I've been searching for advice on the internet for hours. And while alot of my questions are still unanswered, one thing is clear-- I can't go on like this.

Some facts about my life:

I am 22 yrs old and currently in grad school.

My FH is 24 and while he has not officially proposed yet, we are planning on getting married.

SS is 6 yrs old. My FH had him when he was a junior in high school.

FH & BM have never been close. They were only dating briefly when she became pregnant & the relationship was quickly dissolved. FH worked, saved & clawed his way back from what could've been financial ruin. (A 16 yr old paying child support & providing health insurance for his son, along with his own car payment!)

FH is doing good for himself now, but at the moment he is living with his mom. He moved out before but had to come back & expects to be gone for good by next summer.

FH and SS shared the same room before I came into the picture. When I began dating FH, SS temporarily moved into another room in the house. However, more family members moved into the house & SS was soon moved back into FH's room.

I enjoy spending time with FH & I practically live here now too. So yes- FH, me & SS now share a room.

SS only comes over every other week and sometimes he will come over on weekends that aren't usual visitations.

For the few first months we dated, I didn't mind the situation. But things have changed. Some where a long the line I began to assume responsibility for SS's well being. I spent as much time with him as I could bc I felt FH & BM didn't. I bought him nice new clothes bc I wanted him to have trendy clothes that fit him properly. I cooked him meals from scratch. Tried to instill values and manners in him.

For some reason I felt like now that things were getting serious with FH- my role in SS's life had to change.

I volunteered to do tons of things for SS that I never had before. And FH thanked me for awhile... and then slowly, it became expected of me. FH never thanked me & when SS said he was hungry FH didn't budge. I was expected to make the meal for SS.

I kinda figured that by being given so many responsibilities- I was also given the right to offer my opinion. While I don't interject when it comes to direct matters that I disagree with- without even realizing it I jump in to set rules or limitations without letting FH speak first.

I think the problem is that I never defined what my role as a SM is.I jumped in head first & did everything I could to help contribute to this family. And now I'm resentful for it. I don't feel appreciated by SS or FH. They never say Thank You. But I keep doing things bc I feel like I'll fail as a SM if I don't step in & do everything I can to make SS the best person possible.

I've come to the realization that... that idea is stupid. It's not my responsibility. The way he acts, the person he grows into- I have no control over it & I am not holding myself accountable for it.

FH loves SS but doesn't spend as much one on one time with him as I'd like. I spend more time with SS than he does. I set this bar so high for myself & am now too exhausted to reach it. I enjoyed things more when I left all the parenting up to him.

FH makes jokes about my co-parenting & I'm very sensitive that it really hurts. I went out of my way to make SS choc chip pancakes this morning.

Me to FH: I loaded SS's pancakes with choc chip so I don't think he should be getting any treats atleast until after lunch

FH: Well what if he's good? What if I want to give him a treat? (in a mocking tone)

Me: -embarassed by my own assumption- Well ok, I was just saying since he already had chocolate that maybe you didn't want him to have more candy

FH: -starts laughing- I was just kidding

But its not funny. It makes me feel insecure like I'm over stepping boundaries.

This whole situation is even more complicated by our living arrangements. I have no space of my own & often find myself fleeing the room when he's here. SS delegates when I go to sleep & when I wake up (as soon as he's awake he turns on his xbox- doesn't ask anyone for permission or even check to see if we're awake). On the weekends he stays here I am startled awake at 6 am by the sound of a video game & am exhausted bc I spent the entire previous night up until 12:30 am bc he has to fall asleep to his TV & he wasn't tired until then.

I tried to talk to FH about it before but FH just doesn't understand how being an instant-parent can be such a challenging task for me. FH was once a step-dad figure to an ex's son, but to me thats different bc he was already a dad at the time. He doesn't know what this is like.

I feel under appreciated and confused. I often day dream about living by myself- the peace & quiet. The freedom. This scares me bc I want to spend my life with FH and the majority of the time, I enjoy being with SS (albeit I enjoyed him more when I took a less involved role in his life). I am seriously considering some form of disengagement. Maybe just stepping back & letting things go back to the way they were before. Please if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it. I'm terrified & I feel so alone.