so sorry to hear that. Is SD working or planning to work? Does she have any plans as to what to do when the baby arrives? Is it automatically assumed that she will move in with you and your wife? The first thing she needs to do is, when the baby comes, try to get some kind of child support from the father and find a stable job so she can be on her own and support the baby. You and your wife did what you could to give her a good start with college and paying those expenses. She chose an alternate route. That's not your fault. She needs to do the responsible thing for everyone involved; the baby, herself and you - her parents.

Don't have any great advice on this one.

But good luck to all involved.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

This is my greastest fear. My OSD is almost 17 and has been with MANY guys (20+) unprotected. I am sorry you are going through this.

"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe

Lloyd58 - I'm so sorry you're going thorugh this! And yes "I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority" should be the Battle Cry for every step-parent.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

supportive but this really is and should be all on her and the SpermDad.

My Wife was a 16yo single mother who instantly grew up, pulled her head out of her ass (my words for her description of her behavior) when she got pregnant went nearly instantly from a slightly above average student to an honor student over night and eventually graduated w/ her HS class then moved out of state with her then 1yr old son to attend an accelerated BS program (in PHX by the way I am assuming the ASU our SD goes to is in Tempe).

My Wife made it a point to not live her life as a statistic and she went on to a BS with honors, an MBA with honors and to become a CPA. Initially entirely on her own, 1200 miles from home with no support other than gov't programs and school loans...... before I came along.

To quote her "If I can do it anyone can. Just step up and make a life for yourself and your kid and quit whining and expecting someone to take care of you. I am nothing special". I wholeheartedly agree with her except on the "special" part. She is most certainly special.

In AZ you SD is instantly eligible for Med Insurance during her pregnancy, Coverage for the baby up to a certain age (I don't recall the age, subsidized day care day care cost my Wife $1/day when she was in school), WIC, housing subsidy and a plethora of other single Mom support programs and....... a pittance of CS from the the Toothless Moron. My Wife used these programs to drive as quickly through her college education as possible and got off of the dole on an expedited schedule. That is what the programs are for. To help people held themselves. My Wife goes ballistic when she hears someone whine about how "hard it is and I can't do it the baby(s) take up all of my time and why do these bad things always happen to me blah blah blah". :O

When these kids figure out that if they keep their peckers in their pants and their labia in their leotards then maybe we will quite breeding a nation of entitlement morons!!!!! GRRRRRRR! :jawdrop:

As for your SD's baby weight ......... if she would get off of her ass, get a job, walk to work, baby day care, and home she will loose her baby lard in a hurry. My Wife lost her baby fluff in no time following this regimen. She did not have a car and walked to and from the bus stop to get SS to daycare then bus back across town to work, bus back home for her ~1+mile walk to campus and back then back on the bus to pick up the kid ending with a walk to and from the grocery store loaded with a kid and grocery bags.

Not that I could not take my own advice on this since I have the pregnant man belly indicative of my professional and personal success and the enjoyment I get out of the finer things personal effort and accomplishment can provide.

Please no one share this with my wife for she will have me exercising my fluffy butt off if she hears about it.

Sorry for the rant, but, I often transition from telling my Wife's story to loosing my temper over the morons who can't make a frickin good decision if you write it on a 2x4 and beat them to death with it.

Accountability is not an answer for your SD's problem. It is the ONLY answer. Hold her and her babydaddy accountable. Let this be entirely on them.

IMHO of course.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Lloyd -- this is a difficult situation to be in. My SD was a sophomore in college when she(19 at the time) told us she was pregnant. I waited for my DH's reaction to see how I should respond. What he said surprised me, until I remembered what a fabulous guy he really is.

He said, no matter what -- babies are a wonderful thing. No one should be angry about them. He told me he was disappointed that she had made decisions that were going to make her life harder than it needed to be, and would present her with numberous challenges, but IT WAS HER LIFE. Neither he nor I could make her decisions for her, and it was up to her to deal with the consequences.

He also said there was no point being angry that she was pregnant -- it was just a fact that had to be dealt with. No point in yelling about her irresponsibility -- you know, closing the barn door and all.

At the time, she was living with her BF, so we didn't really have to worry about her moving home -- that would've made it much tougher for me to deal with! I was very disappointed that she chose to get pregnant -- and yes, it's a choice. You choose to be responsible about birth control or not.

We were emotionally supportive through the pregnancy and delivery, but tried to maintain some distance because IT'S UP TO HER TO TAKE CARE OF HER BABY AND HERSELF. She's an adult and needs to step up to the plate and deal with adult decisions. Our health insurance covered her prenatal and delivery services, but immediately after that she was no longer covered. She had to find state programs that would cover the baby - and in CA, they're there.

She made the decision to drop out of college and work to support herself and her child. Do I agree with all of the decisions she's made? NOPE! but I do try my best to keep in mind that this is her life, and ultimately every decision is up to her. I know I went back to college after several years off, and I completed my Degree, so if it's important to her, I have to have faith that she can too.

I can understand if you are worried about her moving home and expecting you to take care of her. It's really important that you make it clear to her that she is the adult -- she'll be the MOM -- and that she needs to be responsible. sorry, I haven't read your blogs, so I don't have a feel for your SD's attitude -- will she be responsive to a "grown up" discussion about her choices and plans for the future?