1st counseling appointment

so last night was our 1st counseling appointment & I'm not sure I'm happy w/the way things went. we weren't really aloud to express how we feel. although my DH was able to monopolize the conversation as always, leaving me to stew in my own feelings, as usual, holding my tounge as usualy, saving it for my personal counseling appt., as usuall. The did mention to him that he's been "guilt" parenting all this time. they confronted him about allowing SD to engage in a sexual relationship w/her BF & how as "christians" we aren't supposed to do that. they also told him that their needs to be ground rules that EVERYONE has to follow. Duh! That's what I've been trying to say to DH for months now! they also explained to my husband that the fact his daughter's mother left her is NOT AN EXCUSE. Thank you Lord! I don't know if DH was really listening or not. Because these people were so nice about explaining these things. I really feel that he needed to be clubbed over the head with the Bible but that's my opinion. I guess all in all, the counselors did say what needs to be done in our house. Everythign that i have been fighting for all along. Then some basic "respect" issues came up about how DH conducts himself in front of my children. Which he's already set a bad example for them by calling me a few choice names that I wasn't even aware that he did because I'm really good at tuning him out when he acts like this. I don't know how I do it, but i manage to truly ignore everything that he says & i never hear the bad stuff. Later on my daughters said to me, mom he called you a #@*#(@! And I'll be like, He did? I didn't hear that? when he starts his crap, for me it's as if a fly is buzzing around my head and all I do is swat it away from me.I've usually moved onto more important thoughts or concerns during the time he's yelling. I don't know where I got this uncanny ability to tune him out but it's amazing to me. I don't hear half the shit he tells me.

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While tuning your dh out is an uncanny ability,

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

it is also an unspoken way of condoning his behavior. My advise, stop tuning him out and start listening. You want to hear what is being said, as what is being spoken is affecting your daughters. For them to see that not only is he calling you names or belittling you, and you are tuning him out or blindly accepting his words or actions, you teach them that this same thing can be done to them and it should just be tolerated. If you do not want to hear what he is saying because it hurts you or angers you, then you are better to not be in that situation with your daughters to begin with. If you are willing to face his words or condemning actions, to hear them and see them for what they are, to face your hurt and anger by putting an end to his name calling then you will be doing a greater service for yourself and your daughters futures. That Bible you would like to swipe across your dh's head is put to better use when you open it and realize and accept that you are a child of Christ, heir to the throne of God and are desearving of the treatment and love that Christ himself gives to us. Show your daughters that they are worth and worthy of better than what you have been accepting of. Stand up, speak up, and do it knowing that your daughters will be strong and confident women because of the example their mother set before them.

agree

You are right, I agree with you & it's really not that I'm doing it on purpose. I don't know how or why I do it. But I have been thinking about what you said and i know that you are speaking to me in truth. I accept what you have said. More & more I am starting to believe that it is best that my husband is back at his mother's house.