My boyfriend only has his daughter every other weekend and wednesday, but when she is there... no sex. Occasionally, if he's really in the mood, we'll try to have really quiet sex after she goes to bed, but he still feels it's necessary to leave the door open a crack even though his bd is almost 9 (she freaks out if she comes out of her room and sees that our bedroom door is closed. She also freely walks in every morning and wakes us up, so no sleeping naked!). I'm not into it.

Um.. DH is uncomfortable having sex when kiddo is here, and since we have had sole physical custody for a year and a half... my sex life has changed alot since we first met. At first, he flat out refused to have sex when kiddo was here, which was always, and it took me literally a month (of having sex once the entire month when kiddo spent the night with his cousins) to convince DH that it was totally ridiculous. Kiddo came back after the months long legal abduction by bm (right before we got sole custody) with serious issues - saying sexual things, doing sexually provocative things - and we put him in counseling. It really freaked H out. It really freaked us both out. H has gotten a little more comfortable about it, but... we have a lot more sex when kiddo is with his cousins or grandparents (he doesnt spend the night with bm). He can say he just isnt in the mood all he wants, but in the end, im sure thats what it is... i dont feel the way he does, but i understand why he feels guilty "doing it" with kiddo in bed asleep, knowing that something happened to him but not knowing what... i can see how all those emotions and all that confusion and being in the mood but having just put kiddo to bed who still has some issues... i can see how that could kill the mood. Frustrating, yes. Understandable, yes. But ya, there is no more impromptu afternoon sex, instead of morning sex we have either "get ready for preschool" or saturday morning cartoons, sex at night is quiet sex because kiddo's room is right across the small hallway (next house will have a different geography lol), i have had a lot more outdoor sex since becoming custodial stepmommy (lol i hope our elderly neighbors turn their hearing aids off at night). But hey, when kiddo has a sleepover with his cousins... we get to let loose and break out the bondage gear and be loud and go to town so hey... pent up sexual tension is worth it LOL.

We make sure we are hitting it whether the kid is here or not. Neither of us is about to change that element of our marriage for anyone including the kid. We may be a little quieter and limit which areas of the house we use when he is here but we hit it just as often.

We have had sex in our home, hotels, our parents homes all when the kid is there. If we are in a single hotel room we take showers together and have shower sex. We even have sex when we are staying with family or friends in their homes. We keep the volume down and make sure we have a towel handy but we are just as active.

Best regards,

LOL..... after reading your postings all I can say is my poor poor poor husband

Sex definitely doesn't stop around here, even when the FSkids are over. It happens a bit less, but that's mostly because we're both exhausted. FH keeps the door shut at night whether we do or not, though, and the kids don't really come in - they're fine on their own for an hour or so before we get up and I think they've been taught you don't just walk into someone else's bedroom, because not only do they not come into our room but they don't really venture into each others' without knocking, either, which is a good thing. I think FSD9 came into FH's room -once- and she did knock, at least. We were too groggy and half-asleep to reply and she came in in to tell us that we forgot to put those croissants that proof overnight onto a pan and they had exploded the box all over the counter. IIRC the door was open a crack that night anyway.

Again, that was only one night so the kids wandering into the bedroom in the morning isn't a big concern. Lucky for us that means even if we're too exhausted to have sex we can still sleep naked and enjoy cuddling against each others' skin which is wonderful.

I'm actually a little more shy about flirting while the kids are over - FH likes to playfully hit me on the ass or press up against me downstairs when the kids aren't looking. I get nervous but I like it, and it's build up for later when everyone is in bed.

LOL.. I love it.. I still get nervous when the skids are over to have sex, and after we have to get dressed because SS sometimes likes to wake us up. Wait a minute who's us.. He wakes me up, which I don't get..lol Bf does like to grab my ass or play with my boobs when the skids aren't looking, again it makes me nervous but yet excited. lol

I need to stop being a nervous nelly.. haha and just wear more skirts }:)

Have fun with it.

Disappear to the garage for a quicky in a car. Close the door to the laundry room and try the washer out of balance on the spin cycle, on the stairs to the attic, in a closet (hanging clothes absorb a lot of noise), after you put the kids to bed do it under the Christmas tree, late at night on the front porch standing up with your clothes on (zippers, buttons and hooks can be manipulated for access), hell grope each other under the table during dinner it only takes one hand to hold a fork or a wine glass..... all of these help keep the marriage fresh and the marital bond strong.

I believe it is healthy for a child to see their parents, even if one is a step parent, in love, affectionate and caring for each other.

My own parents set that example and a very high bar for my brother and I. I am blessed to have found a woman who will make every effort to live up to mom and dad's example with me and I am glad to be her boytoy .... okay, make that man toy, um slave ..... what ever.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,