An Epidemic?!?!?
I have been reading the Blogs this week and it seems like there are an awful lot of us ready to call it quits lately. It seems like those of us with these feelings all have similar issues. I'm including myself when I refer to these postings because I have found myself feeling like the end of my marriage is near. My husband and I have decided to try marriage counseling and have our first session next week.
For those of you that have been in this position and have made it past all of this I have a few questions. 1. When did the "severe issues" start to surface in your relationships? 2. What steps did you take to recover from them? 3. After working on it, how long did it take for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel? 4. Did you ever get over the hurt completely?
For those of you who are in the situation now and have made the decision to end the relationship: 1. What tells you that there is nothing you can do to make it work? 2. Do you plan to leave DH and never look back (cut all ties with him and SK's)?
- CrystalRE's blog
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This is a great question
This is a great question Crystal RE. I can't wait to read the replies -- I think it will be extremely helpful to those of us (me included)who are wondering what to do.
Thank you for posting this...
I have one more...If there
I have one more...If there is anyone out there who has cut ties and is still visiting this site please let us know how things are for you months, even years later.
1. When did the "severe
1. When did the "severe issues" start to surface in your relationships?
After we got married. I think because DH thought he sealed the deal and became a monster. SS got worse because there was NO way Mommy and Daddy were getting back together after we got married. If I start going into detail, I would write a book.
2. What steps did you take to recover from them?
I actually ended up leaving for a couple of weeks with the intent to sell the house and divorce. It put my DH in the full time parent role and I think he got a real taste of SS, since I was always there to deal with the bull crap, DH never had to deal with ss. He got an eye opener when I left.
3. After working on it, how long did it take for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
It has been 2 months since I returned. We are still working on things but DH has stepped up and we are in counseling. I have disengaged completely from ss. It is working out so far.
4. Did you ever get over the hurt completely?
I am still not over the resentment and hurt that I went through. I think that will take time to get over. I said my peace before I came back and told DH what I wanted in our relationship and family and if he couldn't provide that, I would not come back. He said his peace too and we are working on things. Things are better, but I still have the hurt. I hope it goes away soon.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
going through hard times
going through hard times now...
i gat get over things and im ruining my marriage to a man who makes me his whole world, and i bitch because he doesnt come with the perfect package tied with a bow. just like csong our "real" issues have started since we got married thanks to bm, ss and mil!
cant wait to read responses! great blog crystal
Don't even get me started
Don't even get me started with BM. She actually brought us closer by acting like a douche bag. My DH used to kiss her ass until she showed her true colors here recently.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Oh boy...you can say that
Oh boy...you can say that again! Every freakin' year. Ugh
I'm so glad we're not doing the name drawing xmas gift thing this year. I don't have to fake that I care.
1. When did the "severe
1. When did the "severe issues" start to surface in your relationships?
Almost immediately, while dating. SD's attitude was abundantly clear from the get-go. The very first time I met her, she wouldn't even look at me. No hello, nothing. The second time I met her, pretty much the same. No conversation out of her at all, unless I asked her a question about herself, and even then it was like prying info from her. I knew what was coming, I could smell it from a mile away. And I saw the 'guilty daddy' crap almost immediately too. I had my eyes open from the beginning. I called DH on it immediately. Asked him why he felt he had to coddle a 17 yo. Asked what was up with the chip on her shoulder. We discussed it quite a bit and I think he just began to see things that he chose not to see in the past.
2. What steps did you take to recover from them?
Well, I guess I'm just a gal who doesn't take shit from people, especially a 17/18 year old. NOPE. She kept trying to pick daddy's wallet, have daddy handle all of her 'issues' for her instead of trying to figure anything out on her own, tried to convince DH that he's unhappy (huh?). She just didn't want to grow up in any way or let go of the fact that her parents got divorced. She still doesn't, but now at 20, she's kinda forced to. She's had her education and vehicle handed to her, which is more than a lot of 'kids' get. She's set and where she goes from here is up to her. DH acknowledges that and has been good with standing his/our ground. Don't get me wrong, it didn't happen overnight. And I've been at the point of wondering if it was all worth it, too. But to me, it was. So I hung in there and eventually, things came around.
3. After working on it, how long did it take for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
A few years. I think we finally got to a stable point about a month ago. We discussed a lot of issues and came to an agreement and are moving forward. So far, so good. As long as she can't show some respect, she's not welcome here. When she can grow up and stop trying to cause trouble with DH and I, she'll be welcome here again. We'll see...
4. Did you ever get over the hurt completely?
No. That's something I don't think will ever go away. I'm always looking over my shoulder for trouble to resurface. I think things will be like that for a while. But I'm willing to do that to keep my marriage intact.
Can I add another question
Can I add another question for those who made it through?
If it worked out, do you have regrets that you didn't get out when you could have? I know that is sort of an oxymoron, not sure how to reword it to be clearer...in other words, by fixing it did you commit yourself to a life that is still stressful?
In my situation, no.
In my situation, no. Stressful, maybe a bit, but not nearly as stressful as it was when she would visit. Now THAT was stressful. Still, I don't mind her coming here to visit with DH, I don't want him to stop communications with her or anything like that. I just DEMAND respect, especially in my own home. Luckily for me, DH has seen my point of view and is standing by my side. He still visits with SD, but he'll go to her work to see her and talk with her on the phone. I'm fine with that. Hopefully someday she'll grow up. But she's not my kid, I didn't raise her, and she's not my responsibility. I have my own to raise, without that kind of influence.
1. When did the "severe
1. When did the "severe issues" start to surface in your relationships?
---------> Several months after moving in with one another.
2. What steps did you take to recover from them?
----------> Taking those steps now, first counselling appt next week.
3. After working on it, how long did it take for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel?
---------> I'm in the middle of it right now, I see a light, just not sure how to make it TO the light.
4. Did you ever get over the hurt completely?
---------> I sure hope I can.
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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."
Thanks for all of the great
Thanks for all of the great input! Im hoping to make it through all of this with our family intact!