no

yes, for peace,buy it...

Nope. Her weekend, her problem.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Whomever is taking the child to the party should buy the gift. I am sure your dh pays cs. I know it doesn't cover extra-curricular activities, but it does cover recreation while in mom's care. Mom can't make plans (vacation, parties, etc.) and expect your husband to pay for them. Next she'll be asking for him to contribute to xmas gifts for her family because she bought them last year. She's taking her to the party, she is responsible for the gift.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

Depends on the relationship you have with BM and SD.
I would say NO if BM asked me that but I can't stand the thought of doing this woman any favors.
You are probably a bigger person than me so I would say "Yes for peace" as Primrose stated.

"I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the end your right to say it," - Voltaire

I'd say no. I don't ask my ex for things like that...he pays CS and so I just get them. However, if the bd party was for someone in his wife's family etc. he can get the gift.

I can't even imagine asking anyone to do that for me...what's her deal?

No,we NEVER buy gifts for the parties SD chooses to go to unless it's on our weekend and when we do it, it comes out of the child support check because usually BM was the one who RSVP'd the invite anyway so it wasn't our choice to have SD go in the first place.
Birthday parties shouldn't be categorized as "SD NEEDS to go to this party." it's "SD WANTS to go to this party" therefore, the parent who is on board with her going gets to pay for the gift.

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"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut

Say you don't have time to stop or shop. It's a diplomatic approach (which is always best I think to keep the tide smooth). But I would say don't buy it!

First of all, SD10 is getting close to an age where she can do chores to earn an allowance for a gift. If you feel you need to do this, use it as life experience, maker her earn it, and make it HER responsibility.

Secondly, if BM thinks that SD should go to all the birthday parties she's invitied to, that's great! She should think of a craft idea to make the friend, or come up with something on her own to give the friend. What happens on BM's clock, is BM's expense. I'm sure that's reciprocal. My SD has a dinner banquet coming up. BM's weekend, but the other SD has her sorta tied up that day. She asked if we wanted to go, and if so she would pay for SD's meal as it is her weekend. We don't pay CS either, but that's how it works. Sounds like it's early on and BM needs to know that your clock is your wallet. Exceptions to that rule are very few and far between.

Looking at it from BM's point of view, I can see why she might ask if you will buy the present this time since she did so the last time. I think that if we were in the same situation we would ask BM to pay for the gift if we had paid for the last one. If the birthday kid is a classmate or something that is a pretty neutral ground. BUT, if it were like BM's niece/nephew or some closer friend to hers then I'd say she should buy it.

I would say BM's time, BM's money buys the party gift.

Adding money to BM's coffers in addition to CS can be a long slippery slope.

Don't let BM play this as being "all about the kids". It is about her managing money is what it is about.

Though we are the custodial household for our Son (my SS) we get the "I/we can't afford it" whine from BioDad and SpermGrandMa occassionally.

Our response is "I am sorry to hear that ........ will you be purchasing tickets for the next visitation or are you not executing your visitation? Oh, you are not? Okay, here is the Skid, you can explain to him that you will not be taking him this Summer/Winter/Spring."

We refuse to "help" BioDad or SpermGrandMa reduce the cost of their responsibility to support our Son (my SS). BioDads incessent out-of-wedlock breeding is not our problem and my SS should not suffer because of it.

So, we let them fully experience the consequences of the actions including their inability to manage their financial situation and provide for BioDad's brood.

BM will learn if you do not bail her out for this kind of crap.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Nope, her weekend, she agreed to let SD go, she buys it.

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

BF will buy the bday gift if the bday falls on his weekend, if it falls on BM's weekend, no way!

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE
Madea gives relationship advice

No, don't buy it. I am a BM also and whenever my bio kids have birthday parties I buy the gifts. I do get child support so even if it's his weekend to have them I still buy the gift.

Edited to add we used to buy extra things for SD in addition to paying CS but it was never good enough, BM always wanted more. If we bought boots then she wanted us to buy a coat, then sneakers, then airfare for her vacation, then spending money for SD when she goes out with her mom. Now we do no extra at all and BM is just as much of a bitch as she ever was except we have more money in the bank!

Did she have the kid when she sent the email?

Is she asking you personally to but it on your time?

I'd hit reply and just say, "No."

PS: *Buy

I'm both a BM and a SM and even if the birthday party falls on a weekend that my DD9 is scheduled to be with her BD, I'll check with him and see if he is available to take her and if so, I'll purchase the gift and send it with my daughter when she goes to visit her BD. If it's a party for someone in his family or in his neighborhood or something like that, I assume that he does the gift buying because he wouldn't need to tell me anything about the party in the first place. . . .

But your situation is a bit different because you guys have close to 50/50 custody with no child support. What does your DH want to do?

I wouldn't. If you give into her request - what will she ask for next?

hmmm I am in a similar situation and bm sometimes asks things like this. while annoying, it is for the child so.... I would agree to buy it I guess. ya this crap happens in our home too but for the sake of peace and the kids and thanking God we don't pay child support we would prob agree to buy it.

We usually buy the gift if it is on a weekend we have the SSs. However, sometimes BM will buy a gift, especially if she is trying to impress the parents. This sucks, because we don't know when to buy a gift and when not to. BM makes the rules.

its her wknd she should buy it.