Treating my SS12 Equal to my Bio Daughter 12
Ok so our baby is almost due and we got a new expedition to fit our growing family. I told SS12 that once the baby was born that he would have to take the thrid row seat with my other SS9 and my bio daughter 8 that way my bio daughter12 can help me with baby if need be. FH took it to heart and felt like I am excluding him from doing the samethings my Daughter dose, he thinks that since they are the same age that they can do the same things. My SS12 can't even take care of himself (make food for himself,do basic listening,help with is younger brother or any sibling), I can't even trust him since he lies to me and his dad so much about the littlest things. He was never born as the oldest sibling, he has only since taken that role since his dad and I have gotten togeter and since his mother left his life (he has two teen sibiling from his mom). However my daughter 12 has always held the oldest sibling role, she help with her sister and the two SS cooks, cleans, does her own laundry, so I feel comfortable with her role as big sister to the baby and feel she will be a really big help. So my question is am I out of line for not thinking he is capable of helping out with the new baby and not treating him equal to my daighter until he can prove to me he can be treated the same?
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Have you explained your
Have you explained your thoughts about this to your husband? what does he say. Maybe give SS12 a "trial" and let him prove whether or not he may be a help or not and make sure FH is observing. If he is not any help and can't be trusted, FH will see this for himself.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
I have this same issue. My
I have this same issue. My BD9 I allow to help with the baby all the time. My SS8 who turns 9 in february gets mad that I will not let him help. Sadly he along with his siblings were never taught to take care of themselves, let alone another person. I can't even put him in charge of the 5 year olds and expect him to know where they are. He refuses to even help SD3 buckle her seat belt. So I just flat old told him that when he shows me he has learned how to be responsible then I will allow him to help. Then every once inawhile when I ask him to do a chore and he refuses or does it wrong on purpose I remind him that this is exacly why BD9 is allowed to help with the baby and he is not, because we cannot have an "oops" with the baby she can get seriously hurt if he does not pay attention or does something wrong.
How sensitive can DH be? I
How sensitive can DH be? I mean, come on. Does it really matter if his kids sit in the back--please...he is being a baby.
Whoever is going to do the best job feeding, comforting or watching the baby for you should sit next to them. And generally, girls do better than boys. It is not a shock the SS is not able to do these things, thats boys.
Tell DH I told him to grow up! Believe it or not his kid will survive the (usually most wanted) back seat of the van!
I agree with bradybunchmom,
I agree with bradybunchmom, a new baby should not be the "practice run" on whether or not SS12 can be trusted with responsibility.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Steve, point well taken and
Steve, point well taken and I don't think it is wrong to let him participate under controlled circumstances so he can learn; but this is while the adult is driving and can't necessarily keep a close eye or intervene when required.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Exactly--I see we posted at
Exactly--I see we posted at the same time
The one looking after and
The one looking after and sitting next to my newborn is my SD10, not my BS.
She will have to respond herself (the poster) but for me it is a job for the oldest that is the most responsible. SS can learn to care for the baby in the house under supervision. The parents cannot teach him or supervise his efforts while they are driving. She did not say she did not want him to have ANYTHING to do with the baby, just that he is not responsible enough to be left to take over for her in the car.
With our next baby (due this summer, yes the kids are very close together) SD will be in charge of caring for both little ones. So the little ones will sit in the first seat so SD can lean over the seat to assist them both.
I do see what you are saying about most posters trying to keep the new babies away from their skids but I assure you this is not the norm in blended families.
If I had two kids around the age of 8-10 yrs, lets just say 1 Bkid and 1 skid, the most responsible with the most experience will assist. The one with the least experience can help more at home until they learn more-- Then why not let them take turns.
Oh I have been trial running
Oh I have been trial running him with is younger brother (9) and two youger step sisters (5 and
since I found out we were having a baby. His interested and attention is not making me feel confident enough to allow him to be treated the same as my 12 year old daughter. I have to treat him the same as I do the younger ones, I don't feel I should have to do that, I want to have confidence in him and trust him but he is not giving me any reason too.
My issue with SS8 helping
My issue with SS8 helping with new baby is not that he is a skid. It is because he isn't responsible, careful, observant etc. His father fully agrees. In fact its fiance who won't let SS8 watch SS5 in the restroom alone lol.