The positives and negatives of 50/50
FH and I have SD3 50% of the time. I adore having her so much, but she is a handful so at the end of our week (we do week on week off) we are always ready for a rest. By having SD only 50% it lets us still have time for vacations and alone time. However, BM is a crazy! I would enjoy the situation so much more if I was not scared for SD. BM has left SD alone in an apartment with the neighbors watching her from their apartment SO SCARY. Thank goodness that FH just happened to check on SD that day. The most recent stunt that BM has pulled was claiming that SD's burn was an accident. It was a cigarette burn, which is a jailing offence according to CPS. Obviously we reported it accident or not it is unacceptable! So after all this time with FH and SD I have come to the conclusion, 50/50 split time is great as long as both parties are responsible rational adults. If only the world was perfect.
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We did 50/50 with DH's 3
We did 50/50 with DH's 3 kids for a while. I HATED IT! It was expensive, and time consuming and no one had enough time to settle in to a routine before everything was thrown up in the air and switched around again. It was hell. I always suggested going to 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off so there was more time for everyone to settle in before they had to switch up again. Right now we do every other weekend. I love my SK's, they are all great, but thats more then enough for me... I like my privacy and personal time... If you are really concerned about your SD's safety you should persue full custody. Cigarette burns and leaving the baby alone... thats neglect and abuse.
50/50 To: New at this... Long
When I first met DH he had visitation (SD was 8 yrs old). We knew that BM was a little judgmental and we both did not agree at all with the way she treated SD or made her feel. DH hated the way that BM would tell her 8 year old daughter.. I'll be home at 5, and then not show up until 9 at night. SD was calling her daddy asking if BM was in a car accident because she wasn't home yet! And then DH and I would be like, who is even giving this kid dinner after school if BM is not there? We weren't sure if we could even get custody away from BM and BM played the whole "perfect mother" thing. Does this sound familiar?
But as SD got older we all (including SD) realized that it was only for show. BM only tried to be a "great mom" when people could see. Otherwise, she was only all about herself. This became even more obvious to SD, DH and myself when we took 50/50 custody. (SD was 11)
By the time SD was 14, she couldn't handle 50/50 anymore. She hated staying at her mom's and her mom still left her alone during her time, or shuffled her off to relatives on her weekends. Stepdaughter and BM fought constantly and SD became suicidal. We moved into SD's school district when she was 14 so that she could live with us full time. ( possibly would have happened sooner, but DH lost his job right before then)....
Having full custody is extremely difficult and DH and I do not get as much time alone as we would like. There are weeks with no time alone at all except when we go to bed. But Newatthis.. are talking about CHILD ABUSE. Leaving a 3 year old alone with the neighbor watching from their window is child abuse. A cigarette burn is horrible and disgusting. In my own opinion, DH owes it to his own CHILD to take her full time. She's young enough so that you can undo some of the damage from BM. As she gets older, if BM continues her crap, you will have more behavioral issues from SD. SD is young. You still will get alone time, you just have to plan for it a little better. And maybe you could ask someone to babysit her so you can go out on dates.
The question to ask yourselves is this... if something awful happens to your SD while she is in her BM's care (or lack thereof), how will you and your DH feel about it for the rest of your lives? When DH and I realized that SD was truly suicidal, the thought that she might do it, and we could have helped try to prevent it by giving her a real stable home life, was frightening. I couldn't live with that, let alone DH. I couldn't put my needs for time alone with my DH over the needs of a child. I would have loved to have been able to get SD when she was 3 instead of when she was 13/14.
Good luck! I hope it all works out!!
We have 50/50 as well
We have a 50/50 schedule as well and frankly it sucks! Be thankful that your schedule is week on/week off. Our GAL set up a wacko schedule that has the skids going back and forth every other day during the week and then e/o sat and sun. It has been completely horrible, as we don't have any ability to plan anything with or WITHOUT the skids. Each parent has one 4 day block per month and that's it. There's no working w/BM either (which is why we had to get a GAL involved in the first place). I consider 50/50 to be a form of cruel and unusual punishment...one foot in and one foot out. Living continually in purgatory. I would prefer to either have the skids full time or not at all. I think it just provides more opportunities to fight over stupid stuff because neither parent has the "final say".
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
Catlover
The 50/50 schedule that you are referring to is exactly what we did with SD over here and it did suck. It worked for her while she was younger, but when she got into high school and was more concerned with clothes, shoes, boys and friends, it really sucked for her and she hated it. She felt like neither home was truly hers and that she was just "camping out" at each place. She was already an emotionally fragile girl and this did not help. Can you change it?