DH and I have primary custody. SD has not seen her mom in about 1 month now.
As far as if I wish we did or didn't.... it truly depends on what day you ask me. And possibly even that would change hour by hour.
It's a tough thing to wish for.
For my husband and myself, selfishly of course, I wish we didn't. My other not-so-selfish reason that I wish not is because it would mean that SD would not have the issues with her mom that she does. I'm not naive enough to think that if that were the case though, that there wouldn't be other issues to deal with instead (liking her mom better... attitude toward me... Disneyland dad? ... etc.)
Because of the positive changes I have seen in SD since she has come to live with us... there's no doubt that she should live here and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Overall, I'm glad she is here with us... and I also look forward to the day she goes off to college!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
we have full custody, and he has had full custody since they were in diapers, now I wish they would spend like 6 months with their mother(I could use a break) but mostly so they know why she doesn't have custody. I don't fear for their lives when they are with her, but she has absolutely no parenting abilities. I know that here is the best place for my SS's and I feel that they would teat me a little better if they realized wht their BM is truely like. But many times I just wish we could be the Disney land parents!! Plus they are young teenagers and no matter who their mother is they are not pleasant, that is why god gives them to us as babies, because if he gave them to us as teenagers we would understand how some animals eat their young!!LOL!! I just know it will be over in a few more years and when they are grown and have families of their own that I will be grammy and not their BM, that is my solice!!
dh and i have primary physical custody. no i dont wish that we didnt. this weekend will be the first time ss4 has seen his bm in going on 4 months now. he thinks that the picture of a real estate agent on a magnent on our fridge is his mother..its sad. my life would be so much more stress and drama ridden if there was a set visitation schedule for bm or if she had any kind of custody. i love having ss in our home, it can be really hard, but we have a great support network (that does not include bm) when we want to go out for a night or have a weekend alone. ss is confused enough by the situation (raised by dh's sister from 3 months till 7 months, then raised by dh's great aunt until 3 years, then kidnapped by bm for 6 months, then lives with us for past four months) and even though he is very well adjusted given the circumstances, it hurts to see him struggle to understand. bm intentionally adds to his confusion by telling that he has her last name, that his father is not his father but rather it is her boyfriend who she then breaks up with, that his half brother is his "friend", not letting him see his father for months when she had him, etc. dh and i are young, but i feel like we can provide a more stable and less highly emotional enviroment for him.
We do not. We have them every second week from Thursday morning (drive them to school) to monday morning when we drop them off. We are trying for 50% though. I wouldn't want them more. BM is an idiot but she's a decent mom and the skids love her. I want them to have both parents, and I love my time alone with FH. He loves his time with them but as we both have careers, it would be really hard to have them all the time. It's a logistical thing as we have to be at work early. Who would get them ready and drive them to school? Who would pick them up? We are still at work when school is done.
Yes, we do have full custody. Bm was never there and kids were being raised by a 67 year old couple.
Do I wish we didn't? Well it depends on when u ask. Had u asked a couple weeks ago I'd a said I can have their stuff packed any minute. But these days I'm slowy cominh to my senses and realzing that this is where they need to be. They weren't going to school on a regular basis, sd13 was talking to old men (21 and 23) online, and she'd be constantly fighting the old people, they weren't fed regularly, the house was just really old and cruddy. The counselor I had started meeting with had said that we should just fix those issues and send them back because sd13 was having too hard a time transitioning. But my dh wouldn't hear it and insisted on finally becoming "responsible" for his own kids. Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter now because the custody "fight" is over. Bm signed papers saying we have 5050 care and responsibility even though she never sees them. Anything to not have responsibility. Oh well.
Life is what you make it.
Yep. The attorney sent a letter saying, if you dont agree to this, then you will have to pay child support and blah blah. She signed so fast it was unreal. She hadnt seen them but once in the last year and that was to tell them to tell the judge they didnt want to live with us so she wouldnt lose her stupid cs. Oh well. They like the other 3 she's lost are better off without her.
We have full custody because his kids at the time 14 and 10 chose to live with him. The BM plays no part in their lives even though she lives minutes away from us. She married a rich guy and lives the life while I take care of her kids. I resent her for having all her freedom. She never has to deal with all the stress that comes with growing teenagers, never has to cook for them, never has to pick or drop them off anywhwere, never have to worry and never have to pay child support because my husband doesn't want anything from her. Yes what a life she has.
We have full custody 24/7, 365...with no cs or visitation, and I wouldn't have it any other way....I know 100% that my skids are being raised properly and have at least some chance at a future now..they were used as pawns by their mother and left to starve while she and her bf of the week ate, drank and drugged.....they were basically borderline illiterate and are now honor roll students...on the flip side...I would LOVE a little privacy now and then, but I do adore my kids....
Fedup....I could have written your post word for word, with the exception that we don't really know where our BM is...she went to go "live her life"....and I know EXACTLY how u feel....but think about what BM is also missing out on...years she can never get back...like I always say...someone's trash is someone else's treasure, in my case, anyway
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
Seems like our situations are so so similar. Almost illiterate and now honor roll, no cs, dont know where BM is and we'd both like some privacy here and there. Couldnt have said it better myself.
DH and I had full (physical and legal) custody of step-demon (sd14) for two years. Her "mother" UberSkank is bats**t crazy and does not provide a stable home environment.
DH gave up custody this last summer due to multiple issues (very long and painful story) being caused by UberSkank and step-demon. Mainly by step-demon. The family counselor (who consulted with step-demons therapist) said step-demon has a very, very unhealthy relationship with her mother. And we were fighting a losing battle. She said the longer we tried to hold onto step-demon, the worse it would get.
The judge told us in court she felt it would be better to place step-demon into foster care if she wasn't going to be living with DH. She sees UberSkank for the lousy parent that she is and if it weren't for my DH speaking up.....well step-demon probably would have been on her 4th or 5th family by now.
But DH said, with all due respect to foster parents, he felt that...A. Step-demon would probably cause too many problems for a foster family. More than likely the same ones she is creating in our home and B. He would prefer, if living with us was no longer an option, that she live with her mother and sisters.
DH broke down in court and if you knew this man, you would know he would never do this. Especially in front of UberSkank. I think the judge was moved by his opinion and that is the only reason step-demon is living with Uber.
So UberSkank now has full physical and legal custody. DH and I have miraculously stopped arguing daily. And our stress level is at a minimum. Uber is doing everything she can to keep step-demon from DH. But we're working on a solution that will get us the results we need, without feeding Uber's need for a drama fix.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
We do on paper, but DH sent him back to BM as soon as she got outta jail 3 1/2 years ago. Lately, she has been saying she wants custody signed back over to her, but has yet to file the paperwork.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
No we do not have custody and we do not wish to have it..
Not because we dont love them. BUt because bm gets alot in cs and she'll fight tooth and nail to keep it for one. Second, my dh and i decided we would not take them because of the way she has raised them and their entire family is where they are now. They're grandparents and cousins etec..ec...we would not want to take them away from their family and friends. As much as their mom is a loser, and they know it, they love their grandparetns, and their friends they grew up with .
How would they feel for us to take them away from that? They would resent us! and i rather see them whenever they want to come, happy then be forced and be miserable.
I do not believe in forcing visitation. As much as i resent the fact they come whenever but still demand things because they are daughter and son to my dh, i still want them to be happy on a daily basis.by theway,,,they can demand all they want. My dh and i wont give in.
All in all, they are good kids, no trouble...yet...sd has attitude, which i'm sure comes with every teen and ss....is relaxed.
Comments
Vick - I feel exactly the
Vick - I feel exactly the same way. If BM had a better environment for SD, I wouldn't mind her being over there. But that's not the case.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
me too!!
me too!!
DH and I have primary
DH and I have primary custody. SD has not seen her mom in about 1 month now.
As far as if I wish we did or didn't.... it truly depends on what day you ask me. And possibly even that would change hour by hour.
It's a tough thing to wish for.
For my husband and myself, selfishly of course, I wish we didn't. My other not-so-selfish reason that I wish not is because it would mean that SD would not have the issues with her mom that she does. I'm not naive enough to think that if that were the case though, that there wouldn't be other issues to deal with instead (liking her mom better... attitude toward me... Disneyland dad? ... etc.)
Because of the positive changes I have seen in SD since she has come to live with us... there's no doubt that she should live here and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Overall, I'm glad she is here with us... and I also look forward to the day she goes off to college!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
we have full custody, and he
we have full custody, and he has had full custody since they were in diapers, now I wish they would spend like 6 months with their mother(I could use a break) but mostly so they know why she doesn't have custody. I don't fear for their lives when they are with her, but she has absolutely no parenting abilities. I know that here is the best place for my SS's and I feel that they would teat me a little better if they realized wht their BM is truely like. But many times I just wish we could be the Disney land parents!! Plus they are young teenagers and no matter who their mother is they are not pleasant, that is why god gives them to us as babies, because if he gave them to us as teenagers we would understand how some animals eat their young!!LOL!! I just know it will be over in a few more years and when they are grown and have families of their own that I will be grammy and not their BM, that is my solice!!
dh and i have primary
dh and i have primary physical custody. no i dont wish that we didnt. this weekend will be the first time ss4 has seen his bm in going on 4 months now. he thinks that the picture of a real estate agent on a magnent on our fridge is his mother..its sad. my life would be so much more stress and drama ridden if there was a set visitation schedule for bm or if she had any kind of custody. i love having ss in our home, it can be really hard, but we have a great support network (that does not include bm) when we want to go out for a night or have a weekend alone. ss is confused enough by the situation (raised by dh's sister from 3 months till 7 months, then raised by dh's great aunt until 3 years, then kidnapped by bm for 6 months, then lives with us for past four months) and even though he is very well adjusted given the circumstances, it hurts to see him struggle to understand. bm intentionally adds to his confusion by telling that he has her last name, that his father is not his father but rather it is her boyfriend who she then breaks up with, that his half brother is his "friend", not letting him see his father for months when she had him, etc. dh and i are young, but i feel like we can provide a more stable and less highly emotional enviroment for him.
"Life favors the risk taker."
EVASION
We do not. We have them
We do not. We have them every second week from Thursday morning (drive them to school) to monday morning when we drop them off. We are trying for 50% though. I wouldn't want them more. BM is an idiot but she's a decent mom and the skids love her. I want them to have both parents, and I love my time alone with FH. He loves his time with them but as we both have careers, it would be really hard to have them all the time. It's a logistical thing as we have to be at work early. Who would get them ready and drive them to school? Who would pick them up? We are still at work when school is done.
deleted "There comes a time
deleted
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
Yes, we do have full
Yes, we do have full custody. Bm was never there and kids were being raised by a 67 year old couple.
Do I wish we didn't? Well it depends on when u ask. Had u asked a couple weeks ago I'd a said I can have their stuff packed any minute. But these days I'm slowy cominh to my senses and realzing that this is where they need to be. They weren't going to school on a regular basis, sd13 was talking to old men (21 and 23) online, and she'd be constantly fighting the old people, they weren't fed regularly, the house was just really old and cruddy. The counselor I had started meeting with had said that we should just fix those issues and send them back because sd13 was having too hard a time transitioning. But my dh wouldn't hear it and insisted on finally becoming "responsible" for his own kids. Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter now because the custody "fight" is over. Bm signed papers saying we have 5050 care and responsibility even though she never sees them. Anything to not have responsibility. Oh well.
Life is what you make it.
Ugh... she signed the papers
Ugh... she signed the papers just so she doesn't have to deal right? It's so sad.... I can't fathom these women!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Yep. The attorney sent a
Yep. The attorney sent a letter saying, if you dont agree to this, then you will have to pay child support and blah blah. She signed so fast it was unreal. She hadnt seen them but once in the last year and that was to tell them to tell the judge they didnt want to live with us so she wouldnt lose her stupid cs. Oh well. They like the other 3 she's lost are better off without her.
We have full custody because
We have full custody because his kids at the time 14 and 10 chose to live with him. The BM plays no part in their lives even though she lives minutes away from us. She married a rich guy and lives the life while I take care of her kids. I resent her for having all her freedom. She never has to deal with all the stress that comes with growing teenagers, never has to cook for them, never has to pick or drop them off anywhwere, never have to worry and never have to pay child support because my husband doesn't want anything from her. Yes what a life she has.
We have full custody 24/7,
We have full custody 24/7, 365...with no cs or visitation, and I wouldn't have it any other way....I know 100% that my skids are being raised properly and have at least some chance at a future now..they were used as pawns by their mother and left to starve while she and her bf of the week ate, drank and drugged.....they were basically borderline illiterate and are now honor roll students...on the flip side...I would LOVE a little privacy now and then, but I do adore my kids....
Fedup....I could have written your post word for word, with the exception that we don't really know where our BM is...she went to go "live her life"....and I know EXACTLY how u feel....but think about what BM is also missing out on...years she can never get back...like I always say...someone's trash is someone else's treasure, in my case, anyway
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
Seems like our situations
Seems like our situations are so so similar. Almost illiterate and now honor roll, no cs, dont know where BM is and we'd both like some privacy here and there. Couldnt have said it better myself.
Life is what you make it.
DH and I had full (physical
DH and I had full (physical and legal) custody of step-demon (sd14) for two years. Her "mother" UberSkank is bats**t crazy and does not provide a stable home environment.
DH gave up custody this last summer due to multiple issues (very long and painful story) being caused by UberSkank and step-demon. Mainly by step-demon. The family counselor (who consulted with step-demons therapist) said step-demon has a very, very unhealthy relationship with her mother. And we were fighting a losing battle. She said the longer we tried to hold onto step-demon, the worse it would get.
The judge told us in court she felt it would be better to place step-demon into foster care if she wasn't going to be living with DH. She sees UberSkank for the lousy parent that she is and if it weren't for my DH speaking up.....well step-demon probably would have been on her 4th or 5th family by now.
But DH said, with all due respect to foster parents, he felt that...A. Step-demon would probably cause too many problems for a foster family. More than likely the same ones she is creating in our home and B. He would prefer, if living with us was no longer an option, that she live with her mother and sisters.
DH broke down in court and if you knew this man, you would know he would never do this. Especially in front of UberSkank. I think the judge was moved by his opinion and that is the only reason step-demon is living with Uber.
So UberSkank now has full physical and legal custody. DH and I have miraculously stopped arguing daily. And our stress level is at a minimum. Uber is doing everything she can to keep step-demon from DH. But we're working on a solution that will get us the results we need, without feeding Uber's need for a drama fix.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
We do on paper, but DH sent
We do on paper, but DH sent him back to BM as soon as she got outta jail 3 1/2 years ago. Lately, she has been saying she wants custody signed back over to her, but has yet to file the paperwork.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
No we do not have custody
No we do not have custody and we do not wish to have it..
Not because we dont love them. BUt because bm gets alot in cs and she'll fight tooth and nail to keep it for one. Second, my dh and i decided we would not take them because of the way she has raised them and their entire family is where they are now. They're grandparents and cousins etec..ec...we would not want to take them away from their family and friends. As much as their mom is a loser, and they know it, they love their grandparetns, and their friends they grew up with .
How would they feel for us to take them away from that? They would resent us! and i rather see them whenever they want to come, happy then be forced and be miserable.
I do not believe in forcing visitation. As much as i resent the fact they come whenever but still demand things because they are daughter and son to my dh, i still want them to be happy on a daily basis.by theway,,,they can demand all they want. My dh and i wont give in.
All in all, they are good kids, no trouble...yet...sd has attitude, which i'm sure comes with every teen and ss....is relaxed.