So when DH and I settled into bed last night he made the first move to talk to me about what is going, which that in itself was a big move.

Some of the highlights:

* He is stressed- he feels he has a lot going on right now and he isn't handling all the added responsiblites that well. (This would be helping MSD in her new apartment and SS got a junker car that needs work.)

* He is unhappy with his job. He has been looking for another one. (I agree that this makes him depressed.)

* He feels like I complain too much. (probably partly true)

*He said he is busy doing stuff and doing side jobs and that I just dont see it. (I explained that he doesnt communicate these things to me. Plus he is always helping someone else out and he needs to be doing more stuff around OUR house. I believe have of his statement as I think he enjoys tinkering around on someone's car all while drinking and hanging with his buds.)

*He is maybe open to counseling. (I think if I force it, he will go though.)

The biggest thing regarding my bio and his bios.

He is holding resentment that I dont have a relationship with his kids. He didnt outright say it like that but said something like I dont spend any time with his kids or want them around.

I had to explain to him (yet again) that I tried sooooooo many times, only to be rejected by them or have to deal with their attitudes and issues. I am not sure if it has sunk in to him that I have done everything I can , short of just shutting up and letting them walk all over me and him.

I do think though if I made more of an effort regarding the skids that it would help us. So not sure how I feel about that one. Can I ease up, even just a little if I think it will help our marriage?

I explained to him WHY are you so surprised that your kids act the way they do when they were mostly raised by BM? Why are you so surprised that they treat me, the SM like crap, knowing how BM is??? He was like yeah I know they aren't raised properly. Um no they aren't. So why are you surprised I dont want to be around them??

He had complaints about BS8. Some of it was legit. Some of it was stuff his own kids have done but he rationalized it with "Well they dont live here." Oh so because they dont live here that means they can act stupid and rude and whiney and disrepectful? That makes no sense.

Some of the statements about BS contradicted themselves. Like BS should be in bed by 8. But I wont watch BS while you go to Zumba, so you have to take him. (Zumba ends at 8). Like you cant have it both ways.

He basically wants me to Parent BS, how he thinks I should or how he sees fit. But he doesnt want to parent him himself or be invovled like that. So basically he wants to tell me how to parent him but no be involved. That makes no sense to me. Again, can't have it both ways.

He has vents about BS that were petty. They were things that are normal for his age. However, because DH grew up in such a neglectful home were he was basically raising himself since he was a toddler, he thinks that BS is being coddled and baby. That is not the case. I look at my friends and family and how I am raising BS is the "norm". How DH was raised and then in turn raised his kids is not the "norm".

Some other things regarding BS, is that DH is mad that my Ex, BS's dad isn't around more or paying CS. Both are issues out of my control.

CS- he is "paying" the very bare minimum to not get put in jail. I have called CS. Seems that unless I am on welfare, they dont take a CS case like mine seriously. However, my lack of CS effects DH in no way. He doesnt pay for anything for BS.

How often my Ex takes BS. Again, out of my control. Ex works weekend. He cant take EOW off to get BS or he will lose his job. He doesnt have a liscence or car and lives 45 mins away. He has to rely on rides to get BS. I just dont push the issue because #1 my Ex is a PASer, so really the less time BS spends with him, the better. #2- Ex's life is already crappy enough, I'm not going to harp on him about not seeing his son. I know if he could, he would see him a lot more.

Also DH doesnt like it when BS talks about BD. However, its okay when his own kids do it. "Because they dont live here". And BS isnt speaking about BD to hurt DH or to be mean. He is just telling us a story. And it's really not that often.

DH is also mad that BS asked for a sibling and I told him he wouldnt be having any. BS said "Why because DH can't have kids. Well maybe you can have one with my dad."

This was spoken on Easter morning and DH is just now bringing it up. Guess he has been pissed this whole time about it. BS is 8. He doesnt know where babies come from. All he knows is that he wants a sibling. He knows that me and his dad had him, so it would make sense in his mind that his dad and I could have another one.

I feel that DH is "blaming" me and BS for a lot of things that are out of our control. Or he is being petty and nit picky over little stuff. While some are legit and we can work on them, the majority are just really stupid things, IMO.

I still feel like we have a lot to hash out, so we will need to get into counseling. I need to see him step up with BS for me to even be happy in this marriage. I guess that will be a deal breaker for me at the end of the day.

His drinking problem also needs addressed. Baby steps though, as I do want to see some progress on other things before I even put time and effort into tackling that with him.

BS is with his dad this weekend, so it will give DH and I more time to talk about things.

Thanks everyone for reading this... I know it was very long. Also thanks for your support yesterday. (((HUGS)))