Those of you who just want to vent and dont want advice

For those of you that come to ST just to vent or badmouth the skids or BM, why is that you don’t want the help that people offer you here?
Sure the skids or BM can be awful and deserve some of the shit that is said about them. But wouldn’t a SOLUTION be better?

If you come here and vent about the same thing over and over and over, does that make you feel better as opposed to finding a solution to your problem and making a change in your life? Does venting here actually make you feel that much better and solve the issues long term?

This is obviously a place for people to vent. It says so what in the title.

I guess I don’t understand though venting about the same thing over and over not WANTING advice on how to correct the problem so that you can happier and healthier.
I would think if you truly want to just vent, then do it in a place where NO ONE will respond to you. Like a diary or something. Because when you do it here you are doing it in a community where people can respond.

I am just really curious and this is a serious question. I am just trying to understand some people more

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Because misery loves

Because misery loves company?

Hell if I know, that's why I mostly lurk. It puts it into perspective how not bad things are and what not to do. Venting and aimless bitching is sometimes required IMO that should be the exception not the rule.

Carry on.

Oh I am going to have to

Oh I am going to have to steal your last sentence and put it in my tagline!

Yep

"But I also think it's hard

"But I also think it's hard to take advice on how to maybe correct a situation when you don't want to change it, not really. It's much easier to just vent and have people sympathize, lol. . ."

LOL! Totally true! And sometimes a vent is all you need before you take a deep breath and figure it out FOR YOURSELF. (Although that's seldom the "posting the same thing over and over" stuff.) I actually have a situation right now (not step related) that I was venting to my mom about. Mom told me (correctly) that I needed to find a way to get the person I'm having the issue with "on my side". My mom was totally correct, and I DID already know that, I just wanted to be able to vent for a bit! (I just told my mom that I agreed with her and explained how I was going to do that though - I didn't tell her that she shouldn't give me advice at all! But then my mom is pretty much the smartest person I know - I would NEVER turn down her input.)

Or maybe people just cant see

Or maybe people just cant see how to change it. They know they need to change it because it makes them unhappy, but they just dont know how to get there yet. I am sure when I was with my Ex and he used to cheat and be a tool and I just vented about it over and over and did nothing to actually change it. It was like I knew I need to change it, people where telling me how to change it, yet I just couldnt logically figure out how to apply that to me and my situation. I just had to eventually learn on my own.

This is what I think too.

This is what I think too. Some people just like having something to whine about. Almost like they would rather feel pain/hurt then not feel anything at all.

Or there are people who just dont know how to be happy. They dont know how to get through life without having some kind of issue or problem.

I think some people really

I think some people really just want everyone to agree with them. They want posters to say, yes that 10 year old is a little bitch. They want to receive cyber high fives for sticking it to a kid. They look for encouragement when the SK is slighted in favor for their BKs.

I think some people assume that a board full of SMs will always side with another SM no matter. They don't realize that pretty much everyone here cares about kids. As a whole, we will not just cosign on someone mistreating a kid just because that person happens to be a SM.

I would like to think and

I would like to think and hope that we all do actually care about the skids even just as human beings.

And if I am being awful to a skid I would hope that someone would call me out on it. I mean really, who wants to be that bad person, picking on a kid just because they are a skid, for example.

This was a huge shock to me

This was a huge shock to me on my first visit, the way people talk about or refer to a child... A CHILD. You're the big person here, act like it. I'm not saying I'm never going to get irritated with any of our kid's, but you will not catch me calling them bitches, little shits or anything else of that nature. Maybe I just got lucky, between the 5 of them they are all good kids, they treat each there and the adults well and if they don't that shit gets nipped in the bud really quick!

I'm very expressive in my

I'm very expressive in my language so I have called the girl skids bitches. But they are imo. I haven't said it to their faces. But here I have. But I feel "justified" because I deal with them, they are bitches and they are older.

But on that same note I have felt bad for some of the skids here when they are called names and *I* dont think its justified. I think a lot of the name calling comes out of frustration and anger and resentment and saddness.

Sometimes no amount of advice

Sometimes no amount of advice is going to help. For example, most of my frustration in my situation come from BM being self-centered garbage and SS having disabilities. SS is in as many therapies as we can find. No amount of advice fron these wise ladies is going to get BM to get her shit straight. Sometimes you need to get things off your chest so it doesn't slip at the wrong time.

Yes I can understand this.

Yes I can understand this. Sometimes there are no solutions. (Other then leave/divroce, etc which is not an option for some)

Exactly this. I welcome the

Exactly this. I welcome the advice, and a lot of it I make a real effort to use other peoples advice. But honestly, like you said, no amount of advice will work for my situation. Basically I truly believe there is no solution to my family problem specifically and DH knows this. We have to just take everything day by day. Both BM and SD are both so emotionally unstable and now BM has just married someone equally as crazy as her. Nothing will ever get fixed. Nothing will ever change. The only thing that ever changes is how I react to certain situations. DH spends the time with SD that he can and tries to enjoy it. Other than that, they don't exist to us. Our lives go on when she is not around. I come on here to vent about the stupid crap she does and BMs craziness. Sometimes peoples advice truly does help ME with coping etc. and for that I am forever greatfull to all of you

Sigh she's a tough one. I try

Sigh she's a tough one. I try very hard not to comment on her posts. Today I couldn't shut it. I really should have but I was struggling. We dream of her problems.

This is why I'm like why does

This is why I'm like why does someone WANT to create problems and be miserable? WHY?

I don't know. What I do know

I don't know. What I do know is there is a little girl out there who is getting a very raw deal. She will grow to become a SM basher with low self esteem and daddy issues. What a bloody mess.

I feel very bad for her. Poor

I feel very bad for her. Poor girl.

You mean the Toyota Corola?

You mean the Toyota Corola? Ha ha ha ha

She just called you liar. At

She just called you liar. At least she didn't accuse you of using black magic to make other posters think she's a monster.

Watching her come unhinged today was kind of sad. Can you imagine what it must be like for a 10 year old to have to deal with that? The kid doesn't stand a chance when it comes to defending herself against an adult who back tracks and plays the stupid semantics game.

And her husband is just a

And her husband is just a guilty for subjecting his daughter to her.

I missed the blog. Time zone

I missed the blog. Time zone gets in my way.

And to answer your question, cuz I wannnnnnnnnaaaaaa!!!!!! That's why. }:)

You will take my advice and

You will take my advice and you will like it! }:)

As long as you spank me as

As long as you spank me as well. }:)

The difference with you

The difference with you though is that you at least listen to the advice. You dont just brush it off. You may not agree with it. You are engaging in your posts and I feel that you at least want a solution.

Zero - A little story about

Zero - A little story about Shaman and how she shares your frustration in this matter.

I used to be a big time, bible-thumping christian.

Except.

I'm question girl and I would get pissed when my questions would be answered by self-righteous turds with the standard "You're just a baby christian, someday "god" will take the scales from your eyes so you will see clearly."

Fuck.

That.

Noise.

If you don't know the answer just say so, but don't bullshit me.

So anyway.....

I used to go to retreats, which were required for the Sunday school teachers. Until, I reported back after my third retreat, that I was asked not to return.

Why?

In the course of eighteen months, I attended my third retreat and there was a woman there who always asked for prayer for the same problem. Every six months, we all shared the pleasure of listening to her tell us her issue and asking for prayer (somehow I got stuck in her group....again). I was asked to lead the prayer, but instead I stopped and said "Wait. This is the third time in eighteen months you have asked for prayer for the same thing. Before I do this I want to know what you expect from this and what YOU'RE going to do about your situation. Because I don't feel we should waste god's time praying for you if you're just sitting around waiting for a change."

Crickets. Then a bunch of whispered oh mys.

The coordinator came over and asked if there was a problem, I said yes. I refuse to pray for someone that only comes here to complain but refuses to do anything to change her circumstances. That nothing will change for her unless SHE gets up and makes the changes. Why are we wasting our time on her in prayer? Why aren't you counseling her instead and then asking god to give her strength to make the changes??

I won't bore you with my memory of the rest of the conversation, suffice it to say, I barely managed to escape being burned at the stake for being a heretic and a witch. Then I was asked not to return to these retreats because they are obviously "not for me". They also got someone to pray for Debbie Dramaqueen.

My point is, some people will never do what it takes to change themselves or their circumstances because they enjoy the attention. They are basically boring people, with boring lives, and by refusing help or refusing to change, they are able to continue the excitement they receive from continued drama. All they want is validation and high fives.

When you think about it, we should pity those people, because it's sad to think their manufactured drama is all that keeps them going.

ETA - I get the venting part, but I'm strictly speaking of those who "vent" about the same issue(s) over and over, while refusing to change or take any offered advice to make changes.

Agree with what you said.

The H is a lazy entitled

The H is a lazy entitled selfish piece of shit. His daughter is exactly the same, what is wrong is she needs to get rid of them both. She has no kids with H, get rid of his lazy mean selfish entitled ass and the little bitch he's raising to be just the same. Instead H gets a free pass and SD gets all the blame, reality, they are both worthless.

Edited to add: a normal child who was raised well would not have a shit fit like a toddler in public over a f...... Key chain, a normal well raised child who understood the value of money would accept a substitute . Such as waiting for a coupon that included the key chain. Waiting for a coupon at Walgreens. Doing a DYI dollar store key chain craft. Good kids wait and understand the value of money. Entitled poorly raised brats have massive toddler temper tantrums in public over useless shit. Clue: mom and and dad have FAILED.