getting ANY of my money, especially when I knew it wouldn't be going to the kids!

but for more reasons than just that. The fact that not one cent of my money goes toward his CS obligations is merely a bonus of our situation (though also considered a necessity to me). What's mine is mine, and what's his is his. Neither of us expect the other to supply them with money, but we do have an understanding that we will help each other out when needed. We are both very independent people who benefit from being together because our incomes augment each others'; but we do not combine them, we merely split the costs of living. I pay for most of the necessities (mortgage on main house and utilities), he pays for extras and food. When he bought a brand new 2009 car, I didn't even wince because I knew that that money was coming out of his wallet, not "our" wallet, and he would not have done so if he didn't know he could afford it without my help.

Women that I work with think I am crazy for not having joint accounts with BF. They all say that they feel because they are married, they should have access to their H's money. I don't see it that way. Just because you marry someone, that does not remove their autonomy. We are each individuals who choose to live together and benefit from our partnership.

I am a very independent person, and I make it a point to never get into a situation that I could not support myself on my own. I think that when you pool money together, you lose a part of that independence, as your money just becomes part of the pool and all expenditures are taken out of the same pot. I find solace and pride in that I am confident that if "sh** goes to fu**" as we like to say, I am 100% capable of supporting myself without the need for BF's money. I would not have things like satellite TV and high-speed internet, but I've lived without them before BF moved in and I can do it again.

Sometime in the future I would like to set up a joint savings or retirement account...something that we can both contribute to but is not accessible to spend money out of. But again, that is not truly necessary as we both are saving up for our retirements seperately.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

We have our accounts joint....it actually works out for us. We have 50/50 and there isn't a child support order. She just sends a spreadsheet at the end of the month for daycare, clothes, etc and he writes the check for half if it looks ok....

No problems so far.....

My H pays all the bills and supports the whole family. I work part time about 10 hrs a week ( I just graduated college). So we live on a tight budget. When I get a full time career (who knows when in this economy) I will sink some money into my own checking account that I kept open from before we were married. This way I can save a bit, he spends every cent we have.

My DH has his CS taken out of his check by his employer and he requested it that way so nothing comes from me anyway. We have joint accounts and he doesn't pay anything extra for SS's without clearing through me anyway. My income can't be used for CS or anything anyway and everything has my name on it. Even the IRS can't take anything from us for BM because of the "Injured Spouse" provision (that would be me). I don't think it really matters unless you are in a community property state. I am not.

DH has is taken out of his employer to per his request and always has paid his support....I am the money person in our house so any extra money spent must be approved by me...

My biggest reason for this is because if bank records and anything else the physcobitch requested I could put a fight up, and make it a little more difficult...

We have a joint mortgage account and a joint chequing account for household expenses. He has his own personal account and I have mine. So far, we've pooled our incomes and make all expenditures from the joint accounts, with the assumption that we're in this together and it's all "our" money. The child support he pays comes directly off his paycheque. The amount he pays is ridiculous (skids' trips to EUROPE! ARGH!). As it stands right now, he wouldn't be able to support himself if he were living on his own. The skids know this now, after he set them straight (they somehow got this idea that I was taking all of his money!).

This is causing a great deal of stress. If what's left over is "our" money, that gives him the right to watch and try to limit what I spend on my daughter, to the point of my feeling anxious about buying her an ice cream or a paperback! As in, "WE can't afford this because BM is taking half my income."

The problem I have is how to split up the finances fairly. This opens up a whole can of worms regarding his financial responsibility to my daughter. Should I be paying 2/3 of the household expenses, to cover myself and my daughter? Or only half, with the assumption that she's his daughter now too? What about groceries? Will he be watching who eats what to make it fair? This doesn't feel like a family, it feels like housemates. Money now becomes a symbol for family roles and relationships.

One thing is certain; I will no longer contribute financially to his children. They are strangers to me and want nothing to do with me or with my daughter. They don't acknowledge me at Christmas or on birthdays, so why would I contribute to their gifts and vacations and trips and dresses and piercings? I intend to straighten out this financial mess so that the question of who pays for what will be made clear. I think that's the only way to alleviate my own resentment of having to do without (and having to deny my daughter) while they seem to get everything they want.

"What's mine is mine, but whats his is mine too! That is the golden rule of marriage, right??"

If you were kidding - whew!! If you weren't - that sounds like the attitude of one of our BM's in the making!!

Do yourself and your spouse a favor. Have your own checking account. Make sure he has his own checking account. Get a joint account that you both put in equal amounts of money, if you can, that goes to pay all household bills. Rent, groceries, heat, etc.

And try not to look at it as Well, I put in half but I pay for him and his kid and he only puts in half, so he should put in 2/3 or whatever the stupid formula of "fair" would be. That's EXACTLY the kind of thinking that gets us into trouble. Because in reality, it all comes out in the wash at the end. There will be times that maybe you are supporting DH and child. But then, there may come a time when you have no job, or no money. And DH will be supporting you. And then, if that happened, would you be so quick to say... oh I'm not bringing as much cash in, so don't buy this for ME!!

As far as child support goes, I've lived with DH and SD for a while. BM doesn't pay us child support. I have always (until very recently - last month) paid 1/2 of all of the bills in the house. According to a lot of others on here, I should only have to contribute my 1/3 ... right? WRONG. DH and I are married. I married him "til death do I part", for richer and for poorer. I love him. I'm not so selfish that I can't understand that me helping with my half of the household helps ALL OF US. And yes, it does bug me that BM benefits from DH and my lifestyle, in that if we held her accountable for child support right now, she'd lose her home. Literally. But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the person that says, Well, you can pay for your child, and I don't care if you lose your house because that's NOT MY PROBLEM. That's not how I was raised. Is that how you were raised? Take care of yourself and only yourself first and then whoever else is after, gets whatever??? Think about the example you are setting and the message you are sending to your DH. As far as BM here, we are holding her to her obligation, but we are trying to work it out where she meets the obligation, but does not lose her home because of it. Does that make me stupid? Or, does that make me FAIR? (I cannot wait to hear from a lot of you, that yes, I am stupid!! ha!)

Have totally separate accounts on everything for now, until his kids are grown and he stops paying CS. This was at the suggestion of our estate lawyer, because I have some inheritance money, and he still has debt he's paying down, so we're in kind of different financial places, and we don't want the BM to find out anything about my financial state and try to take advantage. (We may be going to court one of these days b/c she hasn't been complying with the divorce decree and owes my DH some money.)

We'll combine our accounts once we're absolutely, positively sure that we are free and clear of BM in terms of money!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

We have joint accounts, since we were engaged (a year before we actually married) but I got laid off right before we married and have not started working again in the last 2 years. I go to school and stay home with our baby, so the only "income" that comes from me now is the CS I get for my oldest. DH supports our family. So whether I'm working or not, to me it works out since we pay BM less than half what we get from my exH...and now my exH just pays DHs ex (BM) directly & gives us the rest. Weird situation, but for now it works!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Joint account... I don't work though... so is pretty much "his" (our) money, and I have a card...
And also, NO Child support...

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's