Let BM win?
BM asked DH back in December if he would pay for day care (for his biological son and his non-biological daughter) because she had to get a root canal and couldn't pay that week. He agreed (DUMB!) and I told him he better get it in writing that she will pay him back. He trusted her because she was getting a work bonus the following week, and she promised she would pay him back the $230 as soon as she got her bonus.
MONTHS go by. Finally DH asks her for the money because things are getting financially rough with paying her $690 a month CS. She DENIES she ever agreed to pay him. Says "If you think I'm going to give YOU money, you're crazy!"
She calls yesterday and asks us to take SS2 for the weekend because she wants to go to a hockey game. DH asks why she can't take him to the game (he LOVES hockey!). She says that would be dumb and she wants to have fun. This kills DH but he says she needs to pay him the money she owes first, or at least part of it. Argument, argument, argument...no resolution.
She posted a comment on her Facebook now that says "OMG! We've been broken up for almost 2 years..get off my f'ing back and get over it!" VERY blatantly talking about my DH...as if he's not OVER IT! Every thing is about HER. She is delusional if she truly believes he is not over her...
In our hearts we want to have SS2 for the weekend because we love every moment with him. On the other hand, BM NEVER has any consequences for her behaviors and we feel like SOMEONE needs to get something out of her that she "promises". She never would lift a finger to help us out on weekends we've wanted to switch, but she takes advantage of us ALL THE TIME because we love the kids!
What do we do? Let her "win" and fold to her request once again? Should DH continue to press the money issue?
- SteppingUp's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yep. Hound her about it like
Yep. Hound her about it like she would do if she hadn't gotten her child support...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
You are so right...she sure
You are so right...she sure would!
You need to hold her to her
You need to hold her to her promises and not cave. Unfortunately, that is the only thing that works with someone like this. Luckily, this is a situation where it's not gonna damage SS any if you don't take him. I would feel differently if the result of standing your ground would be something that would traumatize the kid.
Most biodads that get manipulated cave out of fear: fear that the BM will do something like withhold visitation, or guilt fear that their kids will somehow come out traumatized even more unless biodad give into everything. The ones who find their balls (to put it crudely) generally discover that all they had to do was learn to say no and stick to it. This dramatically improves the situation, much to their surprise.
I think what the biodads don't realize is that, in many cases, THEY are the ones holding most of the cards. It's just hard to see it. In our case, that is true. Because biodad isn't the one who is going to be coming to BM for favors, extra money for extracurriculars, changes to visitation, etc. it's usually the custodial parent who does that. So, regaining control just involves stopping the favors. It's really simple, actually, if you can just turn off the phone when she blows it up, and recognize that things like that FB post are actually signs that you are winning.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
i wouldn't do any favors or
i wouldn't do any favors or things that may benefit her (other than court ordered)- until she pays you back!
tell her no and thats it
tell her no and thats it dont let her win
I agree with everyone.
I agree with everyone. Can't you withold the difference in child support?
She can't do that. The state
She can't do that. The state will show him as being delinquent.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
He's going to show his check
He's going to show his check stub to the child support office today to show that he paid day care that time...hopefully they can do something!
He gets his CS taken right out of his work check, so he is screwed if that doesn't work. Unless he takes her to small claims court?
I can almost guarantee they
I can almost guarantee they won't do a damn thing. I am pretty sure your husband will never see this money again, and he should consider it a hard lesson learned...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
Agreed. They will probably
Agreed. They will probably just see it as a "gift".
"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown
I agree. And TheWife is
I agree. And TheWife is right -- don't take it out of the child support. Our lawyer told us that, as well.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
What is with people posting
What is with people posting that crazy stuff on Myspace/Facebook??? Our BM does that too! Do they really want the entire world to think they are lunatics?
OH and a new update about
OH and a new update about the Facebook comment. He called her this am and asked her to remove slanderous information about him off of her FB and that a friend of his saw it and told him. She says it's not about him - but about a different guy she was dating.
To avoid a long story, through that one comment she ended up admitting that she was cheating on DH at the end of their relationship and she's been lying about dating that guy right after they broke up. DH knew and could never prove it...she lies and lies and lies and then when she gets caught she doesn't even care. So why lie in the first place?
I will never understand her!