I shit my pants with excitement!!!!
So ya know how I was bitching about SD8 having headlice again and how my husband and I got into a fight bc I didn't want her here bc I didn't want her depositing those nasty things everywhere she goes?....well after we had that BLOW OUT fight where I was the BITCH for not wanting her here, that asshole calls me today to tell me he called BM and let her know we(him and I) have "plans" this weekend so we couldn't get his BD. WHAT THE HORSE SHIT!!!! After we had that huge fight where he slept on the couch in the "man cave" aka basement, he has the balls to do this....so I thinking it through said,"no that's ok honey, lets get her lice taken care of this weekend so we can rest knowing she doesn't have it anymore" bc IF she didn't come this weekend, we would have her the next 2 weekends. Anyway, while I was saying that to HIM, all I kept thinking was, "YES, we don't have her for Thanksgiving or the weekend following Thanksgiving....and what does that mean....NO SD FOR 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am free for 6 days can you believe that???? I think I shit my pants with excitement!!!!
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Jenn, I'm really sorry you
Jenn, I'm really sorry you feel that way about your SD. Speaking as a BM, and yes I'm a SM too, if my daughter had lice, I would probably want to keep her home to make sure it gets treated properly, but if Ex had someone in his life that didn't want her coming over because of it, or was so excited that she wasn't going to be around, it would break my heart to know that.
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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."
That's kind of what I was
That's kind of what I was thinking when I read this... then again, I am not familiar with Jenns story... I think this is the first blog of hers I have opened....
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I almost thought the same
I almost thought the same thing, BUT I realized I've felt that way too. Sometimes hard kids can make you feel that way. Enjoying when they arent around may make her sound crappy, BUT its just like that sometimes. I think IF we had somewhere for SKs to go for a while I'd be just as happy.
Life is what you make it.
lol....your dh is such a
lol....your dh is such a whimp. Its always WE when it should be only THEM and then bm blames it on SM. Cause that is what happens all the time with guilt dads. My dh did this at the beginning of the relationship. I told him, hey don't involve me with your lies. You want to lie, its on your plate but dont ever involve me.
oh by the way, ever since i read your blog. I'm itchy:( ehehhe...i'm also a paranoid person....I hate lice!
I have to agree with
I have to agree with middlemom. :O I have never felt that way about my SS's. It's kind of sad that you feel that way about SD. And I'm sure your DH feels bad also that you think that way about his BD. Us as step-mothers knew what we were getting ourselves into when we got with our DH/bf. Why is she such a horrible person to be around?
I disagree. We dont always
I disagree. We dont always know what we're getting into. Being a mother of 0 I honestly had no idea what it'd be like having 2 kids in my house 24/7 with no help of any kind from anyone. Are there rewarding moments when I really love them? Yeah sure of course. Are there times I loathe them and their always needing wanting demanding uncaring never thankful selves? Yep.
"Us as step-mothers knew
"Us as step-mothers knew what we were getting ourselves into when we got with our DH/bf. "
Dear lord in heaven, I can't even believe you typed this phrase! No, most of us didn't know what we were getting into or we wouldn't have gotten into it. Yeah, we knew our DH/BF/SO's had kids, however, what we didn't know was some of them were/are the children from hell due to lack of parenting because they were/are "children of divorce" and therefore deserved to be put on a pedestal for all to worship.
Sorry but that phrase brings out my claws.
Thank you I keep having
Thank you I keep having people tell me I knew what I was getting into. I knew his kids were brats but this was because they needed more parenting and less spoiling and were oing through a rough time in thier life, what I did not knwo was that after 10 years they still would not get parenting and would still get everything they wanted and still be stuck in that rough patch that they refuse to get over. I really thought my example would make them better people not worse as they grew up. I did not know that once I married DH he would expect me to assume all responsibility but have no authority and never back me up and always undermine me with his kids. I knew I was supposed to accept his kids but I did not know that meant accepting verbal abuse from them being lied about and disrespected. Children have to be accepted...behaviors dont have to be tolerated and accepted.
SD's home is her Mom's
SD's home is her Mom's house. She comes every Tues, Thur and every other weekend. And when you've been through what I've been through with this child, you would say the same thing!!! She is a very needy individual with some serious DADDY issues, (loooves him) and bc I'm excited she won't be around for 6 days-don't judge. I rarely see my husband beings I work nights and him days so I'm REALLy looking forward to it just being ME and HIM which is much needed!
We have the same exact
We have the same exact schedule almost that you guys have with our skids. It's two days on, two days off, then EOW. There are two of them, not one, but two. Yes, she may be difficult, but she is a child, and she is a product of her two parents, who btw, happen to love her unconditionally. I'm not saying that it's wrong to enjoy or look forward to time alone with your DH, nor am I judging you for that. But I would like for you to try to practice some compassion for this child, because one day it could be your child. I'm just trying to give you another perspective, there are times where I get aggravated with the skids, and look forward to time alone with my SO, but parents don't throw away their child when they are sick or difficult, good parents anyhow. So this is what it is, in order to make this situation a little more pleasurable or bearable for you is to find a way to soften your heart towards your SD.
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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."
Like I said... I am not
Like I said... I am not familiar with your story, so no judging going on... it came off a little harsh is all. I understand needed some alone time. I totally need some right now, with my mom and little sister(16) living with us for the past 2 years, and my oldest sister and her hubby and 4 kids being with us for the past few months while they are down and out... alone time is something that I have NONE of lately.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Thank you Crayon, your
Thank you Crayon, your exactly right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By this blog, people have
By this blog, people have seem to have taken me the wrong way. I was saying 2 things, one, my husband and I fought for nothing over this stupid situation and 2 I'm excited to spend ALONE time with my husband.No hidden meanings here just as simple as that. I love my step daughter, not as my own, I don't have any children to compare that to. And at times, I probably come off as I disliking her, in actuality, she is a very smart girl who is VERY loveable at times. Just seems like more so that not there are constant problems with this child and her BM and for that sometimes YES I resent her, so maybe that's alittle of what everyone's hearing. As far as ME knowing what I was getting into, if you've never been in a relationship with someone who has kids, (I haven't) how can I possibly know what I'm "getting into". And circumstances change,life changes, yes I had a clue what I was getting into but I didn't know what to expect!
Sorry Jenn330... I didn't
Sorry Jenn330...
I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes. I could understand about how you would want time for you and your husband only. To be quiet honest, I felt like I wanted my DH for myself and didn't understand how he always had to do EVERYTHING for them, especially when BM was still around. But when we had our first child together, it totally changed my perspective on everything. I now understood why he did so much for his BSs'...rigt or wrong. I would do the same for my child too. No matter how bad she was. We as parents are the only adovacate our child/children have. I love my stepsons very much and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they are complete angels, but kids are kids and I'm forunate to not have had some really bad experiences like some all of guys had. I get the ''you're not my mom'' from time to time, but I simply reply ''I know I'm not your mom, but when you are in our home, you have to follow OUR rules''. Good luck to you and hopefully things turn out okay with you and SD.
I have to agree with Jen
I have to agree with Jen about the lice. My SDs may have two parents that love them very much, but when it comes to actually taking care of this the man always leans on the woman. Well, I'm not that woman. I already went through this with my own kids when they were young. I can't tell you how many hours I spent going through each strand of their hair (they both had long hair) and pulling nits out with tweezers. I'm not willing to do that for my SDs and I certainly don't want my house contaminated with nits and lice.
Though I don't agree with the way this was written, I totally agree with not wanting the kids over if they are infested with lice.
and what is wrong with NOT
and what is wrong with NOT wanting to do it? ESPECIALLY if they arent your kids?
sd11 gets it all the time, she is prone to it. she has it right now but i refuse to take care of it. i will NOT strain my eyes and neck to find the little buggers while hearing sd11 say things like "she WAANTS to hurt me" and "see? she is pulling my hair on purpose!". i dont need the BS.
she isnt allowed near bd or her room and we have leather couches and she is forbidden from our room.
ya know, it's easy to
ya know, it's easy to say"you should just do it bc its your SD" but when she has it AND I have it bc of her, it's a diff story. I was simply saying, keep the situation contained. I blogged about it 2 days ago I think and there it explains all about why I don't want to do it. It's a complete nuissance. So not only do I have to go around cleaning up after her but me as well and it's exhausting. And since I have OCD,things never seemed to be clean enough knowing they could possibly be in the house. Why is it always up to the Woman to do it anyway, men have two arms and legs. ugh!
I think the biggest problem
I think the biggest problem in the world of the step mom is often the fact that the husband expects that she just take over all of the mom jobs while they sit on their asses. I see it so often on here & I live it in my own life.
I take cleanliness very seriously and two years ago when my step son's got headlice I was totally freaked out. Thank God it was minor but I still had to clean & vaccuum a ton...did my husband...no. His life was totally unaffected. BM had to go through my very thick curly hair to check me out because I didn't trust my husband to be thorough. How freaking sad.
My very general statement here is that the men who we are married to who are slackers ( and we all know that their are a few) had to have been like this in their marriage & that could be why BM is such a bitch & is paying him back. I have a pretty good idea that is the circumstances in my case.
I understand completely!!!
I understand completely!!! Enjoy your 6 days off!!!
I agree ... keep the
I agree ... keep the situation (head lice) contained. No need to have it in two households. Let her mom take care of it. At any rate I am not going to judge anyone. You and your husband and family enjoy the holidays.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
I feel that way too. I feel
I feel that way too. I feel bad for feeling that way but when my step kids aren't here DH is a different mant. There are no egg shells to walk on. Our bio kids are more relaxed and have fun without the ridiculous sibling rivalry that goes on between them and the skids. My skids are rude, mean ,selfish, smelly, dirty, and I have spent 10 years trying to parent them as I would my own, to teach them manners, morals, sharing, kindness, hygiene and it goes in one ear out the other or i get bitch at for trying because I am being too hard on them... Sorry if making kids use soap is abusive...geez...So I totally relate to your sense of relief when you get a break.
On the lice thing too I relate and am battling it myself. Lets see my skids get it a lot but when they get it we are supposed to Ignore the bugs and they will magically go away. But when other get it the skids are allowed to be mean and say that those kids have cooties...We are foster paretns too, currently not taking in foster kids because my step kids are so mean to them and my Dh is even mean to them. When foster kids get lice DH is like oh they cant stay here, but when his kids get it its Oh honey its ok that you keep sharing these nasty bugs with your friends and don't bath and dont let us treat your lice its ok sweatheart because you are my precious little princess...So I am not allowed to check thier heads or speak the word lice when SD gets it because it humilitaes her...well if it is so damn humiliating why after 10 years of getting it can't this kid learn how to prevent it and let us properly treat it...So the rule of tumb in my house is if anyone but my skids get lice its gross and we shoudl treat those people like they are monsters...if the skids get it we are supposed to pretend the bugs are not there crawling in thier heads, on our furniture, in our carpet and being treansferred to my head thanks to SD using my hair brushes because she is too lazy to look for her own...
So I might understand where you are coming from there...I would not want my kids or myslef treated like a cootie mongrul because I had lice but think someone shoudl give my step kids a taste of thier own cruelty when they repeatedly get it. Yes I have lice for the first time in my entire life because of my step daughter so I understand the frustration, but as a mom I also see the need to take care of the problem rather than forbidding it from my house. However my skids are now denying they have it and refusing treatment so i would LOVE to ban them until they are willing to be treated...but I have to accept the lice as a part of my family right now just as much as I have to accept the step kids because DH wont man up and be a DAD and make them treat their heads...Hes more concerned with being thie friend and keeping BM happy than being a true father. Sorry I rambled hear. I am having a really bad day if not already obvious by my numerous posts.