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You're right, and I was also raised like this. It's called good parenting. I know your husband thinks he is doing the best thing for her, but you're right that he needs to be consistent. Even giving in once will set you guys back a lot. I completely agree with you. I think she should be given an appropriate portion of healthy food and if she doesn't want to eat it that is her choice, but NO dessert or treats of any kind, including junk food or snack food. We have that rule at our house and if they don't eat what is set in front of them for dinner, they are not allowed to eat anything else, even regular snack food because if they are hungry they need to eat their healthy dinner that we lovingly cooked for them. When you give in on this, you are handing the power to the kids and they know it. You might as well hand them the keys to the car as well. It's all about who is in control. Kids want YOU to be in control and so they test you to see if you are. They may act like little brats when they don't get their way (especially at first) but they will actually be more secure, knowing that a parent is in control and taking care of them. They will look back and see the love, just as I do looking back on my mom making me eat all my pea soup if I wanted a popsicle. This little girl has him wrapped around her finger and is testing limits because that's what kids do. She's getting away with it, so of course she's going to keep it going as long as she's getting her way at least some of the time.

You know the right way to do this, the trouble will be getting him to understand that this is the best thing for his daughter. The rule should be eat the dinner you are served, as in all of it, if you want dessert. Plate not cleaned? No dessert. Easy peasy. If she refuses to eat that's her choice and she can go to bed hungry. She will eventually give in and eat and the power struggle will be over and she won't have the upper hand anymore. She won't starve and she will have the option to eat healthy food any time she needs it. Just stay firm and consistent and never, ever give in. No yelling has to happen. Just sit her down, explain the rules and enforce them. It's actually really easy, but your guy will have to follow through or it won't work. Good luck! Picky eaters and spoiled kids irritate me so much! Mine started out that way and they are improving by leaps and bounds. They can get better!

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

I make my kids eat whatever I put in front of them, BF likes to ask his kids what they want for dinner (SD has become VERY picky)....so we're a little bit different there. Anyhow, whatever we put on their plate, they eat...if they don't finish dinner they don't get anything else afterwards, which works pretty good because there are a few days during the week where we have to eat dinner pretty early due to sporting activities for the kids afterwards. So the kids are always wanting a snack later on.

It always starts out small like this, you give a child authority over a parent and they take more and more of it the older they get. Once they hit the teenage years, they don't listen and tell YOU how it's going to be, and into adulthood they become "entitled" to every.thing.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

My pediatrician gives this advice for finicky eaters: Children will not starve themselves to death and they also need very little food in their bodies to be full. So relax.

Tell your DH that he needs to put the same food in front of her that is given to the rest of your family. She doesn't get snacks or dessert unless she eats a reasonable amount of the food on her plate (I don't necessarily prescribe to the clean plate school of thought). When my kids start whining about eating or being finicky, I tell them they can be done but there is no dessert or treats in between meals. If it is breakfast or lunch and they have walked away without eating enough of their meal, I leave it at the table. When they come back in an hour or two asking for something else to eat, I point them to their cold plate of food.

Creature eats what is on her plate or no dessert. We don't beg her to eat. We put it on her plate. We remind her once that she doesn't have all night to do it (she tends to fool around at the table) and then she is on her own. She either eats it in a reasonable time frame and gets dessert or she doesn't and no dessert. If she doesn't, nothing until the next meal.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

We also have a finicky SD8. the dancing bear routine has got to go. She probably enjoys it! I agree with you though, just put it out there, encourage a little and if she doesn't want it, no desert. She WILL eat when she gets hungry. It's written in the stars for us humans. Dancing bears aside, he needs to put his worry in the right place. I get very frustrated with SD8 she is a lovely child and we get along wonderfully, but I get fed up with her sometimes. Her tastes are changing but for the first 4 years hot dogs and that's it...ahhhh
Part of what Dancing Bear may be feeling is rejection about his food, I'm an avid cook as well and feel I do a great job with my "gourmet" meals (lol). My sone wouldn't eat them for a long time and it hurt my feelings. Mainly because I put so much thought and time into it - it's my way of loving, you might want to tell SD that she is being loved - so much!!! Tell Dancing Bear I asked "when's dinner!!!"
P.S. If I were you I'd call him that when he starts his stuff!

I have a very finicky eater, and we DO take into account what she will eat and what she won't. But when I put a plate in front of her, and I KNOW it's something that she will eat (as it always is, I am nice enough to make sure of that) she HAS to eat it, and DH doesn't resort to any sort of "trickery." Eat it or starve.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Ah yes, the dreaded dinnertime routine. When DD11 and I first moved in with FH and SS10 (2 years ago), dinnertime was a cause of much stress for me because of SS being picky about his dinner, trying to negotiate how much he would eat when FH barely gave him anything to begin with. I agree with the other posters who said that the child eats what is given and in a reasonable timeframe. That's how I was raised and there wasn't dessert unless it was a VERY special occasion. My SS10 is always asking what's for dessert. I told him that dessert is not to be expected, it's a treat, and you won't always get it. Your DH needs to, at the very least, be consistent about his expectations i.e. eat all of your food or suffer the consequences or whatever the rule is. The inconsistency isn't helping the situation. As for entertaining her to get her to eat? How old is she? If she were a baby/toddler in a high chair, maybe, but anything older than that, nope. Either she eats or she doesn't but I wouldn't go through all the shenanigans of dancing and begging for her to eat. This reminds me of Old King Cole...You know, "Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he. He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl and he called for his fiddlers three!"

I used to say the same thing. I could put dinner in front of my son and within ten minutes of staring at it he would end up eating it! LOL.

Now with my daughter it's different. Since she could eat she's been VERY picky of what she'll eat. She'll eat a tomatoe at any time, fruit, salad, and chicken. That's about it. Other than ramen noodles, she loves those damn thing. I guess I do the dancing thing to because at dinner I always make hers, then ours. I try to be paticular with what I put on her plate, then I let her point at which item she wants to eat. That's what I give her.

If I don't do this dance with her she truley won't eat anything. She would rather not as it is..........I want her to eat. So I do what I can to get her to.

Then again...........she's our baby. He's 48 and I'm 28 as of today (not really, but that's my claim! LOL) and she'll be the last baby brought into this world by us. I know when she is a teenager and she doesn't like what we've cooked I'll make her something else. Disney of me, yeah probably.

But I want my child to eat, and to enjoy eating it. Maybe that is how your DH feels?

I was also brought up the same way. Something's I was forced to eat I still "HATE" to this day. As a rule. When I had my children, I allowed them each to PICK a Dinner meal once a week. Each child loved it. That way everyone had something they loved.
When I made my shopping list, each child let me know what they wanted. It worked out well. We did this from the time they could talk. It was "NOT" Take out either, It was something I prepared and when they were old enough, they actually helped plan and make the dinner.
It also teaches kids how to prepare food. I always made them at least TRY a new food. My kids Loved Veggies & fruits. Dinner always consisted of Meat, a Starch ( potatoe's , rice, noodles,) and Two veggies and A fruit.
I had three daughters,( I did the same with grand children) They each had their menu & hubby had his (once a week) and the rest I decided on. Try it. I don't recall much fighting. But IF they don't like what you prepare, offer them a sandwich (like tuna, P& J or something simple) Just encase they hate what another has chosen. I don't THINK kids should be forced to eat something they dislike. My parents would make us sit until bedtime, if we didn't eat it, then we got it for breakfast, we didn't get anything else until that Meal was eaten,whether it was 1 day or 3.
Imagine yourself as an adult being forced to eat something you hate.
To this day I HATE PEAS AND LIMA BEANS, and a few other things.
And yes ,NO dessert if you didn't eat. WE didn't care. We hated the food. That was one reason I changed meal planning, when I had my children.

We also have a picky eater, SS12, and we truly do try to make things that he likes when he's over. But it's always an argument over how much he HAS to eat or We're having that? We have tried to take the kids to a place where you make your meals and then heat them later and that really hasn't helped. I have tried to do an awards thing like for every five new foods he tries he gets to go to a movie or pick where he wants to eat for dinner. Still didn't work. I really think he may have a fear of trying new foods.

I too was raised with "this is what was made for dinner you either eat it or go hungry" of course there was no treat after dinner is we didnt eat it. Tell him she wont starve to death she will eat when she gets hungry enough. I think your answer is the right answer.