Theory about BM's/women

Dennis Prayer has a theory. ...

That you should steer clear of women who don't have at least one very close friend.

He said it's because if they don't they aren't good at relationships.

Just thinking about this in relation to the bm's...do they have at least one really close friend?

Mine has friends but none that I would call close.

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Define a close friend

Define a close friend relationship?

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I would assume like a best

I would assume like a best friend. A healthy relationship with someone they aren't sleeping with.

I understand that...what I'm

I understand that...what I'm getting at is what makes the relationship a "close" relationship or a friend a "Best" friend?

Hanging out how often?
Communicating how often?

Get my drift?
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I don't think it is based on hanging out or frequent communication. Two of my very best friends lives 320 miles away. We text and email but rarely talk by phone. They are "close" friends because they'd drop everything to be with me if I needed them and vice versa. They drove down here to spend the weekend when I was hurting. They come to support dh and my efforts in the cancer walk each year. I guess a close relationship is someone who is loyal enough to tell you when you're being a dumbass and someone from whom you'll take that and not get pissed.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

So how would anybody know if

So how would anybody know if BM has atleast one close friend or not?

I consider a couple of friends, close, I don't talk to them everyday, I rarely see them, but whenever I want to share something exciting, or need a person to cry to, they are there...and vice versa...but someone who wasn't directly involved in my life on a daily basis would never know that I had any close friends.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I guess it would be tough to

I guess it would be tough to evaluate (though our dh's would know). I guess if bm is still calling dh to vent or to get support when going through a rough patch, we could assume no one else wants to listen. Wingnut brags about all her "friends". It is my opinion that if you have to continually bring something up it is because you're trying to convince yourself not someone else.

I have no doubt that most of the "friends" in her life are tired of her poor me act. For 20 years all of these "friends" were convinced she had a perfect life and a perfect marriage because dh pretty much wiped her ass for her and she spent every penny he made showing off to these "friends". Now she is playing the "damsel in distress" act. She convinced them all dh was abusive (even though for 20 years he was perfect and she was so lucky) to both her and Creature. She convinced them he gave her no money and put her into poverty prompting them to "lend" her money, which she'll never return. Personally, I don't feel sorry for them, at the time she was pleading poverty, she was still living in the 3000 square foot house that dh was paying the mortgage on. She didn't work, so who the hell did they think was paying her bills? They believed her crap and got chewed up and spit out! I'm sure they're all sick of it. If they aren't, they're as pathetic as she is.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

Yes. I think what he was

Yes. I think what he was defining as a close relationship was one of mutual respect, abilty to confide in one and other, honest, being there for each other, that type of thing.

Also, not to say that a close relationship cannot end, they can. But that a women without an abilty to make and keep friends for more then a short time is a warning sign.

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The not being good at

The not being good at relationships, as a friend, wife, bm/sm relations, I wonder about future adult relationships with their kids....etc. Hmm...it got me thinking.

Wingnut has 3 very close

Wingnut has 3 very close minions! They all do exactly what she says. On the few occasions they have actually tried to disagree with her, they were disowned until they came groveling back for forgiveness. What is very telling is that I got her very best friend for nearly 40 years, in the divorce! This friend's husband called my dh to see how he was doing when he found out about the split, Wingnut found out and told this friend that if she couldn't control her husband and make him understand that they are HER friends they couldn't talk anymore. Needless to say, this friend's husband wasn't interested in maintaining a friendship with an a-hole and we retained this couple in the divorce. I am surprised they were ever friends since this person is actually quite normal (though she has low self-esteem, which explains why she was friends with Wingnut in the first place). Wingnut is a predator. She surrounds herself with people who have low self-esteem. She babies and coddles and makes them feel important, kissing their butts and slowly taking them away from other people in their lives with "why do you let them make you feel that way?", etc. and then once she sucks them in, her true colors come flying out and these people are so desperate to keep that bond, they do whatever they need to to keep her happy. It is sick! I see her doing it to Creature. Kissing her little behind every step of the way, telling her daddy is mean and doesn't care about her and what she is doing is setting the kid up so she can retain complete control over her.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

See and I think having

See and I think having "minions" and "close friends" are two different things.

I can see how a person from the outside looking in may not see the difference at first. But you would assume over time that it would become obvious to a normal human that the relationships are not level/normal, they are one sided?

I agree. To a complete

I agree. To a complete outsider, Wingnut looks perfectly normal. She looks like she has friends, she seems engaging and pleasant. In fact, every single mental health care professional in our case ( 6 total, but only 4 spoke with her) thought she was engaging and pleasant until they disagreed with her point of view, then she was described as aggressive, confrontational, argumentative, and generally difficult to communicate with. I am sure she makes friends fairly easily, but loses them even faster. The minions are those who are too afraid of her wrath to walk away. She's been pleasant and nice to their families and any other friends and she'll call all of those people with her version of events and these Minions will be left to their own devices (at least that is how she threatens them).

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

BM has no friends at all,

BM has no friends at all, neither does SD20...very sad

BM has a best friend...but

BM has a best friend...but almost everyone has a close/best friend. Maybe Mr. Prayer should have rather said: steer clear of women whose best friend(s) you cannot stand (after thought as to why you cannot stand them). While everyone is "special in their own way", best friends usually have certain character traits that bind them...

From what Truelight has told

From what Truelight has told me, The Wookie really didn't have any friends. She always told him that the only friend she needed was him. So that sounds right on target to me.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

BM has no best friend,

BM has no best friend, actually she has no 'good' friends even. Me? I have 3 best girlfriends in real life and we've been tight since elementary school.

I think it's sad when women don't have a best friend. I don't know what I would do without my girls, because sometimes DH just doesn't cut it, especially when I need to gripe ABOUT him!

BM tried to kill BF when he

BM tried to kill BF when he was dating someone else, and she was, too...then got dumped...fast forward to last Fall: BM and Ex2 split, same thing with her best friend, the difference being that her BFF left the sap for some side-snack while BM's side-snack didn't want her. Now BFF is back with personal sap, only knocked-up by side-snack.

YES, the husband-killing thing does triple the weirdness factor. And the only point to my post is to underscore my belief that you not only have to "check out" the prospective partner, but also his/her close/best friends.

My best buds are homosexual...our common trait? We dig men!

What?! Are you serious Ms.

What?! Are you serious Ms. Freeze?
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

Umm . . . gross!! That is

Umm . . . gross!! That is all so wrong on so many levels-!! Very Strange!!! LOL
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

I personally think that it

I personally think that it is strange for a women not to have EVER had a close friend in their adult life.

I dont know what I would do without my friends.

I think what he was trying to say (and I probably quoted him incorrectly) was that you more or less should think twice before getting involved with a women who has no history of being able to make and keep friends. Just that its a warning sign. Not that its a be all end all of if a woman is a good person. Just a sign to keep in mind.

BM has no close friends at

BM has no close friends at all - neither do SD's, unless you can count cousins as BF's. DH said she would have a friend here and there but always pissed them off by not showing up when SHE had planned something or by just being her nasty self.

I think when bm told dh

I think when bm told dh about her crotch problem, it said not only loads about her personality, but that she must not have any close friends to tell her issues to. I mean come on... Really?

I think they probably got tired of her badmouthing her ex. I know I got tired of her badmouthing him that it even made me never want to talk to her again.

Believe it or not, I have an ultra forgiving heart. I cant hold a grudge. I have a great relationshp with my ex-husband, and all of my ex boyfriends. I have met some of my dh's ex-girlfriends, and have had cocktails with them. No prob, liked them all. But she is just a drama queen who seems to cant get over the fact that he is happy.

I think it is that she knows that he wants nothing to do with her, and she cant get over it. When she found out I was pregnant, you could see the fury in her eyes. Like it had ANYTHING to do with her. She just need to move on with her pathetic life. She doesn't have any friends because she is a mean person on the inside!

BM has no close friends.

BM has no close friends. When she was with DH, she had no friends and latched onto his friends wives. They didnt do much anyway. But after DH left her, she attached herself to a group of women who were wives and some friends of DH. BM fed them crap and they bit. They all partied together and so on. She told the one girl who was her "bFF" that when she has a man, she drops everyone else and focus only on him, but not this time. But thats exactly what she did. She got involved with a real loser and dropped all her friends when they tried to warn her. They since made a mence with DH and I. We talk to them at the skids sport games and all but we arent "friends" and BM talks to no one anymore.

Crayon I completely agree

Crayon I completely agree with those indicators too. But it isn't about the quantity of friends, its the quality I think we need to look at as well as numerous other things.

I have many friends. Not

I have many friends. Not any very close anymore though. I stay so busy with my life, my husband, my job, my two kids, my step kids, etc. I just would rather spend all my time holding my 2 year old than anything else in the world!

I have a best friend, but she's as wrapped up in her family as I am mine! Every time we hang out we laugh because we live less than a mile away and make time for each other only a few times a year.

I guess I can be added to the crazy BM list.

Oh well, I'll take that title. If it means loving my family more than anything else in the world I'm all in.