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facebook & the pics teen post...is it normal to post pics of your "divorced" parents together?

herewegoagain's picture

I found it interesting today as I was looking at my husband's best friend's facebook page...he was "tagged" by his daughter (from his first marriage) in a photo...and old one at that, which means, she had to obviously scan it...of her dad, her mom and herself (she was bout 3, she is now 18)...and I wondered, is this normal?

I don't know, but I have a teen nephew and a teen niece, neither one has a pic posted of them and their parents...and their parents just recently got divorced...and the only people I see that have posted pics of their parents, it is usually with one or the other parent, as one has usually died and my friends are mostly in their 50s, etc...

So then I remember the WIFE (current, ie. THE wife) of our friend telling me that she thought that the BM of her stepdaughter was getting a divorce...that lately she had left the daughter twice at their house because she was going out of town w/girlfriends...and that her husband's sister is all of a sudden super buddies with the ex-wife...they hang out together, etc...but that she's just trying to ignore them all...

You know, I just don't see it as normal that any teen would be posting baby pics of the w/parents on facebook, but much less of her divorced parents...the fact is that his wife has always treated this girl amazingly well, has always treated her like she was her own, and is truly a great woman that has treated the step so very well...but I just think that the step daughter owes her a bit more respect than to post such pics...and no, I can't stand to hear it's not disrespectful because again, I don't know a single teen posting pics of their parents online, except in this case one who's "mom is getting divorced"...what a coincidence...

Any thoughts?

PS-brought back bad memories of one of DHs friends having a party at his house and his wife putting a video (while I was 7 mos pregnant) so we could see DH's daughter, with her daddy and mommy when she was little!!! ahhh...I mean, really, non of my divorced friends do this...what's up with people?

Comments

sweetthing's picture

My cousin had an old family picture as her profile pic for a while. My Uncle & Aunt have been divorced for at least 20 years. BUT, neither of them have a SO, and if my uncle wasn't such a drunk they would probably get back together. I don't think it really meant anything. If you wanted I could ask her, she is a very upfront no holds barred kind of gal.

Gia's picture

That is strange because she was just 3 years old, and could not possibly remember much from her parents being together, however, that picture might be very special to her because it might be one of the only pictures in which both her mom and dad are with her. If SD ever put up a picture like that in whatever social network they have in about 7 years. I (and DH) would probably force her to take it down. She was barely 2 when they got divorced, and there is no reason for her to have a picture like that when those times are so remotely gone.

You are right, It is a personal matter, some people wouldn't care, but I personally would find it unacceptable and disrespectful.

Sincerely,

G

"I will die on my feet before I live on my knees"

Coldandloved's picture

I've witnessed the same thing. One SD has all of these pictures of them and Mommy and Daddy posted as one family on facebook.We're starting counseling soon, she's the one who hasn't come to terms with their divorce yet. She still thinks parties should be with both families there, that Mom's picture should be in our house, and has numerous pictures of her "family" in her bedroom. She's also completely refused to accept me as a part of her life even though she lives in my house, and I've been married to her Dad for about a year. I'd say you may be in for a bumpy road as I was. They use the past as an excuse to try and hurt you, and hang on to the past in many unhealthy ways. It's as simple as it looks, she won't let go of the past because to her it was a more pleasant time.

Stepmom1966's picture

Me & my XH have been split up since 1995 & my kids still post pics of us together. I guess because we are both still their parents even though we're not together & haven't been for some time. He's been remarried twice. I wouldn't take too much stock in it. Kids love both their parents whether the parents still love each other or not.

*I know the voices in my head arn't real...But they do have some great ideas!!

herewegoagain's picture

Interesting...I guess even the cases described here it is usually kids of divorced parents...except steperg...again, I just don't have a single friend who's parents are still together that posts this, except again, people in their 30s and up...not teens...

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

MyFace and SpaceBook are going to be the downfall of humanity on a global scale… they are the antichrists of this generation and must be stopped at all costs!
Wink

*ducks from many thrown shoes*

That being said…
Maybe the girl just thinks that it’s a cute photo of herself as a tot..?
After all, those pages are nothing but a means to be openly narcissistic
in a socially acceptable manner.

“Look at me and what I think and who I know and what I like… Weeeeeeeeeeee!”

*ducks from more thrown shoes*

luckykell's picture

Hahaha, this made me laugh! Smile I agree, even though I am a facebook addict!

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Some of perfectson's friends do this, the girls of course as the boys don't seem to care about pictures much anyway unless it's of them doing something pretty dumb. These kids are nearly all from divorced homes with remarriages and not much trouble between homes either, but the kids like pictures of their parents. I think maybe it helps reinforce that once upon a time their parents did like each other and got along. When I married DH and moved in, I found lots of pictures of DH and BM, even some wedding pictures so I put them in an album for the girls to have. Yah, they make me gag, but the girls love them and that's what matters to me. If they scanned it ones of them together I would still gag but I wouldn't care too much because that *was* their original family so that's ok to me.

misfit's picture

I'd echo the opinions of others about the photos. There are many ways to interpret her behavior but you'll drive yourself bonkers trying to do that, doll. I know it's hurtful and bothersome but you might just have to let that one slide.

As far as the video at friend's party- How insensitive!! Wow, some people have balls of steel and brains of cows (who, to be fair are quite intelligent but well..they are cows and that's the point lol). I wouldn't be surprised if that person had a little "ahha I might have fudged that one up" moment after you guys left, especially if you showed any discomfort but they're too guilty and embarrassed to apologize.

Did DH say anything about the video? Protest? Act nervous, uncomfortable?
What an awkward situation. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

herewegoagain's picture

DH saw my face and saw other people there who didn't even know me look at us...hmmm...and said, "Let's go"...of course, when we walked out of the house, and we were very nice, said nothing, they came to aplogize...hmmm...we never visited them again.

soverysad's picture

I have a friend whose daughter is 17. She always posts pics of her with her parents (either separately or together). So do many of her friends. I wouldn't stress over this issue. Sometimes kids of divorce struggle with the fact that they are equal parts of two people who don't like each other. That's a tough thing to reconcile, especially if they are more like one parent than the other. They start to wonder if the other parent doesn't like parts of them too. Perhaps it is just this girls way of reminding herself that it wasn't always that way. Or maybe she just liked the picture? Or perhaps a friend wanted to see what her parents looked like. Kids, especially teens, do things for all kinds of reasons we don't understand.

I think part of blended family issues (not all, there are many factors) is the overly sensitive analysis we do on everyone involved and what their motives are. We'd never question motives of kids in an intact family if they posted the same pic, right?

My step situation is far, far from perfect. Everyone on here knows that I struggle with my relationship with Creature every day, but there are somethings that just don't bother me. She barely remembers her dad and mom together, but sometimes she'll talk about how they lived in this house together (clearly something her mother tells her). It doesn't bother me. She's right, they did. No affect on my current relationship with dh or the home we've made together. Sometimes we have to stop taking things personally.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Sometimes we have to stop taking things personally. <-----I couldn't agree more. (Especially with teens because yes, sometimes their reasons are just kinda out there lol)

soverysad's picture

I try not to take much personally. Everyone in this world views life from a very unique perspective. We're drawn to people whose perspective is somewhat close to our own via life experiences, etc. Sometimes we screw up (like some folks on here who are married to people whose perspective on parenting are polar opposites). The problem is that as each of us are drawn to certain qualities / perspectives, the other person draws other people near them due to perspectives in other areas, meaning we're often exposed to family / friends who have some connection with our partners / skids, etc from an angle on which our perspective is totally different. Make sense?

I think, too often, people look too hard for acceptance. We want our skids to like us and accept us as part of their life. I don't really look for that. I expect respect, but if Creature wants to fantasize about her parents' time together, I can respect that. It is part of her legacy. Ask any parent of an adult adopted child and they'll tell you that no matter how much a child loves you / accepts you, they have a desire to know where they came from (both halves and how it all related).

I always tell people it is strange to lose a sibling to death because a sibling (close in age) is someone who truly knows your life. They were there for all of it (mostly) and they viewed it through the same eyes at the same time. My parents perspective on my life / my brothers' lives is much different than our views of our lives together.

Kids / teens / even young adults view life differently than parents, sparents, etc. Sometimes there actions have very logical motivations, that we will never understand.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"