Are all young ladies this mean??
I have a 17 yr old step-daughter who has been such a blessing to me. Absolutely wonderful kid. This past month? The demon has been unleashed. She has started to see this 21 yr old and now, we know nothing, and we are the worst people in the world! Well, previously, she had never been late for curfew, always checked in with us, gave us her schedule, had her friends over, etc... Now? Sneaking out of the house, claiming to be at her moms when she is actually with him, never home, doesn't check in, doesn't give us her schedule...And when confronted? OMG! The eye roll is like something out of the exorsist!
I clean the house and she will trash it in literally? Less than an hour. Mascara gets wiped on the shower wall (even though I have provided a washcloth), q-tips get thrown on the floor...actually touching the trash can! Her dog? That's a whole different story that I don't even want to discuss.
Now, the threats have started that she is goin to live with her mom, who lost custody because she doesn't give a shit! Little Miss 17 yr old has NO rules at mom's. And of course, this is ALL my fault cause her dad would have never grounded her for being late if it wasn't for me!
I am at my wits end. She has turned hateful and downright disrespectful. I just don't know anymore...
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....if it becomes more than
....if it becomes more than you can handle, would you consider her living with her BM? Or can you hang in there another year till she moves or goes to college?
It sounds like you really love her you might not want BM to have her for even that long. Did you try to sit down and talk with her one on one? I wonder if there is more to her change in attitude than just being 17.
Hmmm....I think you may be
Hmmm....I think you may be right.
Oh yea, sit down talks have
Oh yea, sit down talks have been had. Like I said, the eyes roll back in her head so far I think I'm watching the Exorsist! And then the crying, and screaming. The guy is a piece of crap and has been in trouble for beating his ex-girlfriend. But the SD says "oh, she deserved it". I mean come on!!! I'm pretty sure dad is telling her (tonight)to go live with mom but the car and the phone are staying here. Mom is a piece of work also...she has no friends over the age of 21! There are no rules, there is no supervision. Mom's credit is so horrible she has to have a pre-paid phone and there is NO chance in hell she can buy her a car. We'll see what happens. We only ask two things...check in and be home on time. She can't even do that any more. Legally? I don't think we can do anything about this guy either. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
It depends on the state,
It depends on the state, here no one over 18 could be "with" someone under 18.
But that may be hard to prove if she won't admit it.
I pulled a similar stunt on my own mother
after I started dating someone older than me. Then I ended up pregnant at 19. BUT that's just me...
I think attitude and rebellion is typical of a teen even if they were previously an angel. My mother said aliens sucked the brain from my head at around 12 and didn't give it back til around 23.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
How far is she from being 18?
Once she's 18, she's "officially" an adult, right? If she's this way now, it's only going to get worse then. Let her go live with BM. It sounds like you & your husband have done everything you could do.
I remember breaking curfew at that age. But I never treated my parents the way your SD is treating you guys. I'm sure I rolled my eyes & for the life of me could not understand why they were so worried, but now that I'm older I understand it.
It sounds like the guy she's dating is the real issue. And you can't tell her what bad news this guy is because it'll just push her towards him more. And if he's at all abusive to her, she's going to go through emotional hell. I would make sure to tell her that if she ever needs to talk about ANYTHING that she can come to you & her father. Yes, she will roll her eyes at that, but when she comes to her senses, she's remember. Oh, and if you ever think she's being abused by this guy, please do something. She's going to need your support, even if she says she doesn't want it.
As a SM with a 17, almost 18 yr old SD
There comes a point where you can no longer determine who they will be. They have to make that decision on their own at 17, almost 18. You obviously gave her a great foundation, but now I think unfortunately, its up to her,,,as painful as it is... IMO, if she doesn't wish to live by yur rules any longer, whether its because of the BF or not, then I would say...GREAT...go live with BM....but remember, once u leave this house, that is it...you cannot have it both ways...don't call for things u need, or when u get in trouble(because she will with no structure and rules from BM), no car from u guys, no cell phone from u guys, etc. I'd point out one more time the change in her since the new BF and leave it at that. SD17 had a similar situation and the BF was her downfall,,,she is now back on track but it was a very rough road. Bottom line, if she doesn't want to abide by yur rules, especially if u have younger kids seeing her disrespect of u and DH, I'd hold the door open for her to move in with BM...
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"