Isn't having "some" money better than having "no" money?!
BM quit her job. BIG SURPRISE!
This woman is absolutely incapable of supporting herself. She's one of the most irresponsible adults I have ever met. We allowed SD10 to sign up for an after-school fun activity for five Tuesdays (our day) and we paid the $15 for her. SD8 wanted to sign up for a Wednesday activity (BM's day) and we told her she would have to talk to BM about that and that BM would have to pay for it. Money needed to be turned in by today. FH got a call from BM this morning saying that she would not have the money for this because she quit her job.
So, we are left to pay for SD8. We will not allow SD10 to be involved in something fun and not SD8 just because BM is an irresponsible, selfish human being.
This is the same woman who was at the bar all day on Sunday and was not home when we needed to drop the skids off. FH called her when we were sitting in her driveway and she told us that she had cleaned out her fireplace and the place was a dusty mess and could we just keep the skids for one more night? FH was getting sick and he told her we couldn't keep them. She said she'd be there in 25 minutes. In the meantime, my sister called me and told me that BM had been in the bar since noon that day. While we were waiting for BM SD10 had to go to the bathroom and the house was unlocked, so she went in and when she came back out I asked her how bad the house was and she said the house was fine. We didn't tell the skids that BM wanted us to keep them one more night or the reason why, because BM lies so much and we don't want to put the kids in that situation to defend or lie for their mom.
So, anyway, my point is how can you be in a bar all day and then not have even $15 to pay for an activity for your daughter? Do we just allow SD8 to not participate and just blame it on the BM, or do we leave work early and run the money to the school so that SD8 can join a fun activity too? I have a huge problem with the skids getting the short end of the stick just because BM is a loser, but if we keep bailing her out, what's her motivation to get a job and actually keep a job?
Have you ladies been through anything similar?
If so, how did you handle it?
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Comments
ooooohhh. That's a tough
ooooohhh. That's a tough one... I'll be interested to see what others say. IMO I think it's very sad and will be very hard, but you insist that BM pays or SD8 doesn't go. When SD10's activity is over, then you pay for SD8 to do something. You can't let BM think that you will pick up her slack all the time. It just sucks that the kids have to suffer. I would make it very clear that you want SD8 to be involved in something, she will just have to pick something that starts after SD10's activity is finished.
On the other hand, if it's only $15 I might just fork it over... But only this one time. The next time either of them wants to do something I would make sure that they are both involved in something and have BM's half in advance!
I'm sure we will pay the $15
I'm sure we will pay the $15 and allow SD8 to join. It's just that this isn't the first time, nor will it be the last. Since BM has been working these last few months, she has paid for some things that she never used to. And now that she has quit her job, we will be expected to pick up the slack again! When does it end?
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
unfortunately, never...
unfortunately, never... sounds like you've made some progress though! I would definitely make it a point that both SK's are offered the chance to do something at the same time and then collect half from BM upfront. If one kid opts out, then that's their loss and they will have to wait until the next round of activities...
It sucks, but when there is
It sucks, but when there is a screwed up parent, its almost like you two have to provide for them like you were the bioparents together, for the sake of the kid.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Wow, that's a hard one. You
Wow, that's a hard one. You want to teach BM a lesson, but don't want the skids to be without.
If you knew she had been drinking, why let the kids go back over to her house? For her to ask you to keep them, maybe she realized that she'd had too many and could not watch them properly? Not trying to be offensive.
Maybe she can't keep jobs because she's a drunk. If she'd rather sit at a bar then work? What does that honestly say about her...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I wish we wouldn't have left
I wish we wouldn't have left the girls there, but they genuinely wanted to see their mom. They hadn't seen her since Wednesday. We figured if she could drive home, then she would be okay, and we also found out (later) that she wanted to go home with her EXbf that night. BM seemed fine when she got there and she told the kids that she had been at LOWES looking for something for the fireplace. We never even told the skids that BM wanted us to keep them for an extra night. This has happened a lot on Sundays and we realized that we were enabling BM to keep up her partying ways, so now Sundays are out. And if BM would have been honest with us and just told us what she was doing, instead of lying about the fireplace dirtying up the house, maybe we would have insisted on keeping the girls. I don't know what to do with the whole situation anymore. I hate always having to be the responsible one and the mature one.
She's obviously a real
She's obviously a real winner...(spoken with real sarcasm, of course).
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I would pay the $15 and let
I would pay the $15 and let SD know where the money was coming from. However, I don't think I would drop the skids off to a drunken BM. Does she drink often? Perhaps this is the reason she quit her job? Maybe AA would be a good place for her to invest some of her last paycheck?
Yes, she drinks often. Most
Yes, she drinks often. Most of the time on Sundays, she has been drinking. That's why we no longer allow her to pick the skids up at our house. FH talked to her and said she sounded all right. If we kept the skids every time she drinks, they would never go to BM's. We're working on this. I have been keeping a journal regarding everything BM does.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
My bm will spend $100 on a
My bm will spend $100 on a tshirt but cant afford to buy the skids a school jumper each.
I guess drinking comes first... I get the feeling that most of the bm's we talk about are un-educated and selfish..