How is your will structured?

DH and I have a running disagreement on this, and I'm trying to bring him over to my way of thinking. Here it goes:

DH has SD16 and he and I have BDs 6 and 3. I propose that any joint marital assets (home, savings, retirement, insurance) go to the surviving spouse ONLY. This is what happens in "normal" families, and it makes total sense to me. Any assets owned by ONE partner before the marriage will be divided equally between that partner's children, unless there is a specific name on the account (like SD16's college fund). So DH's money will be split three ways, mine will be split two ways.

Now here's where I think DH is going to object: I think that any money left AFTER both spouses die should be split this way: 1/5 to SD16, 2/5 to BD6 and 2/5 to BD3. This is because BDs ONLY have DH and I to potentially inherit from but SD16 also has BM. So giving her 1/5 of the money LEFT (if any) seems fair.

What do you think?

Elizabeth's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I agree with you but I have

I agree with you but I have not broached this subject with dh yet as we have no children of our own. Personally, even IF we don't have children, I don't want my stuff going to sd. I just don't think it is fair to expect me to leave my life's work to a child that isn't mine.

Honestly, I feel this way about lots of things (Christmas, bdays, vacations). I think if bkids (of both parents in the home) get a few more gifts on these occasions or if a vacation is taken without a skid, that should be acceptable. Skids get those things from another house and benefit from that. Biokids get ripped off.

Let me know how it works out.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I completely agree with you.

I completely agree with you. We have not done wills yet.

OK, here's my only issue

OK, here's my only issue with the life insurance policy: There is no guarantee my children WILL inherit when I die. Suppose I had to go into a nursing home for 10 years and that ate up all my assets? That would mean my BDs would get nothing while SD got the total proceeds of that life insurance policy. So, to me, the way I am suggesting is more "fair" to all. Plus, I would hate to see that money going out every month only to provide SD16 with a "safety net" from daddy. We already pay CS every month, isn't that enough?

I get it all if he dies

I get it all if he dies according to the will and vice versa. He has already put money aside for SD in case he dies while she's still a minor so she gets nothing additional. I get our investments,houses,cars,savings,life insurance,the whole shebang.

If we both die at the same time...our estate gets divided right down the middle. Half goes to choochoo and half goes to SD. Both via trust accounts that will be there to see to their care if we die while they're underage but their parents have to go through the person we've named as responsible for trust accounts to get their money each month. Then they get the bulk of the estate when they're 21.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

I agree this makes sense as

I agree this makes sense as you both each have one kid and none together. Having SD and adding BDs 6 and 3 just makes things more complicated than they need to be, you know what I mean?

definitely. Adds a whole

definitely. Adds a whole different degree of difficulty. Times like that call for meetings with estate planners to determine what will be the most fair for all children.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

Actually, funny enough,

Actually, funny enough, after this last visit DH threatened to cut SD16 out of his will. I wish, but I know he doesn't really mean it. Ninety percent of the marital assets came about because of me. When we married, DH was deeply in debt and I was debt-free. I dragged his butt out of the hole and set us on level footing (no debt except our mortgage). I make 57 percent more than him, and when you take out his CS obligation I actually make 80 percent of what he does. So I'm not sure ANYTHING I do is going to be "fair" to my two BDs.

Good grief girl! You need a

Good grief girl! You need a post marital agreement to protect your babies...big time.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

I get it all if he dies

I get it all if he dies first, and vice versa (except he has a $100k life insurance policy that according to the divorce decree has to be in BM's name until the kids are adults). I have no kids, he has two.

DH and I both feel that since I am his wife, I should have the same deal in his will that his first wife would have had. Anything else would be treating me as a second-class wife. He trusts me to do what is right by his children if he should die. As I said, there's an insurance policy that would help BM raise the kids (and then some) if he dies before the kids are adults. Once they become adults, we will change the beneficiary on that policy to me. And if he were to die, I would certainly divide that policy up between the two kids, and eventually set MY will up so that my estate would go mostly to them, and partly to a charity I feel strongly about.

I'm sure that if BM knew I get everything if DH dies, she would freak out and rant at him for being a terrible father: "How could you not leave your estate to your OWN CHILDREN!!!!" But you know what?

1) I am his wife. If he were still married to BM and he died, she would get everything. How could she just take all that money and not give it to her OWN CHILDREN??!?!?!!" }:)

2) Plus, I do not feel guilty at all. I have no kids, and therefore if I die after DH, I am leaving the bulk of my estate to HIS children. BM can suck it, because those kids will get far, far more out of MY estate than they ever will out of HERS.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Soverysad, I completely

Soverysad, I completely agree with you about the biokids getting ripped off. I dont expect my ex to take them on every vacation he goes on it doesnt bother me in the least when he takes his new wifes daughter with them and not our boys.. They go on vacations with us, they dont need to travel year round. Yet DH thinks if we even get tickets to a baseball game he should get SD one so she doesnt feel left out, she doesnt even like baseball, yet we drag her ass with us.

In regards to the wills, ours is designed so that my bio kids (2 boys from previous marriage) get 25% each of anything that is left after any debts, then my son with DH gets 50% of anything I have left. That way 100% of my assets goes to my children. DH has it set that SD gets 50% and Bioson gets 50%. So his is split evenly. My boys will get inheritance from their dad as well so 25% seemed like the reasonable thing to do since the baby only has me and DH and no other potential for gain. I should add this is if one of us is not alive already. If i die and he is still living he gets it all, and vice versa.

I pray my kids never fight over stuff or money once I am gone, I plan to spend every penny so they have nothing to fight over!! LOL

If the Broom Fits, Ride It!!!!!

Your will sounds like

Your will sounds like exactly what I envision.

And I've all ready discussed with dh (when we thought we were going to be parents ) that I do not expect to sit at home on the days sd isn't with us so she won't "miss" out on any fun. She has a mother. She has a whole separate family and I am SURE she will rub it in any other kids' faces that she has this or that or went here or there with her MOMMY.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I basically agree with you

I basically agree with you Elizabeth. I was actually just thinking about this today. Here is my dilemma. DH has SD15 & SD12 & I have BS11 (who is DHs SS)...how would we go about splitting things. B/C I feel BS11 will get less b/c of being DHs SS and me being a SAHM. Plus the SDs have their BM and BS11 doesn't have BD in his life. I feel that everything should come to me if he goes first and then when I go, everything being split equal between the 3. But if I go first, I don't want BS11 cheated (so to speak). Not sure how to handle this. I know DH & I need a will, but not sure how to handle this.

Why would your son get less

Why would your son get less because you're a sahm? Didn't your dh agree that you can stay at home? If so, then marital assets are still "both" of yours to split as you both see fit. If you're worried about what might happen if you go first then I would recommend a life insurance policy for your son. This is my worry too. If I go first, will dh leave everything to his daughter? I don't want her to get my 1/2. I'd rather give it to charity than leave it to her.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Yes my DH agreed to me being

Yes my DH agreed to me being a SAHM, but I still feel that for some reason DHs daughters would get more than my son if I go first. And SD15 has been claiming different things of DHs as hers even though DH is still alive. And she has done so for several years now. I would like for all of our things to be sold and the money divided equally after burial costs. That is of course if we both go at the same time. If one of us goes before the other, I feel that everything should go to the other SO and then when the SO goes, everything be sold and split equally.

First - it is disturbing

First - it is disturbing that you sd is choosing things all ready. That smells trouble. I am sensitive to this stuff because my dad's siblings drew up a will and had my grandfather sign it while he was dying giving themselves EVERYTHING and leaving my father an done brother out. It went to court and was a big debacle. I swore I'd never do that with my brothers. Sadly, my older brother passed away and I know that his stuff went to his wife who will someday split it between my niece and her son. I think my niece should get more. The good thing is that he left his insurance policy to ME so I have an account with that money in it for SD's education.

Honestly, if something happens to my parents, my younger brother and I will not have a single argument about it. Neither of us wants / expects anything. We tell my parents to spend it while they're here. We big kids we can support ourselves. But I really have an issue with my hard earned stuff going to SD and if you truly feel like your son will get gypped than you should get an insurance policy naming him as sole beneficiary.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Yeah I don't like the fact

Yeah I don't like the fact of SD15 claiming DHs things as hers. B/C they infact are not hers. And b/c we can't afford an insurance policy for me or DH, more than likely our things will be sold to cover burial costs and any debts we may have. So there is a good chance that these things that she is claiming as hers, will probably be sold.

As far as my parents, I am an only child. And if I did have siblings, I wouldn't be worried about or fight over what my parents left me....that's not what it is about. That is more of society telling people that they are entitled to those things.

I guess DH & I need to discuss this issue again.

We've had this debate many a

We've had this debate many a time, now that we have a son together.

I feel if anything happens to either one of us, the other gets it. When both are gone, it should not be divided in 1/2 between our son and my SS16.

The house, cars, money - all of that are combined assets that we both work to pay for. Take everything and divide it in 1/2 - our son gets my half and the boys divide their dad's 1/2. Yes, our son gets 3/4 of everything, but everything we have is stuff that has been purchased since we've been married. If something happens to me 1st - I think my DH will leave everything at 1/2 and I don't agree. That's why I want it in writing.

The other issue we have is our life insurance. We have life insurance on both of us through our employer. When it came to designating beneficiaries - he wanted to leave both of ours to both boys in 1/2s again.

1. It is through my employer and comes out of my paycheck. My life insurance will go to my son if DH is not around - 100% - no negotiating.
2. If something happens to just my DH - I get his, which is only $50,000 and I will have to take care of house, bills, etc - he wants me to give $20,000 to my SS when he dies. Again - it comes out of my paycheck - SS not my son. If something happens to both of us - he wants his divided between the boys in 1/2 - again, I pay for it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one having these debates. He, once again, made me feel selfish about this.

I agree with you. BS should

I agree with you. BS should get 100% of your 1/2 and 50% of dh's half. That is how I plan to structure it. Haven't run this past dh yet, but I am sure with some explanation he will understand it. He knows I am fair and wouldn't exclude his daughter if God forbid he went first, but I want it in writing that he won't give her my 1/2.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I'm confused. SD is 16. DH

I'm confused. SD is 16. DH is obligated to pay CS until she is 18 and college until she is 21. This is a given. We already have money set aside for her college, and we pay CS every month and will continue to do that.

What I am proposing is a will for MANY years down the road. I understand DH's estate will continue to be "on the hook" for the obligations arrived at in the custody agreement. No question there.

Are you saying you believe the split I am proposing is "unfair" to SD16? I know some parents don't leave ANYTHING to their kids. When my grandmother died, my mom got about $10,000. It's all that was left.

Ok, so if my DH passes away

Ok, so if my DH passes away before CS is done when SS16 turns 18 - the amount of CS that's left can be collected from his estate, even if we own the house together, his life insurance is through my employer/paycheck (there really are no assets - because we owe on the house, cars, etc right now).

Can BM sue for this?

Nope she can't. She can't

Nope she can't. She can't get CS from you either unless you agree (hahahaha). She'll be intitled to collect social security. If his children are in the will as beneficeraries then the executer of the will can set up those funds as they see fit unless otherwise stated. Now..BM might challenge this.

"CS . . . .unless you agree"

"CS . . . .unless you agree" - why wouldn't I agree. BM is just such a wonderful person - she is everybody's everything. She is all knowing and all mighty - just ask the Wildebeast! And my junkie SS16 deserves a little extra cash - he hates me, but that's ok - my world revolves around them. Maybe I can give them more than they get now and they can buy some more pot!(Detect the sarcasm? HAHAHAHAHA)

BM challenge me? Again, this is the oddest thing I've ever heard. Why would she challenge me, we are the best of friends? Last time we were in court of SS's drug issues, I think she even secretly wanted to sit by me - BFF!(HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

...and with the CS you'll

...and with the CS you'll give her she can buy you a her matching charm bracelets inscribed "BFFs 1Life and BM." How girlmantic!....lol

lol. I want one!! "God is

lol. I want one!!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

This is so awesome!!!!!!! I

This is so awesome!!!!!!! I think we should all get them because the bond between a BM and a SM is such a beautiful thing. OMG, I'm tearing up as we speak.

Maybe if I pay her extra, she'll by my SS one too - because I know he loves me so much. This is just too emotional for me - I can almost feel their love (Or is it the knives they stick in our backs that I feel?)

This is so awesome!!!!!!! I

This is so awesome!!!!!!! I think we should all get them because the bond between a BM and a SM is such a beautiful thing. OMG, I'm tearing up as we speak.

YES! Get SS one too! Knives

YES! Get SS one too!

Knives in the back you say. Love hurts sometimes...lol

Maybe BM could move right in

Maybe BM could move right in with you and you can share all of the assets that dh left behind. That would truly be the best way to show your appreciation for having her in your life.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

LOL...and a unity candle to

LOL...and a unity candle to seal the deal.

oh my!!! This has been too

oh my!!! This has been too funny!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I completely agree. As it

I completely agree. As it stands now, I get everything if DH were to die, plus life insurance. He has a separate policy to take care of his SD if he were to die, but that is all she is entitled to.

We have already discussed, and our will, should we have a child will go something like this:

His half of the estate will be split equally amongst his two kids.

My half of the estate will be bequeathed to our child together, solely.

If I die first, I have no control over what he then chooses to leave behind to the children. I can pretty much rest assured it will be 50/50 split. But I will be dead so I won't care.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

All things being equal, I

All things being equal, I don't PLAN on dying first, primarily because DH is 15 years older than me. I know it "might" happen, but the more likely scenario is that I outlive DH. And in that case he's evidently worried that I might try to cut SD16 out of his estate. I say it's MY estate and HIS estate, not SD16's estate. She gets what she gets, as will my two BDs. That's the best anyone can do.

I think its fair. My dh and

I think its fair. My dh and i worked out the wills to be fair. The house and everything in it we have now goes to our children we have together. And if my dh wants to give any money or insurance of his to his kids its his business. But his kids get nothing of mine or the house we have now or anythign in it. THey dont live iwth us, dont want a life with us and therefore will not get anything of mine that i've worked hard for. I say mine because i am the one who buys all the stuff for the house. Not my dh. He doesn't contribute penny for tv, couch etc...
Now if they lived with us, every day...they would have been split equally..but they dont...

You are here

How is your will structured?

Comments