custodial household. THEY (BioDad and SpermGrandma) rarely call and we do not call him while he is on visitation (5wks Summer, 1Wk Winter, 1Wk Spring) more than once per week. Our talks with him while he is on visitation are usually 15-30mins.

In the situation you describe I would take the cell phone when the skid walks in your door and return it to him when you drop him off at BMs. She should not be able to interfere with Dad's time with his child or interfere with your home life.

I would recommend a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on this and cut all contact or communication between Skid and Psycho BM when the Skid is on visitation with you.

Of course you could let him have one 5Min call per week/day at YOUR discretion if you are feeling magnanimous.

I would cut the evil BM off from all contact with Skid while he is in your home in order to mitigate the adverse effects that her toxic drama causes.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

for when BM can call. We have a cell for SS and on the only time it is on is on Tuesday and Thursdays at 7 pm for BM to call, outside of that it's off and she can't bug us.

BUT BM chose to use my SKIDS phones to text her new BF, "DO you think I am sexy?" We don't pay directly for the phone but we check it out when SS-12 isn't paying attention.
We thought it was SS-12 sending the text....he denied it and after a little bit he said, "Oh, that was Mom sending it to Bob" this BM is such trash, this text was to her new BF after her Husband has been out of the house for only 1 week.
What kind of Mother wouldn't at least delete the message let alone, not use her childs phone for sexual trashiness??

but BM doesn't really care what the skids do. She is really more interested in controlling DH so it's not an issue. Of course, your real issue is that BM uses it as a mechanism to control skid. For that reason, I would take it away and allow him to use it in the evening or perhaps not at all if she is really crazy. I mean, what is this doing to the child? He should have at least a little peace at his Dad's house. I think DH should not allow BM to use the phone to control the child while he is in your house.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

to do that with the cellphone for our 13 y/o. It got to the point where SD was getting texts at all hours so we put a stop to it. We first tried the usual punishment, take the phone away when SD was misbehaving or not listening to our rules. BM got mad and said "I pay for that phone, you have no right to take it away." To which DH replied, "Fine, then it is no longer allowed in our house!". SD then refused to come over if she couldn't bring her phone; needless to say, I wasn't unhappy about that decision.
BM still tried to dominate/control every situation: We have found that the less responsive we are to her, and her ridiculous ways, the less problems we have as a family. She get so mad, and we just sit back and laugh at her. The two younger SK's see what we have to deal with (as much as we tried to hide it, BM tells them everything), and the 10 yr old SD says "I wish mommy would just grow up" LOL!!!!

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

We have a "home phone" that is a cell phone. I give it to SD10 when she is with us BUT it does not go to her BMs nor with her to school. I call it a home phone that is for the kids (we have 2 BSs) so she does not think she has free rein over the use of the phone.

BM rarely calls SD when she is on our visits. Although BM does have the number.

If I were you I would just take the phone away when you have the child. It is your home, your rules. As soon as SD comes home we have her take off BMs everything. I wash it, or we hang it up (coats) SD is to use our things when with us. We keep everything separate.

but we dont pay for it. we have a safelink, we qualified because bd3 has some disabilities and has ssi. she gets 72 minutes added a month and once the minutes are gone, they are gone. now, if she ever decides to be a decent human being and do lots of chores and EARNS her own money, then she can have a new cell phone with whatever cool gadgets she can afford.

never will. I curse the day the damn things were invented. They are a huge inconvenience, people are so rude with them, they cause a lot of accidents and they are damned expensive. One girl in our area walked out in front of a semi and was hit and killed while texting. This happened about a month or so ago. I mean really! How do you walk in front of a semi! They aren't quiet! And they are huge. I really get irritated with these things glued to their faces. We have one cell phone that we keep with us in case of an emergency. We hardly use it. My kids will have one when they are old enough to pay for it and are no longer my responsibility. I would hate to get a knock on the door from an officer telling me that my precious girl is dead because she was distracted by a damn cell phone that I handed to her. If they are ever going to be out and need one to be able to get in touch with us, then they can borrow ours. I just think cell phones are ridiculous and out of hand. I like to be able to live my life without someone being able to reach me everywhere I go. Sorry, I'm just fed up with the damn things. To me they aren't worth all the trouble and interruptions in my life. I am busy enough and my children deserve my undivided attention.

"If your going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there" -Rodney Atkins

BM told DH that she was planning on getting SD11 a cell phone for her bday next month. DH made it very clear to BM that we would not be paying for any of it, nor would it be coming to our house. We have seen this one coming and wanted to nip it right away!

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

BM doesn't want to let go of DH. Sounds like she's still hanging on & totally obsessed w/ DH & your every move. How sad for her. I remember when me & my ex got a divorce, i was so done w/him, i could care less what he did in his own house & w/whom. the only time we would speak was during the exchange of our child.

And allow him to check in once on during his visitation schedule.

If it comes up in court state the facts its intrusive.

We bought my cell phone for my SS - Since both my BD have one - It stays at our house and we block all numbers from there house with the exception of BM cell phone. She gets to call once after that call we block it again.

Can't be without it... Perfectson17 has a cell and it's the way we keep in touch. We bought SD14 a cell 2 years ago so we could contact her without having to talk to BM but when BM went psycho she took it away (the cell WE bought and WE paid the contract on)... this went on for MONTHS so DH finally went to get it from their house (we have EOWE) and he had to threaten to call the police to get it back.. she said it was SD's phone and we couldn't have it.. WTF? WE paid the contact on it but she wanted to have control... same as all the psycho BMs. So we get it back and BM has broken it... nice. In the meantime she has started recording all our phone calls to the house phone with the SDs. She is such a bitch. So basically she has fixed it so she has control of ALL communication between us and SDs.

has one that BM bought him last year w/o telling us or asking if that was okay. It's prepaid. SS was 9 when he got it. She said it was for emergencies. Yeah, he is either at our house or hers and she doesn't even let him walk down the street w/o her freaking out like someone is going to kidnap him.
I used to 'accidentally' misplace it. If SS9 isn't responsible enough to put it away than things can get 'lost' in our house. I used to turn it off too. My DH has two cell phones, I had two cell phones and we also have a house phone. There was no need for SS9 to have a phone for her to 'talk to him'. She just didn't want to call DH to talk to the kids. It was all about control. SS still has phone but rarely brings it over to our home. I think that she knows now that she's going to have to call us, if she wants to talk to the kids.

As for your situation, insist that the phone stays in a central location...living room only. That way SS can talk to mom but it can't be in his room. Also, give some ground rules. No phone during dinner time, no phone after bed time, no phone during homework/chore time. If BM wants to call the house phone you can take a message and have SS call her back on the cell at appropriate time.

It's all about control. If you limit the control she has it will piss her off but you will also be taking that control away from her. Don't give in to her behavior. Set limits, stick to them and maybe even provide her with a copy of your rules for cell phone use. Either ways she sounds like she is going to be a pain in your A*$ for as long as your SS lives in your home. Don't give her anymore control.

When my SS was 7 his BM bought him a phone and at first I was pissed as was DH but he felt like he couldn't do anything about it without hurting SS. Well about the second week he had it he was on it ALL the time. Talking to BM, grandparents, sister, friends. BM would also tell him about all the fun things she was doing and it is too bad you aren't here. SS would get upset everytime he got off the phone with BM and just had a shitty attitude. So I had enough and I told him that when he comes over the phone gets put in the living room and gets turned off. He can make 1 phone call to his mom each day and it could last 15 minutes. At first I would even remind him to call her, half the time she didn't pick up the phone and it was turned off when he was done so oops. After about 2 weeks I stopped reminding him to call her and eventually it stopped coming over. You need to set boundaries in your home to help SS. BM is only upsetting him and that isn't good. Tell him them one 15 minute phone call a day and then the phone is off all the other times and it stays in a place where everyone can see that SS isn't on it all the time.

Easy solution. Or, just take the battery out the next time they show up at your house and drop it in their duffel bag when they leave.

Get creative on cell phone management. It is not legal for a parent to interfere with the relationship between the kid(s) and the other parent so put your foot down and drive the crazy BM to apoplexy by not allowing contact with the kid when the kid is in your home. Period.

If it is critical for BM to get a message to the kid have her text or e-mail Dad.

Put your foot down or up BM's ass either one but apply the foot forcefully!

IMHO.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)