I met with my counselor Friday. Loghead couldn't get off work, so he missed again. The doc and I discussed the events of my life since my last visit in January. She was proud of the progress I made, and wanted me to stick with my mantra, my disengagement and my happy journal. (She has me journal once a day where I have to list at least one positive thing of the day.)

I told her about Loghead telling me in an argument that he thought I should take Gibby and leave. I told her about how when they boys fought that night, he'd asked me "What did you do?"

She pointed out to me that is a phrase he seems to throw at me a lot- "What did you do?"

We talked about how it made me feel, and how I should respond to it. She suggested I come up with a phrase and physical response to that comment each time he gives it. We came up with the idea of me saying, "Don't blame me when your kids misbehave. It's not my fault," and then leaving the room. WE decided that would be a good exit for me to go to the treadmill, since another goal is getting myself back in shape.

I've practiced that phrase in my head over and over since I left her office, so it would be good and "tight" when I had to use it.

I had to use it last night. PITA got mad at me around 10 pm, because I wouldn't give him a soda from my secret stash. I bought a case on sale and was hiding it, only putting a few out each day to make it last. He'd already had 3- I'd given him 2 since it was a Saturday and he was working on a project with a friend, so he and the friend each had 2, then he'd also taken his dad's soda hidden in the back of the fridge.

I said no. PITA asked again, I said no. No anger, just firmly. PITA asked again and I did raise my voice NO (and used sign language- LOL)

He left the kitchen, and as he walked out of earshot, he called me a bitch.

"I heard that," was all I said.

Loghead comes out of Gibby's room a few minutes later, having finished bedtime story. Wait for it----

"What did you do?" he asked.

"Don't blame me when your kids misbehave. It's not my fault." I walked past him, out the front door, and over to the garage where we keep the treadmill...

It was such a rush! I felt very in control and empowered!

When I cam back in, Loghead wanted to know where I'd been. I kinda ignored that, and he said PITA came looking for me to apologize. I asked if Loghead made him do it. He said yes, and I told Loghead I won't accept forced apologies. When PITA really means it, then he can say it to me...

Loghead conveniently fell asleep on the couch in the living room watching SNL; I'm getting ready for church- and am riding on a wave of power. Let's see what today brings!