Girly run! He doesn't value your imput with his children and he has chosen to make you feel like a second class citizen with his x-wife.

No she should not be tromping through YOUR home. It doesn't matter that she lived there before.. that is past tense.

You seriously need to sit this guy down and tell him the facts of life. He either accepts you as an equal partner or you are walking.

6 Months isn't enough time to waste anymore time if you don't get results.

I can relate to the BM strolling about the house. It is wrong, it feels wrong and it is wrong. My Skd's are 6 & 9, so yes BM does occasionally need to be in the house (or the kids want her to and Im okay with that). But get this...... she has the code to the garage and in the summer when she has the kids all day, they come over to use the trampoline in the back yard. She is in my house UNSUPERVISED! Again, I struggle, becuase I want the kids to use the tramp, and they should be able to run in the house and get something, but SHE doesn NOT need to be in the house!

I dont think you are being too sensitive, its just weird... I feel it too!

I told DH that it feels funny and asked him to imagine that he was home sick one day, sleeping in the bedroom, and along walks my EX - Um, wouldnt you feel invaded to say the least? He agreed and has asked her to limit herself to the entryway and downstairs in the girls rooms (if necessesary). But I guess we really dont know if she respects that or not since were not there. But try to make him see what it feels like to you.

I would have made a B-Line to the door the moment he said that to me. He does not value your opinion in any way and made that perfectly clear to you. Lay down an ultimatum and either he gets it or he don't....or gets you or he don't!

Had to have a similar discussion with my now husband. We were living several hours apart but engaged, and he told me one day that his ex was going to move back in with him otherwise she'd be homeless. This was not a question to me, but a statement. How could he let his kids' mom be homeless?

It didn't OCCUR to him that I might object. Lots of drama, but basically I told him the relationship with me was over the second she moved in. He ended up telling her she couldn't live there, which is really what he wanted to do anyway but he was (and is) afraid of losing his children's affection.

You'll get a pretty clear picture of your relationship with him by telling him how you feel and what you need. If he is unsympathetic or makes you out to be the bad guy, walk away. Quickly.

Wow! That is a hard situation to be in. I am not understanding...... BF's take on things. If he wanted BM to still run the house he lives in - then he should not have had you move in.

Geez you are entitled to privacy as well. I think she is taking advantage of the situation to run his life and attempt to make you feel un-easy.

BF has got to do better than that. Telling him you deserve privacy in the home you live in hopefully will get him to understand things. I am sure he is not allowed to walk all through BMs house - just cause he had kids with her is he?

There are boundaries that should be set once their relationship ended.... and his sons may need a lesson in respect as well.

If things get no better on that front - i would either leave or if that is not possible. sit naked on the bed and walk out in BMs face when she shows up next - hell since she is trying to be nosey in the first place - give her something to really look at.... LOL! just kidding on that.....

BF needs to get a pair - - - --

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Ugh. Creepy! My skids let their BM in our house once. I nearly died. I had to shoo her back out the door. She was dying to nose around. That is one of about 3 times I have ever talked her to her in 3 years. I said, "We're getting ready to eat dinner. Now is a really bad time." I don't care whose mom she is, I don't want her in my house!

It looks like everyone is upset with YOU for interrupting their routines. Did you know about BM walking thru the home prior to you moving in?
That stuff should just stop. I can't imagine it being comfortable for you at all. And come on these kids are teens, they will be okay.
I don't know how you can put a stop to it, Shelly, considering you are already moved in. Try asking BF how he would feel if you had an ex roaming the halls and see what his response is, if you haven't already done so.

No. Just -- no.

Sorry, it is your house now. Period. She does not live there anymore. She needs to knock. She needs to come there ONLY when you are there, and your BF needs to respect your wishes. If she sold the house, would she expect the new owners to let her come in when she wanted and take naps?

You get 50% of the decision making power in your home. This would be a deal-breaker for me, if my BF/DH did not understand that someone who does not even live in my house should not be making the rules there. If my DH didn't get that the only way for me to have equal status to him in the house would be for me to actually be the mistress of the house, then I would walk.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I think I see where you are coming from because at one point I was there too. When we started dating she still had her stuff there (they hadnt divided assets yet) because she was living with her mom. Anyway, what Im getting at is that everyones situation is different. I have no reason to not trust BM, I dont know what you're situation is. I do not like the fact that she has the code to our garage, but the kids are too young to understand that if we changed it they shouldnt give it to BM anyway. So, Im stuck in that one. I thought about telling him that if they were too young to understand that only the people who live in this house have the code that they were too young to have the code themselves, but I havent had a reason to go there yet. IF something were to happen that would be the deal. He would understand. Again, I dont know what your situation is. The words you have used to explain your feelings about it to him may have been taken wrong by him. Like I said in an earlier post, you have to make him see it in your shoes. If he cant understand how this is crossing boundries that you are uncomfortable with then there will probably be many more to come. Just be careful.

HELL NO

I am speechless! I cant believe anyone would allow this! speechless!

Your BF was mad at you? Wow...

Chances are, if he's like this now, he'll probably always be this way. You'll spend too many days upset and hurt and he probably won't understand or even care.

Run. Run as fast as you can and never look back.

"I aint no Carol Brady"

But if you really want to stay, take some advice from the poster above me and she'll give you all the tricks you need to run his kids out of the house faster than your BF can blink!

"I aint no Carol Brady"

Moving into the 'Ex House' is mistake number one. That will always be 'their' house...been there....don't miss it. But if it is a situation that isn't negotiable, and you still want to stay in the relationship, then he needs to know how you feel about it and respect that. I think it's just a matter of if he's the type of guy who is going to be sensitive to you and your needs or not. As far as being involved in the parenting...I probably have a different perspective than most....If I didn't HAVE to be involved...I mean dragged kicking and screaming into parenting my stepkids, I would have been QUITE happy. The lucky stepparents are the ones who get to be the new female/male role model that gets to love the kids like an aunt/uncle/adult friend while the parents do the parenting work. Want we should all be that lucky IMO. There is a BIG difference between that and getting all the parenting dumped on you and not having the respect or authority that goes with it though....most of us get one or the other, but not both....

It is to hard to share a home he had prior with the kids. You need to sell and move, it is the only way to truely feel at home.

You do have a right to say who does or does not walk through your home you live there too. Does he pay all the bills? If not you have a say.

BM comes into my home. SD asks if she can come in for this or that. I have no problem--actually my H is the one that doesn't like it.

But if you feel uncomfortable then get a new house.....or at least get him to agree to a different home. This is something that you don't want to be fighting over for the next 20 plus years.

NOT NORMAL on SO many levels. I only have the limited info. from your post, but I'm not getting it at all. Why is BM coming in to your home in the first place? I need examples here. There is NO REASON for her to come into your home...period! Why hasn't she removed all of her belongings yet? How long have they been separated? Are they legally separated? divorced? Who owns the house? I'm really reaching here trying to even think of one normal reason for why BM comes in to begin with. Are they both looking for excuses for her to come by? You also stated in one of your replies that you actually KNEW that BM was allowed to come in to BF's house when you moved in...and you still moved in without this having been resolved, first? Shelly, please give me more info. especially timelines of what's been going on & how long you've been putting up with this - I will help you as much as possible (I, too, am living in the house that was formerly BF's home with BM & skids, so I can speak from personal experience). By the way, WELCOME to ST SHELLY!!!

What kind of sick individual would torture his GF by giving his XW run of his house?

Get out now.

Just my humble opinion of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)