Did you know that "necular" parents argue about raising kids to?
It's not just us you guys. Every family, even necular ones argue about how, when, etc to discipline the kids, allowance, rules, etc. There's always a softie between parents. I do most of the discipline when it comes to my son. He is right there to support me anytime I need it though. And honestly I'm thankful for it. My little boy has been abducted by aliens and replaced with this testosterone filled lunatic. He will go off like a roman candle anymore, it's so weird. DH enforces most of the rules with SD, but I'm softer with her because she's not here very often....EOW. So I don't want the entire time to be spent yelling at her! Anyway, we parent together all the way. We consider all the kids our kids......
BUT, we still argue every now and again about the kids. It's rare these days, but it does happen. I think no matter what kind of family you are in, necular or step, there will always be arguing over the kids. It just seems to hit so much harder when it's a step situation because they aren't yours. If they were yours you'd have the authority to raise them how you see fit, and alot of you here feel your hands are tied when it comes to the skids and I think that is very sad. I wouldn't be able to do it if DH wasn't backing me up all the time.
Anyway, the point is that you shouldn't give up just because you and your DH argue over the skids or even your own bio's. Every family in the world argues over their kids. I told DH the other day that when BD 2 grows up I can see me and him going toe to toe. He laughed it off, but I meant it! She's my baby, my angel, my precious little perfect girl!! I'm going to spoil the shit out of her and he knows it! LOL! But I bet we'll argue over her a few times. 
Just another perspective to think about, that's all! 
- BMJen's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You raise an excellent point
You raise an excellent point Jen. We tend to go on put "poor me, I'm a step parent" tangents... when it happens in Bio families as well. One of the reasons my EX and I split was because he had "better things to do" than help me with the kids... who were BABIES at the time and I worked full time. Better things to do meant going to the bar after work, instead of coming home to help me. I was "Norm's wife" you know... from Cheers. I actually had to call the bar and tell the bartended to send my husband home. And the bar was across the street from his work, which was an hour away from home... off a very dangerous canyon road. I got to sit home and HOPE he made it home safely. Yeah, we fought about the kids. Thanks for reminding me that the arguements are not "out of the norm"!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Yes it does happen in
Yes it does happen in nuclear families also. But in the nuclear family, the parent has the right to be the mean one while the other is the lax one.
In step families, the SM isn't allowed to be the mean one and can't enforce anything(in most sitches).
I know it, that's where we
I know it, that's where we are left feeling jaded sometimes. Sometimes though it's just normal stuff, know what I mean? It doesn't always have to be a huge blow out just because we argue over the kids, bio or step.
I understand. Sometime I
I understand. Sometime I don't know what is normal anymore though. It isn't that my bio kid didn't make some of the bad choices SS16 is making. It is the fact that nothing is ever done to correct or help him make better ones...and 2 more coming up that will have the same 'no conscious' decision making skills.
Bioparents may disagree
Bioparents may disagree regarding kids, but I never argued re kids with my xH like I have with BF. It's so friggin' complicated with a stepfamily. My ex and I were and ARE on the same page when it comes to parenting. BF/BM/and me are all on different pages. Most of the arguments we've had re SD are not about normal stuff, it's about emotionally dysfunctional behavior...we're not talking about a towel being left on the floor or minor annoying kid behavior. We are different in our approach to parenting...that causes problems too. I have two teens and BF has one child that is the center of the Universe. My kids know I am the authority, I can discipline without fear of my xH being up my ass, I don't have to worry about losing their affection because I am disciplining them in an appropriate way...not true on his end.
It's too much for me.
I'm sorry you're having a
I'm sorry you're having a hard time Alex.....
Thank you Jen. You're a
Thank you Jen. You're a sweetheart.
Yep Jen, you are right...
Yep Jen, you are right... Makes me think maybe the arguments are just normal stuff.. As my sons father left the state when he was 6 weeks and saw him only one more time when my son was 2. After signing the divorce papers we never heard from him again.. No birthday cards, Christmas cards, nothing... So I had to be both parents . My son may have gotten mad when disciplined but I know he always loved me.. The problem for me with the SD is her mother in recent months has poisoned her thinking regarding my love for her.. Unhappy BM, unhappy SD... Unhappy SM... As a SM you can't really say what you want.. without causing a major problem.. And that sucks for me anyway.