Caught SD8 in lie....how would you deal with this?
Just after posting an entry about how much better SD8 has been about lying...lol! Oh, she's getting better AT lying seems to be more of the issue.
So yesterday morning I go to brush my teeth. I had been finishing up an almost empty tube of toothpaste, which I kept with my toiletries (somewhere SD8 wouldn't be taking it from). I had set out a brand new tube of toothpaste for SD8 to use while I finished up the old one. So I go to use the new toothpaste & when I flip the cap, realize it hadn't been used yet. Hmmm...here it was Wednesday. SD8 has been with us since Friday evening. So 5 days & as far as I could tell she hadn't been brushing her teeth. And yet every time we've asked her if she brushed, she said that she had. And I had noticed the night before that her toothbrush looked awfully dry.
When my husband & SD8 got home last night, SD8 was asking if her disc came from Netflix. I said it had, but I didn't know if she'd be watching it tonight or not. She was confused, so I asked if her if there was something she was supposed to do every day that she told us she'd been doing when she really hadn't been? She didn't know what I was talking about. My husband asked if it was brushing her teeth & I nodded. SD8 then repeatedly said she'd been brushing her teeth. I asked her with what toothpaste & she said the one by the sink. This is the best part: I asked her why the toothpaste looked like it hadn't been used yet & she said, "Because I thought it would be fun to keep the lid clean.". LOL!!!! What a liar! Fun to keep the lid clean my ass! How come she doesn't find it fun to keep her room clean or fun to put her dirty clothes in the hamper?!
So how would you deal with this? She swears that she's not lying. I don't believe her. I know she hadn't brushed her teeth...at least not with toothpaste. The cap was completely clean inside & out, the toothpaste was still down in the tube as if it hadn't been squeezed yet & there was no toothpaste in the sink, like there usually is after she brushes. Yet, she says she's been brushing her teeth with that toothpaste. We didn't punish her because she was so adamant about it...so really I think we just showed her that if she's really good at lying she can get away with it. Not good! But what could we have done? Any suggestions?!
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My son is #1 liar. He got that from his idiot lying father.
I just won't allow it, period. He will stand there and lie straight to DH and I. And DH is a cop, has been for 25+ years, he notices details that I never do. I mean the details this man notices is just ridiculous! So he'll instantaly put it togehter, what happened, where, when, how, and with what object. Then we'll stand there and tell him that we know exactaly what has happend and we aren't going to have the lying. Sometimes DH will give him the "out", this is your one chance to tell the truth, if you do you will get in trouble for whatever you've done, but if you don't tell us the truth right now you're really gonna get it. Sometimes he'll take his "out", sometimes he won't. When he doesn't, and he's shoveling dirt for the next week, and going to bed at 6, and not getting soda (yes, we even restrict sweets and "fun" food) when in trouble. He'll soon change his tune and wish he hadn't lied.
I wouldnt' let SD go with saying she has been brushing when you know full well she has not. I don't care if it took 6 hours, stand there and make that girl admit her lie.
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
Sometimes when my kids tell
Sometimes when my kids tell me they have brushed their teeth and haven't I just go into the bathroom after them and check if their toothbrushes are wet, if they and I still question it then I will have them open their mouths and if I smell toothpaste then I drop it but if I don't I will make them go back upstairs and this time they will be watched. I hate doing that but if they wanna lie then then that's how I handle it.
WhiteTigress2...
We have started doing this now! We had no reason to question her before because she's always been good about brushing her teeth. So that's how she got away with 5 days of no brushing. We trusted her. I guess we should have known better!
Sorry to burst your bubble...
My biokids got soooo savy they would rub toothpaste on their tongue to make it "smell" like they had brushed their teeth.. O :shocked: Like I never knew....
We all smile in the same language
Crayon...
Take their toothbrushes down to the lab to get them analyzed! That's from "Uncle Buck"...I love that movie! John Candy, RIP.
I am extremely fortunate that my husband usually backs me up on things. Just in this case, neither of us were sure what to do. Usually when SD8 lies, we can tell, but she's gotten REALLY good.
I hope someday your BF realizes that his "parenting" isn't helping Droopy at all. But from the sound of it, that's not going to happen. Welcome to guilt parenting nation!
BTW, what is it with kids and NOT wanting to brush teeth?
This seems like a fight for Bio and Steps! What is up with that?
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
stepmomjen...
I don't know, but it's gross!
And just like your son getting the lying from his father, SD8 gets it from her mother. I think if the truth ever came out of that woman's mouth, it would be celebrated as a national holiday. I think that since SD8 sees BM lying all the time & getting away with it, she assumes it's ok. Also, BM encourages SD8 to lie about certain things, so that definitely doesn't help!
Another thing is that I'm 99% sure SD8 doesn't brush her teeth at BM's. (Or at least it's rare.) For a few months, whenever SD8 came from BM's, her breath smelled like tuna fish. It was completely nasty! Finally, my husband asked her if she had been eating tuna recently & she said no. So we assumed it was just awful breath from not brushing for a week. Yuck! The only good thing is that if SD8's hygiene continues like this much longer, it'll keep the boys away!
immediate concequences work best
my sd9 is queen liar and hates to brush her teeth. We have the "sniff test" most mornings. She figured out to just run her toothbrush under water years ago, leaving funky ick mouth, so we're to sniffing for minty fresh breath. If she lies, she gets an immediate concequence, like having to brush her teeth for 10 minutes (she hates that one) losing computer/tv time, folding socks, etc. She still lies about most stuff but we're trying. SD9 is also a giant wimp when it comes to any discomfort so I've decribed, in detail, what will happen if she gets a cavity from not brushing. We'll see if that helps too.
simple solution
being she isnt acting like a big girl, MAKE her brush her teeth. start out by brushing them for her. after a week, stand with her while she does it. after 2 weeks, give her another chance.
growund her also until she stops lying.
or...play HER game. tell her you will do something/give her something, then re-nig on the offer at last minute.
huh! Lying a@@
It seem very obvious to me she hadn't been brushing her teeth.... she would have had to take the smell test at a time she should already. Had brushed her teeth! Of course she would have failed that test, then that movie she was lookin for would have been no movie.... its like this you may lie to your bm or anybody else but your little a@@ will think twice about lyin to me.
I read your post and
immediately thought of my boys. Neither one of them like bathing or brushing their teeth, and it is a fight EVERY day! I think that is mostly b/c they are boys though....I think they go through a phase like that. Anyway, my boys tell me the same thing too...that they brushed when in fact they had not. Soooo, I developed a new system where they cant play PS2 or any other comp/video gaming sytems until they have earned time. They earn time by brushing their teeth, among other chores. They LOSE time by LYING!
I say find something she REALLY likes and make that a reward system...it's working for me so far!
My SD does this too. She
My SD does this too. She will be in tears saying we never believe her, when we KNOW she is lying. Sd even said her Grandma was the liar once!
We make her go in her room and write one page--what she lied about, why she lied, an apology and promise to never do it again. This works for a while, if she does it again the punishment is more severe (like no computer or tv time).
Don't let her get away with it or she will do it over and over again. Not just becuz she is a stepkid, all kids do this.
MY SD8 does this too...what is it with
8 year olds??? SD8 will swear up and down she brushed them and yet her mouth smells like something crawled in there and died. ALSO...just figured out recently that it's been weeks (yes WEEKS) since she's actually washed her body with soap in the shower. She washes her hair because that one she can't get away with so easily, but her body just gets a rinse with water in the shower. She was SO embarrassed when I told her dad (her goal in life is to make daddy think she's perfect) and got mad at me. lol
Can't really verify the body washing but we do the breath/teeth check every morning because we just know that if we don't she'll say she did when she didn't. I don't know why FH doesn't punish her more often because of this because he's so against her lying about things (which she does ALL the time), but her BM was also a pathological liar as well, so...apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
jojo71....
Oh my God! Shortly after we all moved in together, I realized that SD8 & former SD11 (then 6 &
didn't use soap either! They would wash their hair, but just do the water rinse on their bodies. The reason? BM said that former SD11 is allergic to lye & that since lye is in soap, she can't use it. Ummm...what century is BM living in?! Most soap these days does not contain lye. And even if most brands did contain lye, there are certainly natural brands that do not contain it. I know because the natural brands I've been buying for years do not contain lye. And BM shops at a freakin' natural food Co-op!
So I assured the kids that our soap did not contain lye & they started using it. But any time former SD11 had an itchy spot on her body, she started obsessing & asking me if I switched soap or detergent! Unreal.
SS10 does this
So funny I just posted a toothbrushing post today too!!
With the lying my SS10 has been lying for years and mostly to me but we started to give him a moment to think about his answer when we know it is a lie to change his answer or think before he answers depending on the situation. It has helped "some" but he still does lie a but. I honestly just nacho when I can unless it is a big enough issue. Like the teeth brushing, DH can deal with the cavities. I just found out my SS hasn't brushed since May... because he lost his toothbrush and toothpaste. Even though I remind the kids multiple times and it is supposed to be part of their nightly and morning routines but he hasn't mentioned not having one.