No More.
So I came home the other night and the house smelled like sh!t. I walk into Atilla's bedroom and right in the middle of the floor is a pile of poo. DH gets home a few seconds later from taking her home and I ask him what the hell is going on. Apparently Atilla was upset because the last time she was over she refused to pick up her toys in the living room and I put them into a garbage bag and put them up. There was a toy in there she wanted and when DH told her that she couldn't have it until she picked up her room, she got pissed. She then told DH she would clean her room, and she started. DH went to the kitchen to check on dinner and said when he came back in she was squatting in the middle of the floor and had pooed already, so he took her home immediately. This is the last straw. I told DH Atilla is no longer welcome in our home until she can get her attitude and bowels in check. This is not the first time she has done this when she is mad at us. She is FIVE and knows better than to crap on the floor! After a while of talking, DH and I agreed that Atilla could still come over but will be supervised every second of her time there. She will have to be in the room with one of us at all times. If we have to leave the room, so will she. For now, she has lost every toy she had in her room. She has the bare essentials (bed, clothes, etc) There is to be NO television or movies. And she must help out with the small household chores to earn back anything. I have had it with this child. She is so damned defiant and intolerable it's getting really hard to even be within 5 miles of her. 
I love DH, but I can now say I think I hate his daughter... I know hate is a strong word, but its hard to even dislike her at this point.
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Did he not make her clean it
Did he not make her clean it up first????
seriously...i would have.
seriously...i would have.
But before she cleans it up,
But before she cleans it up, she should have had her little floor shitting ass spanked!
Honestly, taking her straight back home, is no kind of punishment. She should have stayed there and had some consequences.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!
I'm sorry... but there is something seriously wrong with that child.... I don't even know what to say.
DH Shoulda' made her clean
DH Shoulda' made her clean up the poo before taking her home! That's awful. I don't know how I would have responded.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Yeah, she should have
Yeah, she should have cleaned it up. Geez! WTF was he thinking??? And this is the child he bought diamonds for?
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
no shit... sorry, bad
no shit... sorry, bad pun
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Fading - is your SD in
Fading - is your SD in counseling? That's really not normal behavior... even for a defiant child.
I hope you guys can get that kid some help. And keeping her in the room with you at all times is a very good idea. She lost the privilege of privacy when she did something so obnoxious.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
She was in counseling up
She was in counseling up until a few weeks ago when BM moved to a new house. DH had spoken with the therapist a few times and she thinks Atilla just has a 'mild form of ADHD' (mild my ass). That's all he's really told me though.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
Yeah, right? Time for a new
Yeah, right? Time for a new therapist.
SD over here at 14 was suicidal. We took her to a therapist that only asked her about college and concentrated on how great her future would be, and disregarded everything that SD said about her present.
SD didn't like her, and at first, we thought she didn't like the therapist because the therapist had "insulted" a boy that SD liked. So we made her stick with her a few more times.
Once SD came home and said that all the counselor wanted to talk about was her future, and was sort of dismissing her and her feelings and her past, we switched.
We got someone younger and nicer, and that SD relates to a lot better. It has made a huge difference.
We had to call around to find someone that was young and dealt more with teens. I wonder if you and DH may need to make a few calls and get recommendations on therapists that deal with smaller children.
(Hugs) girl. That is scary to me.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I agree, it's important to
I agree, it's important to find the right therapist. No counselor in their right mind would ignore the seriousness of such defiant and inappropriate behavior. This little girl has a serious psychiatric disorder and she needs to be in counseling with someone who actually acknowledges and diagnoses her problems accurately. Without the right therapist, therapy is like giving Prozac to someone for a bladder infection. You have to have the right diagnosis to even begin to figure out how to treat something. It's like picking a doctor. You have to find one that you are comfortable with and that you trust. And keep in mind that when you are paying for therapy, the counselor is your employee in a way. Make sure you hire a good one that will actually help this child. It may take some shopping around, but I think she needs to see someone who specializes in working with disturbed children.
It really sucks that you are stuck with this situation. I can't even begin to imagine what having a skid like this would be like. And I thought my skids were bad!
I would guess that the BM is going to be no help, or detrimental so it will be up to you and your DH to get this kid in therapy immediately with a good therapist. It's not your responsibility to fix this skids behavioral problems as you aren't a bio-parent, but since you have to live with her in your life and home and dealing with her disgusting and horrible behavior, you have every right to be involved in getting her help and being proactive about it. Her bio-parents should really be taking care of this and not avoiding it by sending her back to the other parent when she acts out. She'll figure out (if she hasn't already) that if she does defiant and disgusting behavior she can send herself to her mom's. She may act out the same way with her BM, but she is controlling the adults and that's the issue, in my opinion. Don't let her have the control. When she acts out at your house, deal with it at your house. Don't avoid it or use BMs house as a consequence. Sending her to her mom's is avoiding dealing with her and will only make things much worse in the future. She needs to know that if she does an unacceptable action, she will have to deal with the consequences, not be shipped off to the other parent.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
No he didn't make her clean
No he didn't make her clean it up he just whisked her home. I made him clean it up though. But the house still smells disgusting. I'm borrowing my aunt's carpet shampooer this weekend. I kept my cool (probably because I was so stressed out from work this is the last thing I needed) but I was feeling like the Hulk inside.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
My mouth is hanging open. I
My mouth is hanging open. I agree with Stick that is highly unusual behavior. I would want to know where her model is for that behavior. Why does she think that is a way to express anger?
Agreed! There is no way in
Agreed!
There is no way in hell my family would have taken or put up with that shit!
Much less them clean it up? Oh geez, the thought of me doing that to my family at that age makes me want to shit myself in fear!
did you tell her mother?
did you tell her mother? cause seriously....i would love to hear the excuse for the behavior.
I think this is just
I think this is just something she's knows is horribly disgusting and probably assumed that YOU would have to clean it. She's o so wrong. But he shoulda made her clean it though. Then she would never do it again.
Life is what you make it.
Oh my God. That's all I can
Oh my God. That's all I can say.
Good for you, I don't let the dog poo in the house much less A CHILD.
LOL! Rub her nose in it
LOL! Rub her nose in it next time and smack her with a newspaper.
______________________________________
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Oh that's bad lol. We got a
Oh that's bad lol. We got a new puppy that's housebroken, she's amazing and the best dog EVER!
Once my skids were throwing one of their GD pullups at each other and it burst and went everywhere. I was soooo mad. They got an earful from me and I made them scrub their entire room, including the furniture and walls, then I made them get all of their toys that were on the floor and put them in a bucket of bleach water. Then they had to play outside all day with no toys and were banned from the trampoline. It hasn't happened since.
*disclaimer* They didn't touch the bleach, I filled up a rubbermaid tub that I had and all of the legos etc. went in that.
lol
lol
OHG, I was thinking the same
OHG, I was thinking the same thing actually-lol. Wow, I knew twins who did that to their room but their mom left them locked in there with icky diapers until she felt like getting up so what else were they to do? They were like 2 1/2 at the time.
**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **
Fading, can I ask a
Fading, can I ask a question?
Is it Attila you hate, or is it the way she is being brought up?
Children are a product of their environments and the people who raise them. If they're not being raised properly, they won't act properly, especially when they're 5.
Are there things going on in her life that stress her out? I agree with Stick, perhaps it's time to find a new therapist who can relate to her better. Usually, when kids act like that, there is some underlying cause of stress.
Perhaps she can sense how you feel about her? I'm not saying this to bash you in any way, shape or form. However, a lot of kids, especially little ones, act out when they can sense they're hated.
DH should call Attila's pediatrician to see if they can recommend a really good therapist for little kids and get it put in the court order that Attila has to attend counseling. The bowel movements seem like something she needs help getting under control, and hopefully, her Dad, BM, doctor and therapist can help her do that.
Get her in therapy ASAP. My
Get her in therapy ASAP. My SS did this when he was 7. Its not normal behavior. There is an anger issue for sure. If you let it go, it WILL get worse.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Unless there is some deep
Unless there is some deep seeded form of an extreme mental disability forming here...Therapy will do zero good because this is just an act of plain defiance.
No, it is not plain
No, it is not plain defiance. And you can't just put a "extremely mentally disabled" label on her either. You're not a doctor. How can you just generalize a five year old like that?
A child defecating in their room is a sign of a child dealing with emotions they can't express. Have you had any therapists mention encopresis? It's a medical inability to restrict defecation to the appropriate places, and it can be psychologically-rooted. It usually happens with kids around the ages of four or five.
The causes can be: lack of/regression in toilet training (willful or unintentional), psychological or behavioral issues and/or an inability to control or feel the urge to defecate.
Toilet training regression mainly happens with young children, who in some cases, will do it to lash out or gain attention. But if you think it's willful encopresis, you can't rely on regular disciplinary action in response because this sort of behavior indicative of greater emotional/behavioral trauma than everyday misbehavior, especially if it keeps happening.
"you can't rely on regular
"you can't rely on regular disciplinary action"
ya sure, but it sounds like regular disciplinary action hasn't been thoroughly attempted with this child. She craps on the floor and gets whisked away back to mommy's where she's probably rewarded for making daddy's life hell.
This child is SCREAMING
This child is SCREAMING therapy. Find a new one if the first one wasn't working. Get it started young, and stick with it! This is NOT normal... this is NOT ok. And I am super happy you and DH didn't give up on her completely and stop visitations. She obviously needs some REAL parenting that you and DH will have to provide. So sad. I am sorry.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Unfortunately I feel it
Unfortunately I feel it maybe a genetic behavioral disorder (BM's brother and grandmother had SEVERE behavioral problems that were deemed genetic). So I have been trying to get BM to take her to the doctor but to no avail, I think BM is just in denial because she saw the things her brother pulled and now is fearing what Atilla is going to become. Anon, I fake it til I make it with this child just so she doesn't FEEL any hatred or animosity coming from me and at other times I am just not around because I am either working or looking for a 2nd job. But she has done things I have never seen or heard of another child doing. Whether it is psychological or plain behavioral, I don't know, but unfortunately DH and I can't do much about it since BM has primary and she seems to get the final say in doctor's appts.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
what DID the mom say about
what DID the mom say about this incident?
I'm curious as well! How
I'm curious as well! How did the BM respond? Does this ever happen at her house?
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Ahhh BM...The woman didn't
Ahhh BM...The woman didn't laugh...But...She said "Well did you ASK her if she had to go to the bathroom?" :jawdrop: She's five, she knows when she has to sh!t by now...Or at least I'd hope so. But it HAS happened at BM's 3 times before.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
Uhhg...BM's with all their
Uhhg...BM's with all their 'helpful' suggestions.
Do you know what circumstances SD did it at BM's? Was it because she was disciplined? That could show a pattern of defiance or just out-of-control bowels. Or whatever lifeisshort said in her previous post (which I found interesting...)
It would be helpful to know what the pattern is.
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Ok - here's the compromise
Ok - here's the compromise for this one! How's this ladies?
Spank the kid (with a swat on the bottom, although it is too late for that now)...., punish her by making her stay in the room with DH and Fading, take away her privileges...
AND
Get her with a new therapist.
It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can discipline a child, and still take them to therapy.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Thats the same thing
Thats the same thing Atilla's mum would do. Hurry her fat arse down to CPS, but it seems ok for her H to spank Atilla.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
And she should have been
And she should have been made to clean up her own poop!
***Life - It's not a rehearsal***
Fading I'm willing to bet
Fading I'm willing to bet you money that SD knows exactly what she's doing. There's no fun (and rightly so) at your house therefore she shits on the floor and gets sent to mommy's fun place instead. She doesn't even need to clean it up. It's her way of saying take me back to my mom's where I'm not being punished without saying a thing.
Discipline and therapy....but more so discipline. She's sounds like a very spoiled little girl.
What does your DH say in all of this? Is he going to handle things differently if God-forbid it happens again?
That is disgusting! I think
That is disgusting! I think she should at least be made to clean it up, and that should lessen her 'regression'.
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham