Uh..... this actually sounds like me :jawdrop:

OMG.... SERIOUSLY.... what do I do to change this?! Something has to change.... I'm making myself and my household miserable....

This also describes the BM that I deal with....so far she fits into 2 of the 4. I am definitely going to get this book now. That way I can read the entire thing and possibly have my SD read it since she is now living with us and is seeing things differently with BM and how BM lies to get what BM wants or guilt trips/manipulates SD to get what BM wants.

Thanks for posting this Stick....it really explains a lot to me about the BM I deal with.

I am picky.
critical and criticizing (I do this)
never completely satisfied (I may seem this way)(Maybe I move on to the next goal to quickly)
picky- everything must be done to her perceptions and standards (My perceptions? YOU MEAN? Uh CRAP!)
demands perfection (I want at least a good effort!)
hypersensitive to perceived criticism (Oh Gawd, yeah don't ever think you can sum me up. I will tell you what you don't understand about me.) Eh... this one I don't like about myself. I am Mr. misunderstood...
Sometimes I need to not worry about what someone thinks about me. it's a waste of energy.

I hit most of these perty much dead center, right on target.
Or is this what I percive parenting to be about?
maybe good direction and leadership can be done. And the way a child ends up, can still be bad?
If I parent? and they make the wrong choices? can I feel like this is no reflection of me?
Or would I consume my thoughts with the question, Where did I go wrong?

I hear your name called out a bunch in this web site Stick.
I guess I am starting to see why.
Good stuff here!
Thanks!

Stick, in what you've read, do you think a parent can be narcissistic but not with their child? My EH seems to fit most of the description of a narcissist but never when it comes to his child... at least not yet. As I noted in another blog, his life revolves around the child... the child always comes first. If his child is ever hurt, he feels incredible hurt for the child... he feels this for any child hurt. But with adults? An absolute jerk!

I found this... the 9 warning signs of NPD... I think my EH fits most of this:

1) Narcissists refrain from introspection, rarely discussing memories, dreams or thoughts of self-analysis
2) Cause and effect are foreign ideas as nothing is ever a narcissist's fault. Personal accountability is an unknown concept.
3) Narcissists are unable to relate the process of how they learned a lesson about themselves or the world at large.
4) Self-improvement rarely enters a narcissist's realm as the narcissist already sees him or herself as perfect, superior and above most others. If efforts are taken, generally it is done for manipulation's purpose: to get something he or she wants. At the same time, they are very good at pointing out everyone else's faults, shortcomings or handicaps.
5) Narcissists do not share thoughts, feelings or dreams of their own. Rather if thoughts are shared, they quote others, rarely thinking for themselves. When asked to elaborate or explain how they came to such a conclusion, unless it's scripted, they cannot. Ask where the opinion came from, few will source this information as to do so takes the spotlight from them and places it on another. If feelings are shared, they'll respond with what is expected and they perceive to be the answer you want to hear based upon behavior they've seen in others. When pressed to elaborate, they cannot.
6) Narcissists consider themselves superior and never ask for collaboration in problem solving. Rather, they prefer to find someone else to do it and then minimize their contribution, taking the glory or ignoring the contribution all together.
7) When asked about their past, narcissists are vague and ambiguous. Childhood friends, siblings and others hold no importance unless they can be used to make the narcissist seem more important than he or she is.
Empathy is a foreign language. Narcissists are void of empathy and cannot "put the situation on the other foot to look at it from both sides."
9) People are tools to narcissists, not human beings. A narcissist sees no problem with using people to attain his objectives and does not care if he destroys others in the process because his needs, objectives or agenda are the only thing that matters. He is superior and everyone else is here to serve him, the legend in his own mind. The God complex illustrates why physical contact rather than long-distance relationships are needed. This type of behavior surfaces through interaction with others, specifically family and friends. If you are not there, you won't see it.