That is between the father and mother.

If it bothers your fiance then he can talk to the BM about it. But, BM can tell him to F himself because he has little control on what goes on in her household unless there's violence and/or neglect.

Is it possible the kids don't really have anybody at the house and are covering up for mom? They really don't need to because they're way old enough to be left by themselves. But, it might be worth fiance to look into. The kids might be scared you guys will take time away from their mom or have a lower opinion of her.

Gana, if what your skids are saying is true, I am so sorry that they are having to deal with what BM is doing - basically just leaving them with "strangers" or new boyfriends/girlfriend whatever when she is unable to care for them. That's just pathetic & inexcusable. However, with that said, it is your FIANCEE'S place to fix this, not yours - if he's the one that is truly bothered by this, he has every right to discuss it with BM & find a resolution. He's their FATHER, for heaven's sake!!! I have a few questions & I hope my advice is helpful...

1. Do your fiancee & BM have a custody order in place that deals with this exact issue? My BF has a "right of first refusal" type of clause/language in his - it basically states that if EITHER parent is unable to have the kids on their set days (i.e. work or any other normal reason), that they MUST let the OTHER parent have the option to have the kids that day - BEFORE that parent leaves the kids with another person. If the other parent cannot help out, or doesn't want to watch the kids (and what kind of parent WOULDN'T want to take care of their OWN kids so long as there's reasonable notice & they don't have any other MAJOR plans already in place??), they are under absolutely NO obligation to do so.

In other words, my BF will send BM an email letting her know which days he is unable to have the kids (i.e. he has to work). He tries to do this with as much advance notice as possible - this gives HER the opportunity to take care of the kids on those dates, if she wants to. She isn't obligated to do so, it's just a common courtesy type of thing - and she does it vice versa with BF, so we take the kids from her on her set days when she has to work. Not only does this completely eliminate the "fear" of the kids being left with strangers (or incompetent idiots), but it eliminates unnecessary costs for child care/babysitters, etc... As a matter of fact, even if this language ISN'T in your fiancee's custody order, they can still do this - if both parents are reasonable & rational & have their kids' best interests at heart. This also assumes that you live in fairly close proximity to BM (so if you live in different states or something, then this obviously may not be practical).

2. What does your fiancee do about this? Does he tell BM that he wants to take the kids on the days that she has to work? He's their father!! There is absolutely NO rational reason why a BM would have a problem with that.

If your fiancee doesn't do anything about it, then you have nothing to say about it (of course, you are always welcome to vent about it with us here on ST - lol because we certainly understand everyone else's frustration). The kids are HIS and if he feels comfortable with them being left with "strangers", "new lesbian girlfriends", etc... or if he ISN'T comfortable with it, but DOES NOTHING TO CHANGE IT, well, then that's his loss... Also, this assumes that the skids aren't in any physical or emotional danger or anything by being in the care of these other people, of course...

Sorry this is so long. I hope it helps, though. The "right of first refusal" thing works for us...we've been together for 6 years and it's been wonderful for everyone involved - us, skids and even BM!!