks here and there. I have read a lot...and post when I feel I have something to offer. I think it's true, what you said about not caring who responds or who they're friends with. It is just nice to have someone offer something helpful. I haven't grown close to anyone in particular, but as a whole, this group has helped me muddle through a whole lot of crap, and I'm thankful to everyone for being a part.

Stormbruin, Hang in here

Stormbruin, Hang in here with us and you too will make new friends.. Reply when you think you can help and post a blog when you need help.. Believe me you will make new friends... I really am pretty shy and if I can make some connections so can you...

Hugs..

unhappy2happy, wow, you just

unhappy2happy, wow, you just made my day!! I'm so glad I could help you and that I made you feel this way. I agree with everything you just said!! You are so helpful to everyone here, too - so don't ever leave!!!

Milomom... I will never

Milomom... I will never forget your kindness that day,,, ever... So thank you for caring for a stranger who came into your community... desperate for help and encouragement... Don't worry, I am not leaving... My only wish is to be there to help and comfort someone else and become as wise as some of you younger women.. Some of you girls blow me away...

sticking tongue out I've

*sticking tongue out* I've got lots of people on my buddylist:) I'm a buddylist wh*re...I can't help but embrace them all! lol

On a more serious note...I will be making a conscious effort to reply to more new people (WHEN I FEEL I CAN HELP)rather than sticking in my comfort zone with my "CLIQUE".

This is a good cleansing,air clearing blog. Hopefully it can stay peaceful and open.

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

I'll tell you what, I've

I'll tell you what, I've made some of the best friends ever here and if that's considered a clique, that's fine, but they are now my real life friends and when I wake up I can't wait to talk to them. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. They are my besties. They laugh with me, cry with me, pray with me, and for that I am thankful beyond words. There are some amazing ladies here that are near and dear to my heart and there is always room for more! No need to name names, you all know who you are!

I will try to explain what I

I will try to explain what I mean by “clique.” I personally don’t care who are friends, who isn’t friends, and whether I am one of those friends. I think it’s great when people can form such close friendships, especially living so far apart. My point is, there are people that come on Steptalk that are new, or not in a certain group, and post an issue or a feeling and they are criticized and castigated for what they say. Now, when one of the “clique”( for want of a better word) posts basically the same exact sentiment on their blogs, there is nothing but understanding and support. What is the difference? None, except that is your friend. (Not you, in particular, Jen, I am just saying “you” as an example).Is that being supportive of your friend? Absolutely. Does it help you have credibility? Not so much. And it runs people off, or just makes them frustrated.

For me, I would say the high school aspect came from some of that wolfpack stuff that went on a few weeks ago, but I pretty much stayed away from that one.I really don’t have an issue with anyone on here at all-for the most part, everyone here is helpful, funny as hell, and has a good heart. I may not post much, but I feel pain when I hear that my fellow inmates in the step-parenting world feel pain, and joy when one of you have a great moment . My concern is that I have friends that I refer to this site, because it has been such a great help to me, and I have had a couple tell me that they just feel like they won’t fit in.
I also want to say a thank you to whoever used the term “twatwaffle” because it is my new favorite word. Everytime I do a shot tonight at my BFF’s bday party I am going to say that word! LOL

"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown

Ah, the wolfpack. I was

Ah, the wolfpack. I was waiting for that to be brought up. That was a group of friends changing their avatars........yep, it had a reason behind it. My reason for it was to show support for one of my best friends in the world. I wanted her to know, hands down, that I have her back to the max, and I wanted everyone else to know it also. It wasn't to intimidate new members, and I know I made more of an effort to reach out to more new members during that time........

The next time my neck is on the choping block all my friends may change their avatars to tinkerbells! LMAO!! Avatars are fun to play with, I change mine atleast once a week or so!

BMJen, I agree, I wasn't

BMJen, I agree, I wasn't knocking the wolf pack.. I was stating that it did not matter to me who helped me. My first reply came from Middlemom, a wonderful person, and Milomom. I for one am extremely grateful no matter what your avatar is...

ooops missed the reply you were responding too.. never mind.... LOL

"cliques" here come and go

"cliques" here come and go sweetie. When I joined, there was a different group of women, not so cliquish per se, but they've mostly all gone to other sites, OR have outgrown their step issues all together. tides change here all the time.

I've seen that to Sia. I

I've seen that to Sia. I have outgrown so many of my step issues it's amazing to me.

You're welcome for the

You're welcome for the word... Twatwaffle is my contribution to the great dictionary.

I'm sorry if the wolfpack stuff came off as high school to you, but it was something that started privately and then went public. Maybe it should have remained private but by going public it worked itself out and had it remained private it may not have.

There have always been groups here that are closer than others and I can see where someone might feel afraid of fitting in.... we all have those insecurities of being accepted. The only thing I can recommend on steptalk is to just jump in with both feet... there is always room for another voice here.

Awesome, awesome word. BBB

Awesome, awesome word.
BBB has come up with some good ones too, someone should put together a dictionary.

"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown

Raises her hand to say

*Raises her hand* to say that wolfpack was defintely my doing.

I learned a lot from that experience...

I wish I could have started out being a grownup in the firstplace. I jumped on you WSM where I really shouldn't have. I also know that I've grown to really like you in all our differences.

I have to be a thousand percent honest in that you guys are intimidating when you get on a role. I think I was told to shut the f*ck up at one point.

Hurt my feelings.. a lot. I wasn't meaning to come across as a lot of you guys thought I was. It hurt my feelings that others who deleted themselves from my buddylist never stopped to say "hey that doesn't sound like CG."

The best PM I got was from a friend of yours that said those exact words. WSM is an awesome lady.. give her a chance to show you... take the time to get to know her. That had a much more profound affect on me then the changing of the avatars.. for whatever that's worth.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

ouch I went on a rampage

*ouch* I went on a rampage once and deleted MY WHOLE buddylist. Then I got a few PM's from people telling me how hurtful it was when they got the notice:( made me sad I was so poopy.

i'm sorry you got hurt...sorry anyone got hurt.

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

"poopy"... LOL. That's a

"poopy"... LOL. That's a funny word!

Won't you be MY buddy? I am a buddylist whore too. I didn't notice it until yesterday though. I gots me some friends.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Awwwww... you like me?

Awwwww... you like me? *blushing* I like you too... lets hold hands and sing Kumbaya! Just playing witcha! I'm in one of those moods today so you better watch out!

I really do mean well and I have a big heart and I'll admit my #1 fault is a tie between my hot temper and my case of child worship. I'm working on my temper and my potty mouth but I'm keeping my case of perfectson worship.

Anyway, no worries... it's all good now.

Colorado Girl, I was a

Colorado Girl, I was a complete bitch during that time, and I totally regret it because that is not who I am. Within a week, we had a cleansing here on ST. Everyone apologized for hurting others, and we had an online community hug. I really thought this site had gotten beyond the whole "clique" mentality. I really did. But lately a few here and there (one who said she was leaving - not you Constantly Guilty) brought it all back up again and was really nasty about it.

It seems that all of the negativity came back in force and this time blamed on the wolfpack when the wolfpack has been completely out of it for some time.

Can't we all just get along????

CG - none of this was directed at you even though I replied to your post - I was acknowleding that I was nasty during that time, and I will try very hard not to be again.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

OHG. Bless your heart. I

OHG.

Bless your heart.

I can see where you were coming from and I understand. I also think that it was really big of you to apologize and accept that perhaps you had a part in it. That's huge to me.

I just wanted you ladies to know that sometimes you come across ~ because of the numbers in your friendship ~ as really intimidating. Especially when you are all fired up.

Maybe just like me, you don't even mean to be what you're coming across as. It took you guys telling me that I was coming across like a pretentious, condescending bitch for me to look at myself and attempt to me more mindful of my posting ways.

SO.. perhaps it was justifiable as to why I was being told to shutup. I'll admit that. Even after I apologized though, I just didn't understand the animosity at the time, and it cut thru me to the core. I was in tears at one point just because that's who I am as a person. I tend to absorb harsh words rather than toss them aside.

I think sometimes we have to appreciate the diversity and the way we can come across and try to pay attention when speaking to others OUTSIDE our respective social circles. I can tell you to shut the f8ck up and you'll just let something like that roll. Where others... not so much. (I admire that in you by the way!!! Like your signature line states "love me or hate me I'm still gonna shine"... I only wish I could be more like that)

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

CG - did you just tell me to

CG - did you just tell me to kiss your ass? LOL!

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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

GASP NOOOOO!!! I told you

*GASP*

NOOOOO!!!

I told you to shut the f*ck up.

TOTALLY KIDDING!!

What I think is so classic that you have such a sap for a husband. That totally made my day.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Colorado Girl, this is so

Colorado Girl, this is so over and done with you shouldn't even think about it anymore.

I knew it didn't sound like you, I was shocked to say the least. I should have stopped and asked questions instead of jumping to the defense. I see that, now. But at the time all I wanted to do was stand firm with my friend. I am like this in RL also, when it comes to my friends I have no problem showing my teeth. Kindave sad, but kindave good. I guess I have to learn to hide my teeth a little!

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm good at that aren't I?

Since the whole blog is about cliques I'm going to let you know something. I have always felt that you are in a clique of your own. One that has the most intelligent women in it. But I've also felt that you guys look down your nose at me. Maybe I'm wrong, and I've never addressed it so I know that's wrong in its self, but I have always felt that you and your friends look down on me, like you're better than me.

So when it came to defending Wicked it wasn't a hard decision to make. Crappy of me, but I love her!!

I love you too Jen.... more

I love you too Jen.... more than you'll ever ever know!!!!!

Boooo. I did not realize you

Boooo.

I did not realize you felt this way. I've got a mighty big nose, perhaps that's why you feel the way you do.

I'm going to challenge you a little bit here Jen. I want you to look at my actions. I have almost as a constant tried to be good to you. Even when you have told me to go away in your own way. I accept you as who you are and have on several occasions let you know how great I thought you were. I admire your honesty and openness... and your willingness to put it all out there. Good gosh I wish that I could be more like that.

I know that I connect with people in a "different" way. Not better, deeper, higher, or whatever level.. just different. I'm sorry that you don't feel like you are a part of that. By your own admittance, you've stated that you struggle in "personal" space. I'm all up in that space when it comes to friendships. Doesn't mean you and I don't function at a level that is comfortable for the both of us.

I know what it's like to feel like when others think they're "better". I also know that comes with me not feeling like I fit in. Try to change your outlook a little and maybe you'll see that I hardly think I'm good enough 90% of the time... so me thinking I was "better" than anyone is actually kinda comical.

Much love.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Colorado Girl, No it's not

Colorado Girl,

No it's not cause of your nose......and you are georgus so shut it sister.

You have been good to me, even when others weren't. I never understood why. I guess that's why I have always thought you and your girls thought I wasn't really quite good enough to be a friend of yall's. Though I must admit, recentaly a good friend of yours reached out to me, someone that I thought wouldn't so much as piss on me if I were on fire!! She reached out, talked to me, and really surprised the hell out of me.

This is what I'm getting at CG. You just never really know the people unless you talk to them. I don't want new members to think that I'm running with my pack and don't care about them.

It took me a while to understand you.....I'll admit it. I never knew why you bothered talking to me. I said that I have always thought that you believed yourself to be so much better than me, maybe it was actually me believing you were. Hum.

I'll be damned.

I know I hate it when I see you type out the words "I'm going to challenge you a bit here Jen". Because it usually means I'm going to discover something that I really don't want to own up to! LMAO! Thanks, for listening and talking with me about it.

Maybe I can let that tight guard of mine down a little more.

I never knew why you

I never knew why you bothered talking to me. I said that I have always thought that you believed yourself to be so much better than me, maybe it was actually me believing you were. Hum.

Here's the best part. I never once felt bothered.

There's a small number of women here who had their first babies pretty young. I'm always drawn to those women because there is a certain understanding and thinking that goes with that. We all seem to have similar issues stemming in our childhood and I find comfort in those who went thru it.

Makes me feel less alone. I saw parts of myself in you is all.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I was totally intimidated by

I was totally intimidated by what is considered "cliques" when I first joined, but over time I learned that it isn't really a "clique" issue, it is an issue of getting to know background, perspective, circumstances. We're all here because we're in blended families, but our situations are each unique and without getting to know one another it is hard to be objective, to understand tone and very easy to misinterpret, get defensive, feel offended, or take advice that we don't want to hear. I think it is hard for new members because the come on here and vent, thinking I am safe this is a vent site. Also, they may lurk for awhile and read something and think "I feel that way too", then they post it and get blasted.

For example, BBB posted that she hated sd yesterday and was talked off the ledge in a very compassionate way, but if a new member posted those exact words, they would have gotten a very different response and possibly berated for being hateful and admonished. The difference - we could put BBB's post into the context of knowing she doesn't hate the kid, but is frustrated. We do not have the same insight to someone who is new. And that is why I never bash someone for venting something. I do ignore certain people if they have a history of defensive, nasty behavior who simply want everyone to agree and not take advice, but I think we've proven that getting to know someone's situation can change a lot (Steperg comes to mind) of perspective.

So, to all you newbies, I offer this - don't get discouraged. Stick around even after a beating. Give us detail and time to get to know you. Let us help you. This site is like any other place in the world, relationships take time to grow.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

I don't think Cliques are

I don't think Cliques are productive. I never have. I don't consider myself part of one either. I hated that crap in high school and I hate it now. I may have friends, but I don't JUST stick to a particular group. I just kind of float along and stick up for anyone who I think is being treated unfairly. If I don't have anything productive to add to a post, mostly I won't comment. Just my opinion.....not that anybody asked

Crystal.......if I may

Crystal.......if I may ask......what has a HS feel to it? The avatars, the fact that we all talk alot, what was it exactaly?

PS....just so you know most of us were accused of being in a "clique" prior to the wolf avatars.

I just want to say, the

I just want to say, the BMJen and I have butted heads a few times on here, but I still respect and consider her a friend for forcing me to see things differently. I think "cliques" are different then what we have here in the sense of "cliques" like in high school, are determined to hate each other for sometimes NO reason, and never ever no matter what allow someone else in. I don't see it that way here. I see it as a group of people, mostly women that have differing opinions and sometimes (just as with RL groups of women) we clash. No big deal.

Where 2 months ago BMJen was telling me how wrong I was for doing something... I am pretty sure I had a dirty dream about her last night }:) (kidding... or am I??)

So... take that work "clique" and remove it from my vocabulary... cause I don't buy it!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Ahhhh DIS! I've been

Ahhhh DIS! I've been replaced with Jen? I always lose out to her.... *pout pout* LOL!

I supposed you missed the

I supposed you missed the post yesterday where we were having a 3some...(you me and Jen)? We were getting cyber freaky and you didn't even know about it!!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Oh I saw that late

Oh I saw that late yesterday... it was either while I was at perfectson's soccer game or when I got home... I knew I was feeling groovy for some reason! LOL

I must have been having the

I must have been having the same dream Dis because when Juice came to bed he said I was in a very strange position. LMAO!!

You've slapped me around once or twice also, and I appreciate every time you do it because you make me open my eyes to a different point of view. That's what you're here for right?

That is exactly what I am

That is exactly what I am here for... and to get the same in return...

----------> I must have been having the same dream Dis because when Juice came to bed he said I was in a very strange position. LMAO!!

Heehee! Dirty girl!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

pout I thought you only

*pout* I thought you only had naughty dreams about me? lol

I have a few select "naughty dreamgirls" but I ain't spillin the beans

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

Hey.. the more the merrier,

Hey.. the more the merrier, right... welcome to my dreams BBB.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

And for the record... BBB is

And for the record... BBB is THE Bitch, not A bitch... and I love her

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

OMG.... LMFAO!!!!!!!! That

OMG.... LMFAO!!!!!!!! That is just priceless!

She is our BITCH. . . BITCH

She is our BITCH. . . BITCH . . . BARBIE!!

dum, dum, dum, dum, de, dum, dum
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

You crack me up DIS! "There

You crack me up DIS!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

I have a low self

I have a low self esteem...but I still like to use my own drummer and my own personal beat.

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

I think that being "friends"

I think that being "friends" is FAR different than being in a clique. Being in a clique would mean that the rest of the "clique" would shun you if you had a differing opinion. Friends respect your right to the opinion and will stand up for what is right, no matter if it makes them unpopular.

I have stood up for many people here. (that doesn't sound grammatically correct, but????/ ) Anyway, one of the ones I remember in particular was BMJen, but then she was SMJen. She was being attacked, and I felt unfairly so. It didn't make me very popular, and the whole thing actually resulted in a few members being asked to leave, or being removed (rightfully so!. Anyway, I still feel good about MY role in the whole thing, and I think thats what matters most in the end. It's kind of like the definition of integrity..... doing what's right even when no one is looking.

If you feel that you belong to a "clique", I ask you to re-examine your role in that clique. If one of the "clique" had a differing view and called you out, would you appreciate that or would you be pissed?

I love that you wrote this

I love that you wrote this Sia.

And you're correct with how you define things. I only wrote clique because it's being tossed around alot. I don't feel that's what we are though, I feel we are friends.....nothing more or less.

And trust me girl, my friends have been harsher on me than anyone else when I need it. If I don't agree with them I let them know.....

I'm glad you were there for me Sia. If you hadn't been I know I wouldn't be a member here anymore. All that stuff hurt so bad.......

You know, the word "clique"

You know, the word "clique" is almost always applied by someone on the outside, who makes a judgment about the people they perceive to be on the "inside" in a way that they think is bad somehow.

So, what is the difference between a group of friends and a clique?

A group of friends is looking at their relationships and feeling a special connection to those people. Is there anything wrong with that?

A clique is a group that voluntarily, expressly excludes people who don't follow their rules. I would say that a lot of the time (outside of high school that is) that will to exclude is something that an outsider presumes of them, rather than what they are actually doing. I guess I see most of the talk about cliques on here as paranoia, rather than reality.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I was one of the first

I was one of the first people to say the word "clique", and I can assure you, I am not paranoid, nor do I feel like an outsider.
The point I was making in my original post on this thread is that a new person says ABC, and she is jumped on for what she says, and someone in the "clique" says ABC, and gets support.
That behavior fits your definition of a clique.

"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown

I'm sorry you feel this way.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Is there a way for you to get beyond it?

I just feel badly for people

I just feel badly for people that post and get flack for it, and they see others post the same thing and they get sympathy. That's my main point. Just if everyone could look at a new poster or someone posting something inflammatory with the idea that maybe their friend is posting it, rather than a stranger, and try to respond with that mind set, maybe a lot of these issues could be avoided. Maybe I am not explaining myself well, because I actually like and respect the thoughts and advice of the people that I say are in a "clique". I guess "group of friends" would be a better term.

"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown

Actually, I think that's

Actually, I think that's less like a "clique" and more just human nature in dealing with strangers vs. people you know a little better.

If a complete stranger gets on the elevator with me and says, "Hi. I want to kill my stepkid" I'm gonna think, wow, should I call the cops or something? Is this person serious? Wow, that's awful -- I'm scared for the kid." Maybe that person is just venting. But geez, wouldn't a person like that recognize, "Hey, this person doesn't know me at all -- she has no way to judge whether I'm serious or not. She has no information about me other than that I came in here and said something pretty extreme."

If a friend of mine, someone I've had a lot of conversations with, says "I want to kill my stepkid" -- well then, this is someone I know. I know how she killed herself at Christmas time making her a costume for her church play. I know how hard she tries. And most of all, I know her to be a sane, reasonable person. SO I can assume she's just venting.

We all put people in the context of what we know and can assume about them. If we have less to go on, we have less information to judge whether someone is just plain hateful, or is having a rough day.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I understand what you are

I understand what you are saying, that is a great explanation.

So now that I have posted on these boards about 10 times, can I say sometimes I want to kill my stepkid? Or maybe posting 10 times gets me a "I want to kill my DH" LOL

"Kindness is usually mistaken for weakness by stupid people" author unknown

LOL! You know, emotions run

LOL!

You know, emotions run high at a place like this -- because most of us end up here out of desperation. I think sometimes newbies are emotional and maybe not quite as careful as they would be if they were walking into an actual room of actual people. I mean, would you walk into a party, and after 5 minutes of standing there watching people in groups talk to each other, jump into the center of the room and blurt out whatever anger or anxiety you were feeling, without introducing yourself to a few people first, and trying to get to know them?

Every "room", every new situation, has a "culture." To an outsider, you have to learn that culture before you can understand how to best interact in that culture. And I think that if you don't take the time to pay attention to the rules, and get rebuffed for it, then it's easy to feel it's a clique.

I've been told that by nature, I'm the type to walk into a new situation and spend a lot of time observing others before engaging. So maybe I'm less likely to just burst in and say something that people could misinterpret. I suppose that people with different personalities could get burned more easily than someone like me, who's naturally more introverted and careful. That said, I have been attacked from time to time -- but all of the people who have said anything offensive to me have been newbies (i.e. here for less than a week).

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Once upon a time I was

Once upon a time I was called a "ringleader" for those who were around to recall.

And that struck me as downright funny.

I don't think that person is still here though and honestly? I don't remember who it was.

I believe I was called so b/c I challenged their thinking, and I did so calmly and intelligently. They responded by baiting me. I took baiting a bit more in those days, being so well trained by those around me to do so.

I don't anymore. So I suppose there's been growth in my crisis after all.

I don't belong to a clique, never liked them. I stick up for underdogs and friends and people I don't agree with if others attack them. Although...

I've also learned to stop that through another site for families of borderlines.

We need to remember that Dawn and Admin are highly tolerant, far more so than other sites. A lot of us wouldn't still be here if they weren't.

Hugs to all my friends and those I've yet to make on here.

And I shall be the Jester.

And I shall be the Jester. Not cause I think I am funny... but because I am such an enormous DORK.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I thought I was the

I thought I was the jester.

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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."

We can be like Tweedle Dee

We can be like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb...

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Well I do come from Circus

Well I do come from Circus stock.

But I am not nor have I ever professed to be the ring leader. More like the driver of the little clown car these days.

Amen to that Sita. Every

Amen to that Sita. Every time I log on I'm shocked that she hasn't banned me yet!

I just want to say I love

I just want to say I love you all. You ladies are great. And even when you tell me I'm an idiot for staying in my situation I still love you guys.

That's all.

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****

Even me HeavenLeigh? I've

Even me HeavenLeigh? I've nailed your butt to the wall a couple times... I swear I've done it out of care and concern but you are one stubborn girl! LOL I have talked to you exactly like I would my own kid or one of his friends because you are so young... *sigh* and I'll still do the same for you as I would for them... if I can't change your mind, I'll stand behind you and be there for you to give you hugs or kick your butt, whatever is required.

Even you WSM!!! You make me

Even you WSM!!! You make me see thing's in a different light. And yea sometimes you make me mad, but I understand you do it out of the kindness of your heart. You don't want to see me get screwed over! And I understand that. As for the stubborn thing... Well I am a Taurus. LOL

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****

OMG... well no freaking

OMG... well no freaking wonder... my DH is a Taurus too!! I might as well give up then! LMAO!!!!!!!

I want to be in the

I want to be in the clique...LOL

I don't wanna be in the

I don't wanna be in the clique anymore:(

j/k made ya look

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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin

OMG you beyotch. I reread

OMG you beyotch. I reread this entire thing so I wouldn't miss the "new" comment and here you are at the end with this BS. I'm gonna hurt you. And no, you aren't going to like it!

Okay, maybe you will! LOL

Silly girl DISbelief~ ~You

Silly girl

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

You are here

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