What to do?
Everyone give me some pointers here. over the course of the years and even longer than my DH and I have been together my DH has been questioning whether his oldest son is his. He has stated to me that BM was messing around on him around the time of conception and he sees the guy that she was rumored to be sleeping with a lot. SS14 is built more like this guy and has same skin complexion. Now I told DH that if SS14 is his child then no harm done, but if not what will he do then? He's had full custody of both of his kids for 5 years now. DH told me that he understands that if it comes to be that SS14 isn't his child that it would hurt SS14 more than it would hurt him but it's just something that's been nagging him for years but he was scared to say anything. I think what's got him thinking more about this is I'm pregnant with our child now. I kind of sympathize with him in the fact that I couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be questioning whether a child of mine is really my child. I also told him that just because SS14 looks nothing like him at all doesn't mean a thing because there's some cases where the child is the spitting image of the man thought to be the father and it comes out that they're not even related. I told my DH to really think about what he wants to do because dire consequences can follow. What would you or advise your spouse to do?
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My DH is/was in the same
My DH is/was in the same boat. He has two boys and the oldest one looks nothing like him. BM was messing around and the conception time does not add up. DH has always had the suspision that this kid was not his, but he has never taken a paternity test.
When BM tried to get full custody and child support the courts wanted him to take a paternity test(protocol). DH has been raising his sons for 17 years and even though the first one looks nothing like him he knows in his heart of hearts that he is not the (biological) father! But he could not do it and hurt his son by taking this test. So he just signed and said YES he is the father.
Long story short BM receives no child support and everything is 50/50.
I did not tell DH what to do. He knows that his son is actually somebody elses'. But he just didn't want his son to be hurt when those papers would have said that DH "is not" the father.
But no I didn't advise my DH I just told him you need to do what YOU FEEL is right.
"And this too shall pass..."
You are right especially
You are right especially about the birth defect or a disease. DH and I had discussed this as well(after the fact) and he said well I guess this is when my son will know that I am not his biological father.
Funny BM knew DH was not the father but caught him in a bad time in his life(his father just died) and he was emotionally out of it.
"And this too shall pass..."
Well, for what its worth,
Well, for what its worth, these guys are saints and these kids are lucky to have them. My DH is not the father of SD19 but has been there since day 1. That's what makes a father. Fortunately, SD19 knows who her biodad is so its not a mystery but she considers DH her DAD.
I have no sage advice. Every situation presents in a different way. If it were me, I wouldn't tell the kid unless there was a medical reason while he is young but would tell him when he is grown.
Good luck
We all smile in the same language
In the end its your hubbies
In the end its your hubbies decision but i would advice him that i would rather know the truth then have it nag me for the rest of my life. If its yes, its great , if its a no, then yes his feelings will be hurt but hey, its not fair to go around with delusions. It is better medically to know in case of genetic problems down the road or underlying heart conditions. A child needs to know both halves, where they came from etc..etc...
Sorry, but i would advice my dh to go ahead and test it for the greater good. I know most bm's would say dad is doing it to cut CS..they would eh....cause its all about the money! in some cases...very sad.
In New Hampshire, if a wife
In New Hampshire, if a wife has an affair which results in a pregnancy,and the marriage ends in divorce, the husband is still required to pay child support for that child regardless if the child is his or not. Pretty screwed up if you ask me. This just sends a message to NH wives that it's okay to have an affair and have your exhusband foot the bill for child support for the next 18+ years.
At 14, your dh is the only
At 14, your dh is the only father this kid has known. he has been told that that is his dad. if its not his and he totally cuts off contact, its going to devastate your ss.