Do You Switch Weekends?
About a month ago BM asked FH to switch weekends because she wanted to take the skids with her to drop off her older daughter at college. She told FH, I will take them for two weekends in a row and then you take them the following two weekends. After discussing it, he said okay. I felt weird about it, because I know there is always an ulterior motive, but anyway.
So it went like this:
BM, Jan16-17
BM, Jan23-24
FH, Jan30-31
FH, Feb6-7
Which leaves us with a kid free weekend this VDay. So I worked things out with BS' Dad to take him this upcoming weekend and week because there is no school.
Soooooo last Friday FH calls and says he just got a call from BM telling him that she will stay with the kids this weekend and he take them next weekend. It turned into war. They argued. SD9 cried. He stormed off, pissed.
He has been conned, big time. And all because she wants to go out with her BF. Whatever. I'm upset because had we known about this sooner, we would've made plans for this weekend that passed.
Do you ever switch weekends?
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Yeah, sometimes. I think it
Yeah, sometimes. I think it is okay to bend a little for the other parent if the other parent is willing to bend a little for you. For the past year or so, BM has been coming to her senses about being more flexible with DH because he always accommodates her. When he started to show signs of putting his foot down, she was more flexible with him as well and now it is much better.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I just re-read your post,
I just re-read your post, and yeah, you were conned. DH wouldn't have stood for this in my case, either. This is unacceptable.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
THANK YOU! I thought I was
THANK YOU! I thought I was going nuts because I felt that way from the beginning, when she first talked about the switch. I'm glad he realized it too. I'm proud of him for actually saying something instead of just letting her dictate.
The sucky part is that the end result is still us babysitting. UGH
DH used to swich weekends
DH used to swich weekends all of the time and BM took major advantage of it. Once DH realized this and stopped switching, BM stopped asking and actually stuck to the visitation schedule. I wouldn't switch anymore.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
We try really hard not to
We try really hard not to switch weekends with Frizz unless it absolutely cannot be avoided. She always screws us in the long run by holding it over our heads if she switches to accomodate us and then she ends up booking sd in about 10 activities for the weekend if we switch to accomodate her so DH is stuck being taxi all weekend.
Plus, if we switch with Frizz for SD then our weekends with ChooChoo get jacked up as well. So I hate switching and will pitch a huge bitch if I'm asked to switch.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
See, this is what I mean.
See, this is what I mean. The other parent has to be flexible as well. BM learned that when she is more flexible with DH, he will be more flexible with her. So they don't have too many schedule issues. There are still some minor ones occasionally, but not too many.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
Yeah Frizz has no
Yeah Frizz has no flexibility. She'd expect us to switch to accomodate her but then if we needed to switch she'd say, "well it's not in the agreement so I can't switch with you." :jawdrop: Then we still were willing to take sd if Frizz needed us to take her but then she'd start booking those weekends with tons of stuff and finally we were just like "f**k this!" no more switching.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
d
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What I am trying to get him
What I am trying to get him to understand is that this seems to have been all planned.
I usually don't say anything about switching, schedules, whatever, especially considering I have BS7 all the time. But I knew something was up.
For the most part the
For the most part the weekends stay the same because it is based on BM's work schedule which never changes. If she's going on vacation or a trip, BM and BF will usually swap which leaves them both having two weekends in a row.
It's never caused a problem because it doesn't happen often. I'd try not to worry about her motives G, you really never know what one can conjur up in their heads, the best thing to do is try not to let it affect you and FH.
If it messes up your Vday plans for this weekend, see if you guys can make other arrangements. Or put SD to bed early and have a romantic candlelight dinner
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
My DH and BM are constantly
My DH and BM are constantly changing the schedule. As of late, it is normally because she has something going on. My DH never wants to tell her no because he doesn't want her to get mad at him but he usually will ask me first.
Tell her to get a baby
Tell her to get a baby sitter.. you HAVE plans.. TO BAD FOR HER.
When she has requested, we
When she has requested, we switch, regardless of her reasoning. I want to know she'll switch for us if we ever need it.
HOWEVER, put your foot down. You already have plans. Can't the skids visit a grandparent this weekend? You know she's just trying to mess up YOUR Valentine's plans. And if your BM is anything like the one I deal with, it truly is more about messing up my day than making sure she gets time with her man...
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."
We switch sometimes but
We switch sometimes but rarely. And it's only if someone's sick or going out of town. Much like BBB's Frizz, Wilda always expects us to accommodate her but if we have to change plans, BF's selfish and everything's always about him. I like frustrated's idea - tell her to get a sitter. Plans were made and she can't change them whenever she feels like it.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
If there is anything I
If there is anything I learned is to NEVER SWITCH WEEKENDS. My DH has been conned out of time with sd(4) more times than I can count. Thankfully this last time, she just switched them without our consent written or otherwise - which means violation of parenting plan = contempt charge. Just one more thing to add to the bucket of sh!t that the BM has made for herself.
Yes, we switch, but very
Yes, we switch, but very rarely.
Like the last time was when BM's dad came to town and it was on DH's weekend. Since the skids only see their granddad once or twice a year we said sure.
Also, every summer DH's niece comes and stays with MIL for a week or two. Well this year she came during BM's visitation, but BM switched weeks so MIL could keep them for a week with their cousin.
So far, no one's taken advantage and every one has plenty of notice before anything like that occurs.
I would definitely advocate for putting a stop to it if we started getting conned.
How dumb can these BM's be? Or how dumb do they think these DH's are that they aren't going to know their conned and put a stop to switching? It boogles the mind!
Oh and btw, BM has 1st, 3rd and 5th visitation weekends, so I'm starting to resign myself to never getting a Valentine's day weekend without the skids.
We also will never get a memorial day weekend, 4th of July, Labor day or Halloween weekend WITH them. I guess that's just the breaks of being CP and BM being NCP with standard visitation.
We do switch weekends but
We do switch weekends but not without me looking through the calendar to see what BMs motive is. There is always a motive....I don't care what she does but I don't want any of my holidays or kids b-days screwed up.