My husband bought alcohol for my young grand kids
My husband took my three grand kids out camping about 6 miles from our home at a very cool lake where all the teenagers love to go because there is lots to do. I don't like to camp out so I came out there in the day time and spent nights at home. He has been married three times before our marriage and has a teen age daughter from his last marriage. He watches her like a hawk when she is with us and treats her much better than he treats my grand kids. Any way, we have had major trouble with him lying to me and not being loyal since the first year. I assumed that he was trying to win brownie points by taking my three grands to the lake after his own daughter left. The last night of the week long camp out I called to say good night and my grand daughter, 16 at the time, sounded weird. She was slurring her words and laughing a lot. She made lame excuses when I asked to speak to my husband. Finally I went out there and found her and the girl friend she had invited as well as my 14 year old grand son, drunk! My husband was so wasted that he didn't even try to hide it. Beer cans and wine bottles were all over the camp site. I was horrified, heart broken and disgusted. I got all of the kids into bed and he was in the back of the camper passed out so I waited till morning out in the car. The next day he made excuses that he had taken too much valium and didn't know what he was doing when he bought them the beer. Then he said the oldest grand child, the girl, was begging and driving him crazy and wouldn't stop. He said she told him that her mother lets her drink and so he bought it. She got real mad and said she didn't beg for it but she lies also so I didn't know what to think. I got them home to their mother and she was mad and I haven't seen them since. That was three years ago. I can't seem to forget it and let it go. He keeps saying he's forgiven. He's a preacher and I had asked him to try and make an impact on them while they were with us because they get no training at home as far as morals or religion. This has put a bigger wedge in between us and he says it's because I won't let it go. He blames my oldest grand daughter and I blame him. Can anyone out there share any advice or similar expeience? I sure need advice. Thanks so much.
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I don't want to jump to any
I don't want to jump to any conclusions, so could you clarify some things about your situation.
Does your husband drink a lot and frequently abuse prescription drugs?
Do you think if he was out of the picture you would be able to resume a relationship with your grandchildren?
And how does a preacher get blasted on valium and booze while taking some teenagers on a "moral" retreat?
yes, all you say make sense
yes, all you say make sense but they realy don't have any morals and are not taught about religion and she has both girls on birth control at a very young age. They are taught to do what ever they please as long as they tell their mother. She gave all of them wine and beer the year before this happened and video taped them drunk. She is a nut case for real. I had hoped that Christian influence might make a difference.
No, as far as I know he
No, as far as I know he hardly ever drinks. The last time I know of is when we got into a fight seven years ago. He only takes valium once in awhile. never has abused it. My grand kids don't like him now and won't talk to me because the oldest one is mad and their mother encourages them not to talk to me. Before this we got along great. All of us. He said he was just a nervous wreck after having my grand kids all week and their friends came into the camper all day and raded the ice box and played music and wouldn't listen to him. Thanks for the questions. I sure hope I can get some answers. I don't want to hold on to the past but I am very hurt and have no trust any more.
I think it's strange for a
I think it's strange for a man who claims to be a preacher not to admit any guilt in the situation and to put all of the blame on the oldest teenager. I guess he did admit to being overwhelmed. Do you forgive him?
I am sensing there is something else going on with him beyond this one incident that leads you to mistrust him. I believe that deep down you have your answers about what is wrong with the situation, but they just may not be the answers you think you want.
Yes, you are right. He
Yes, you are right. He always blames others for his mistakes. He can't seem to take the blame and full responsibility for anything he does. Before we were married he needed $500 so that we could go on a trip and he came to me and said, "My son needs $500". and I sent the money to his son who I liked very much. They live in Florida. I found out later from his son's wife, that as soon as they got the money from western union, his son mailed it to him. He said he was going to pay it back and he did make a couple payments to me before I found out the truth. Yes, there have been many incidents of lies and betrayal. And I always try and forgive. He lied and tricked me about a serious sexual impotent problem he had before we married. He told me he had land in Tennessee and I sold my land and home to move there with him. He didn't have anything and we had to use my money to build a home. He did all of the work so I didn't have to hire a contractor or carpenter, but still the dishonesty is always there. The case with my grand kids is the hardest to forgive. I may have forgot to mention that all of my money is gone now and I am unable physically to work standing up and am over 60.
Oh wow, he sounds like a
Oh wow, he sounds like a total con man. Are you supporting him? Or are you financially dependent on him?
Why do you stay with him? What does he offer that makes you look past all of his lies and terrible judgement?