Hey StepTalk family. It's been a while since I've posted but things are so tense in my house between my DH and SK's and I that you can cut it with a knife. I still barely speak to my SK's and my DH. My attitude is bad and I hate going home because I know that they'll be there. I'm at a cross roadsright now. I truly honestly don't know if I want to stay with DH. I'm just coming to the realization that I don't know if I want to be raise someone elses children. Especially because my DH and I have two different ways of parenting. Our home is divided and it always has been. It seems like everything goes great then every year we end up here. When ever SK's does something wrong DH never knows what to do. He just throws his hands up and acts like nothing happened. When SS14 kept hitting on my BS8 all DH said was you guys need to get along. To me that's unacceptable. When my bio kids 8 and 6 hit each other I'm all over them because I don't condone that at all. SS14 was breaking windows out of a vacant home in a neighborhood where his grandmother lives and the landlord saw him and threatened to throw his grandmother out of the neighborhood. DH did nothing but said, "I don't know what to do." What DH doesn't understand is I don't want my Bio kids seeing this behavior and thinking it is alright. I don't think it's right to have two separate rules and I'm tired of having this conversation with him. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me and I just don't feel comfortable with them in this situation. Now since the hitting incident I've told my kids to stay out of SK's room and play in their own room. they're allowed in the common areas but just stay out because if SS14 hits my son again I'm scared of what I might do to him. I will never feel a motherly connection with these kids. I've tried, but I know that I won't. My main concern are my own kids and I know it's not right but it's the way I feel. That's another reason why I'm contemplating leaving DH. I'm 4 months pregnant with DH's child right now and you know maybe it's hormones or whatever but since I've gotten pregnant I can't help but think about the future in our household. It doesn't look bright to me. DH and I got into an arguement last night because he noticed that I haven't been really speaking to him or his children.I just pretty much lay on the bed and stay in my room. It's not right but it's how I feel and what I do. I don't want to be at the house. I think about moving out all of the time. The thing about this is, I know I'm wrong for feeling this way and I can't help it. Everyone says, you and DH need to talk but like I said we get here every year and I'm tired of talking about the same thing over and over again. I have a feeling that things will never change and I'm just starting to think that life is too short for this shit.