If a friend lied to you
I have a friend that lied to me. She has to know I know she lied. I don't think she would have lied herself but I think she lied to cover for a group of "friends" that she was out with. (Kind of long back story).
Originally I ignored the lie and the next her and I had texted about something else (to do with our kids and our planned/booked family vacation this summer) and I had planned to talk to her about the lie when I saw her in person.
The next day some petty stuff took place with the group of "friends" and I tried to call her and she ignored my phone call. Then the next morning I tried to call her and she didn't answer again. I sent her a text "Quit ignoring me. 
Call me when you can". She responded back that they (her DH and kids) were heading to breakfast and fishing, then she would call me later. She never did. But then we talked online about a Walking Dead meme later that night.
At this point I don't know what to do. The lie wasn't that big of deal. I felt more disappointed in her lie as opposed to mad that she lied to me. I felt too that she lied because she may have felt that she was caught in middle.
Overall I think she is a good person that may be getting pulled into an issue I have with a mutual friend of ours (frenemy).
I hate having unresolved issues with people I care about and it drives me CRAZY! Sometimes I feel like I push for resolution (or to at least clear the air) and that can be a turn off for people who may avoid confrontation. (DH comes to mind with this scenario)
What would you do at this point? I feel like if I don't get a resolution that I will naturally pull away. Also I want to be careful on how to deal with this because her son and my son are good friends and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
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Some people run from
Some people run from conflict. She is probably one of those that will try to lie low until she thinks you've forgotten about it. I think I would move past it. I would let my friend know I don't care for them but I wouldn't try to have a sit down with her. Just blow it off unless she does it again.
Yes it's probably best to
Yes it's probably best to just blow it off. I guess it's disappointing to learn a friend isn't as good as a friend that you thought they were.
There is WAY more to this
There is WAY more to this story but I sent her a text saying "Keep this 100% between us but I saw you guys at dinner and I'm a little sad I wasn't invited."
I was hoping she would say who made the dinner plans (again way more to this story, as I realize this all sounds stupid and petty) such as "Oh Linda invited us all."
Instead she responds back 20 minutes later which tells me she conferred with the group and then sent a very long made up text about how she just happened to run into friend 1, who was with friend 2 and friend 3 came into the restaurant too with some friend from out of town and it wasn't planned and they were all JUST talking about how we need to plan a girls night...blah blah blah." It was almost embarrassing how made up the text was.
One of the other girls in the group later told me it was the other 2 in the group that made the plan.
So I guess I'm sad that she didn't keep my text between her and I. And she lied.
Yes. Group of 6 of us. Friend
Yes. Group of 6 of us.
Friend 1- The Frenemy
Friend 2-My friend that lied
Friend 3- Friend
Friend 4- Friend, also besties with Friend 3
Friend 5- Friend, closer with Friend 1 (But only through texting)
Friend 6- Me
Friend 5 and I finally realized, hey Friend 1 keeps inviting (we think) friends 2,3 and 4 to all these fun things- but never including us. But Friend 1 always texts us saying she misses us and can't wait to see us but then 2 days later she is hanging with the other friends. This has been going on for about a year.
All of the other friends, Friend 5 and I are invited to their outings. I guess there could be times we aren't and we don't know about it, but it seems like every time the 4 of them are together, it's at Friend 1 house, etc.
I really just wanted Friend 3 (who I thought me and her were the closest out of the group) to tell me so I knew who to be "mad" at. I really needed confirmation that Frenemy had been doing this so I could then move on. Friend 3 and I have even talked about her exclusion of me before.
Ah, you typed this after I
Ah, you typed this after I posted my question.
That sucks. I hope you don't stay mad too long. Don't let them rent space in your head - they're not worth it.
Thank you. I need to get over
Thank you. I need to get over this. I am PMSing, so I think it's making me feel worse about this then I normally would.
I know my worth and when people throw me shade I usually take the hint and find better people to keep my time with.
I guess because I was caught off guard somewhat, that is why I am bothered so much by it.
Zero, am I reading this
Zero, am I reading this correctly? That you were purposely excluded from a group of friends that usually does things together??
Yes... read above.
Yes... read above.
Sorry - I scanned quickly. I
Sorry - I scanned quickly. I think I'd be more upset over the group excluding me than the friend lying. Did she lie because she doesn't want to tell you why you were not contacted?? I'm sorry.
It started off a few years
It started off a few years ago all 6 of us doing stuff- dinner, girls nights, get togethers at our house. I first took notice of being excluded last July. Friend 1 had a 4th of July party at her house. I felt like the exclusion was coming from Friend 1 but the others were going along with it. I think friends 1, 2 and 3 are closer. I always thought Friend 4 was just invited and just went a long with it. She's very fun and likeable.
I noticed that the 4 were hanging out and doing stuff but I wasn't invited. I would still continue to invite them all to my whatever I planned and things were fine. At this point I didn't know that Friend 5 wasn't being invited. I noticed she was never there either but I didn't know if she was just busy or what. Finally last weekend we had a discussion about it and it came to light that Friend 1 wasn't inviting either of us.
Yes I may have put her in the
Yes I may have put her in the middle.. so not sure if this is my fault... like I should have never even asked her the question that made her lie?
Friend 2 and 3 would go to
Friend 2 and 3 would go to Friend 1. Friend 4...not sure... before the other night I would say my event but now I am not so sure...
I really like what you said.
I really like what you said. I feel that my text to her may have put her in a rock and hard place. At the time I felt like her and I were good enough friends that she would keep my comment between her and I and she would respond back. I didn't think she would lie. When she responded back with the lie I regretted asking her because it almost created more of an issue.
I have felt like the frenemy had been excluding me and I have been struggling to figure out where I stand with her. I was hoping that my friend would respond back that Frenemy planned it. I 100% was going to just leave it at that but take the move to finally cut the Frenemy off but leave our group of friends out of it.
I didn't think at the time I was putting her in an uncomfortable spot but I can see how that may have been the case.
I guess it would really
I guess it would really depend upon the lie itself and where you think she may have been coming from when telling you the lie.
Was she invited to something you were not and she didn't want to be the one to rub that in?
Did someone else say something about you and she lied to cover it up hoping it would go away.
To be honest, someone who is non-confrontational may lie to someone that is known to be a "confronter" Their level of un comfortableness with a confrontation may make them lie to avoid it!
Write her off and find new
Write her off and find new friends. She is not your friend.
Question, are you mad because
Question, are you mad because it was a large group of them meeting without you or would you feel the same if you saw just 2 of them out eating dinner?
Large group.
Large group.
Agree
Agree
I think she is used to being
I think she is used to being the fun friend. The one that plans parties and has other people over. I am the same way. But I am More the Merrier! OR more things to do, Great! So I think it may have been a competition thing. While my events don't interfere with hers, she just likes being the only one who plans "fun" stuff.
I think she also likes people that she can control. She has probably picked up on me not wanting to engage in her drama. I think she can see that I am a good friend and I stand up for others and I look for the best in others.
As far as losing weight... I did drop this frenemy over the weekend...so I definitely lost some weight there
So awkward and frustrating.
So awkward and frustrating. It sounds like she was trying to spare your feelings but it wouldn't sit right with me. Sorry Zero!
I think she got the text and
I think she got the text and then told the group (I am 100% sure they were all still together) and they sat and figured out the best thing to say.
Just for laughs here is the
Just for laughs here is the text she sent to me:
I promise u it wasn't planned. I forgot to drop off son's singlet so I dropped it off at Friend 2 (Coach's wife) and found out she was at restaurant with Friend 3 so I stopped there. Then Friend 1 walks in with her friend from out of town . Husband got mad at me because I just said I was going to drop off the singlet and be right home. (Doing this would be VERY out of character for this friend.) I promise you it wasn't planned. And actually we are trying to figure out a girls night on a weekend night not a Thursday (same night this happened) so we can actually hang out and have fun. If you think of any ideas let Friend 1 know.
Thank you everyone! I really
Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the advice and support even if I didn't respond back directly to everyone.
Frenemy is a beeyotch. What
Frenemy is a beeyotch. What hooey. I do not understand these women who cling to (what I call) Mean Girl High School Dramatics.
Sometimes it is a blessing to
Sometimes it is a blessing to not have many friends, so glad I don't have to deal with this sort of stuff. Your whole tale sounds exhausting to keep up with. Sometimes in groups of friends there are sub groups and not all of us get to be part of them. Just get on with your life and ignore it all. If you are not invited, so be it. If you don't get on with one or two of the group and if you don't want to invite them to the next thing you organize/host invite just those that you want there.
Zero - stop stalking her
Zero - stop stalking her lol..... you are making her scared....
nah you contacted her, she ignored you, go on with your life, she can call you when ever she wants to, then decide this little fable she told, was it to be evil or to spare your feelings.... if it was to spare your feelings.. let it go...
if it was to be evil.... pretend to ignore it, never forget it and make sure the friendship does not grow to more.. keep her at a distance, you do not need people like this in your life
Ok, I read through all the
Ok, I read through all the comments and responses so hopefully I'm somewhat up to speed!
This is such a multi-layered challenge. Here are my $0.02.
As soon as you said, "Keep this between us..." you started playing the gossip/manipulation game. That's not really your style, from what I 'know' of you via STalk, so I imagine that you would have already been feeling uncomfortable as soon as that text was sent.
The reason it's manipulation is because, like you wrote above, you said it hoping to elicit a reaction along the lines of what you wanted to know... but you didn't ask directly. You did get a reaction, but it didn't answer your question and in fact, opened up another can of worms.
I can imagine you were just trying to avoid conflict. And given that it's a large group, it's tough to know where you should be pointing fingers/asking questions. If you directly asked your friend why you weren't invited, that might not have gotten you any information either if she wasn't the one setting up the evening.
I was glad to read that you've dropped the deadweight. Nothing is more harmful to a happy life than gossip so those are the best people to avoid.
If you had to face the exact same situation again, I hope you pay attention to those feelings of being excluded sooner. No need to wait a year to take action! I get the impression you're quite a black/white thinker on things like this, so I imagine you were very uncomfortable with the whole situation. I'm glad it's come to a head then.
I actually feel much better
I actually feel much better about the situation today. I really appreciate everyone's advice. The general consensus is that they weren't as good as friends as I thought. We live and we learn.
And yes I am very black/white on most things. It is a relief to have some kind of resolve on this issue.
And I don't think I will see Friend 1/Frenemy much anymore. My son is moving on to JR High and her son is a year younger. So we will have at least 1 year of distance between us. I may run into her at mutual friends get togethers but I will cross that bridge when the time is closer.
As far as the friend that lied...I'm still on the fence about that one... but I haven't reached back out to her and she hasn't contacted me. I am just going to leave it alone. I hate for things to be "up in the air" but I'm not going to push the issue with her.
Another mutual friend is having a get together this Saturday and Friend 3 and 4 will be there. So it will be interesting...