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newbie27's picture

Submitted by newbie27 on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 8:23am

Hi.. im getting married soon to a great guy with two young kids who we now have every other weekends and a few days during the week. He pays a goodly amount in child support (that we barely afford) and we always take them to do fun things and buy all the foods that they love to eat. (especially since they are 2 VERY picky eaters). I have no kids of my own. Although I love them and we get along great i have a very selfish thought that makes me feel bad. I love them and I love him.. i just wish they werent his Sad I know that sounds horrible but I just cant help thinking it... I think a big part of it is that the CS is really setting us back especially now that we practically have 50/50.. Theres alot that Im giving up (especially with paying for the wedding) to pay for them.. I know it sounds selfish but Im just not used to it and i really dont wanna end up resenting them or BM..

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newbie27's picture

Submitted by newbie27 on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 8:07pm

thanks... it does make me feel better knowing that im not awful that i feel some sort of bitterness.... Im just not used to the idea that I have to share my husband for the rest of our lives. be it his time or affection or even something as petty as his paycheck, it is just a hard thing to deal with., All I can hope is that it will get better with time and I can whole heartedly accept the situation. Because I am happy with him and i want to have a family with him... I guess I do need to get over my "picture perfect" ideal in my head. You are right about that Smile

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 9:47pm

Honey, this road is definitely long and hard. But if you go into this really completely open minded and make sure NOW you have the support of your future husband you WILL be okay.

You aren't feeling anything that we all (in my opinion) haven't felt from time to time. It's very hard not to think about the whole "what if" we didn't have these extra kids to support.

But we do. And it sounds like you know in advance what you are going in for. If I can offer anything, it's try not to think about "what if"'s . It will just drive you crazy!! And really, that line of thinking doesn't help or change anything. What if I won the lottery??!! Smile What if I looked like a supermodel?? Sure, it's fun to dream, but sometimes can set me back to thinking about more what I don't have than what I do. Does that make sense?

If you can, take what Dru and OBT said to heart. And, try not to think about "what if" and think about "what is" and all the great stuff (your new hubby to be, a new life together) and the happiness that can bring.

I have said this on another post, but I'll say it again to you too. Try not to let BM get to you. BM over here used to irritate me.. and then I realized that I have what she wants.

BM got the house.... But I got the HOME.

Best of luck to you. Stay and don't be afraid to share....!! Smile

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

newbie27's picture

Submitted by newbie27 on Wed, 08/19/2009 - 7:16am

Thanks guys.. You have just made me feel so much better Smile I was just telling my fiance about what you all had written and how much better it was making me feel about it cuz I no longer feel alone in the situation and he wanted me to tell you all thanks Smile I know he really does love me and he knows that i truly love him and its upsetting for both us that part of this situation tears me apart... But it is getting better.. With time. And I know I really gotta stop the what ifs.. they ARE driving me crazy! And the really bad part about it is its me driving myself crazy (like i dont have enough people already to do that) lol.. Heres my other biggie.. (while Im venting) is that since i dont have any kids of my own.. I know its hard for me that having children together will be just my first time, not his. Did any of you guys have kids with ur significant other after he already had children and was it not as special? (yes theres a little insecurity coming out here) anyway, Just wondering...
BTW..OBT, holy cow! your ex is friends with your fiance?... Your brave! Smile

P.S. what does DH stand for? or FH?

Have a great day!!