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Suggestions on communication with my DH -EX

boss_baby's picture

Submitted by boss_baby on Tue, 10/20/2009 - 6:27pm

My husband and his ex have been communicating by email only for the past year or so because of lies she has told, head games, false police reports, etc. Now my husband lost 50/50 custody because his family testified against him for marrying me. They hate me and my children. Unfortunately my husband is suffering for he was the one who in reality was the primary custodian doing everything for the girls'. He moved to be closer to me and tried gaining custody of his girls'. His ex called him on the phone today and he took her call and went outside to speak w/her. Despite the history of manipulation, lies, and false reports, he still took her call. I have a very big problem with this because he cannot cover his tail. Email is the best policy w/this dishonest individual. My husband thinks I'm terrified of him getting back w/her. The truth is I dont want her to get over on him again as she has done in the past with lies and manipulations. How can this be relayed to my husband so that he won't take her calls and continue w/emails other than phone contact for medical emergencies, etc?

Comments

Jeans222's picture

Submitted by Jeans222 on Tue, 10/20/2009 - 6:31pm

After all you claimed his ex has done, false police reports and all that, why would he want anything to do with her except for emergencies?
You need to ask him and find out and if his answer doesn't make sense, it probably doesn't make sense and you should be asking yourself if your marriage to him is going to be worth it.

boss_baby's picture

Submitted by boss_baby on Tue, 10/20/2009 - 6:52pm

I asked him and he said it was quicker than email. However when our fall out lasts longer than the time an email would have taken, it just doesnt make sense. I am beginning to wonder if the marriage is worth it. I told him before we married, I don't do baby momma drama and I meant it. Thanks,
Boss Baby

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Tue, 10/20/2009 - 7:24pm

I'm sure he is hurting with the loss of the time with his children and may have thought that by talking to her he could make her understand that. Maybe he was trying to work it out that he would be able to see them more.

I agree that when you have a manipulative person that cannot for the life of themselves tell the truth, e-mail is the best policy. My husband and his x communicate this way unless it is something that needs immediate attention, then they will either text or speak telephonically or in person during drop offs/pick ups.

I think you should not let this eat at you. You really should try to support him during this time. He essentially left his children for you. No one makes that choice unless they truly love the other person.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Wed, 10/21/2009 - 7:33am

I need some suggestions too. We have talked about the email thing, but he always gets sucked into answering the phone. So far, the excuse being that it might be about the kids. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not, and it has never been an emergency. BM has manipulated him when they were married and continues to do so. She feels she is entitled, and for some reason he goes along with it. I don't know what else to do.

Yesterday I lost it, and ended up in a state of depression. We FINALLY got time to go take a first look at baby stuff, he knows this was special to me and that I had been waiting a long time (already into my 7th month and not one thing purchased or even looked at, 1st baby for me but his 3rd). Just as we get in the store BM calls, and instead of letting it go to voicemail, he answered. I waited around thinking, "Ah well, he might cut her short, tell her he is busy or something..." No, he continues for a good while, she is calling to ask for more money. I walked out of the store while he was still on the phone, walked back in when I figured he was done and told him I simply cannot do this shopping anymore, my special day was ruined. Of course, he was more mad than me - at himself probably and at me, and instead of some apology and consolation and promise to make it up, we rush through our usually wonderful grocery shopping and he proceeds to drink his problems away. I'm was dying to talk to him, to be understood, but he just wants me to stop crying and doesn't want to talk to me. He said something is wrong with me. Apparently something is wrong with me wanting a special outing to shop for our first baby stuff, without the interruption of BM unless absolutely necessary.

I have no friends or family close by, since I moved to the US DH has been my life. I eventually called my mum long-distance just to help get myself out of "wanting to die" mode.