We had the same problem.. The skids got $90 each from relatives for their bday and Christmas (same month) one year.. all from family and friends of the bm's. We know this because the skids bragged about it and were very proud of their money.. they showed DH when he went to pick them up one weekend. Well.. we found out about a month later, that it was used for the "family bills" and that as a family, they needed to contribute.

I told them, you already contribute.. your daddy pays child support to mommy every month for you two, that is YOUR contribution to your "family bills".

After we heard about this, we took all the money they had in their room, and went and opened a savings account that only dh could take the money out of, so that none of the money from our families and friends ends up in bm's hands.

I was pissed and angry that she STOLE that money from them. They were 8 at the time. NICE!

My I-Ls have the most serious form of this I have ever seen. My youngest B-I-L repeatedly volunteers for combat tours (2-Afghanistan, just landed in Iraq) so that he can pay his parents bills.

He gives my M-I-L more than $1k/mo to pay bills that never seem to get paid. Fortunately they are finally in foreclosure and there will not have to be any more countless thousands of dollars thrown down the family farm rat hole that has bankrupted nearly two generations of my wife's family. B-I-L will get to come home from his latest tour with HIS money in HIS bank account. We have helped consistently with non negotiable contributions (food deliveries), etc... If you give my I-Ls money it goes in to some rathole and is spent for stupid crap so we don't provide anything that can be converted in to cash. They tried to return food we had delivered for cash. We know better and purchased the food through an account we set up in our names so that any returned items get credited to our account and could not generate cash for them. It is so pathetic that my M-I-L even called the bank to see how late foreclosure could be staved off if my B-I-L is killed and his life insurance pays off. :jawdrop: What kind of person uses their child's combat life insurance as a negotiating tool to try to keep from loosing property???????????????

I can understand older teen children contributing if there is some kind of financial crisis but a younger kid's coin collection (silver dollars, $2bills, etc....) should be off limits.

One thing I was raised with is that a parent should never be a burden on a child. My G-Ps were never a financial burden on my parents and my parents will not be a financial burden on my Bro and I. Neither will we be a burden on our kids. We very well may all be living together at some point because we want to spend as much time together as possible but the financial burden of communal family living will be equally distributed. We have discussed the concept of RagsFork (Think SouthFork of Dallas and the Ewing clan fame) where all three Rag's families purchase acreage and each build a home around a central swimming pool/activity center and where my parents can spend their later years interfacing with my Brother and I and the grandkids.

The Wives are the swing votes and my Wife is on board. My parents are two of my Wife's best friends and visa verse. Rags (I) am just tolerated because I bring the Wife and Skid to the table. My S-I-L is hesitant but has warmed to the idea in the past few years. My Bro and S-I-L will have their 16th anniversary in Q-4 and my wife and I hit 15 in a few weeks. Mom and Dad just had 47.

Interestingly, my parents, primarily RagsMom, get pissed when money they give the kids does not get spent. My oldest nephew and Son(SS) are savers and put any gift money they receive in a savings account my parents opened for each kid. My Mom is threatening to close the accounts and take the money out to take the kids on spend trip somewhere fun. My Son and Nephew got grumpy about that suggestion.

Anyway, parents should keep their grubby fingers off of Kid's money. At least IMHO.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

My BM is the same. Every Xmas Birthday she would take the oldest SS money for "food" she didn't take it from the other 2. This was happening until sometime last year when she decided to pay attn to the oldest ss to get him to live with her. He is like DH a sucka! BM used DH, MIL, SIL for money and didn't think twice about it...why would she about her kid? BM has been trying for years to get her hands on a savings account SS15 has. It only has about 500 dollars in it but she keeps telling him she needs it to pay for the attorney for the custody issue...and she even tells him that DH started the case when it was her. My MIL is on the account and he cant have it until he graduates HS.

I honestly don't know how parents do this to their children??

We gave them pre paid MC for Xmas instead of money....the cards stay with us...they aren't allowed to the other parents. They hate it but all understand except the SS15. He is brainwashed that she is broke because of DH and he still buys it. BM could do whatever she wants to hurt him and he doesn't seem to see the bad side of her.......sounds like DH when they were married....until she stopped paying all the bills and he found out a little too late...she left him for her now husband...her husband is the one taking from her....he doesn't work except for temp jobs....nice to know what comes around goes around.

SD's used to give all their money to BM to do laundry or shop. DH would pay them for chores at our house and they would give it right to her. Any gift cards they got for holidays went to her as well.

Now we keep a tally on big money they get and DH pays for things and deducts it. Sometimes they get pissy (like SD14 did on Friday cause she wanted it over the weekend) but too bad so sad. At least if we do it this way, we know they are getting it for themselves.

We also take half the money they get from holidays/b-days and put it in their savings account that is in DH's name, so that when they are 18, they have a little something for themselves.