I love my SO very much. While his kids make it very difficult, I still wouldn't trade him for the world. I think the hardest part, is feeling like I've lose some (not all) respect for him, now that I've had a better chance to see what kind of a parent he really is.

That's why we're all still here. If we didn't love DH, SO, BF enough to hang in there for him, we would have no reason to be here. We would be out riding our motorcycles along Waikiki and having drinks and dinner with surfer dudes or what ever seems nice.

But, here we are. Yes, we love 'em, but without this site I'm pretty sure I'd have less of a grip on sanity than I do anyway!

I think everyone goes through periods that you describe in their marriages.

The first two years that my wife and I were married I had several bouts of "what the hell have I done?" and "why did I do this AGAIN again?"

My XW and I had no kids. My wife had SS when we met and I became instant dad to a 1yo when we married.

However, we have had a 16yr marriage that has been incredibly rewarding for both of us and gets more and more enjoyable and adventurous every year.

Build a life with your DH and eventually you will get past the regrets of taking on a Skid and blended family drama. I have.

Good luck..

I love the big guy:)I'd do it again without question.What I wouldn't do again is give SD the chance to stomp on my heart and my feelings.

Honestly, I am GLAD I was naive and unaware and just plain bullheaded because SOMEHOW we made it through to the other side. It was rough, and many years of fights over skids. We just didn't have enough knowledge and we should have enlisted the help of counselors, in retrospect. We were so naive. He was a guilty dad, and I was at the end of my rope. We both now understand what happened, and I love my SO so much, I feel lucky to have survived the skids, now that they're out of our house. Believe me, they still factor in, but after reading Stepmonster, my DH and I are a united front.

Maybe if you both have knowledge about the common pitfalls of your situation, you will be ready to face them together and avoid most of the problems.

I know there were times when all I wanted to do was take my bio kid and RUN for the hills, or at least to our own little apartment where we could live in peace and cleanliness, free of jerks and germs. I fantasized about just visiting my husband but living in my own place.

You ask some really good questions.

I was with my ex for too long....I met him in HS. I never married him because I felt if I did....I would be pushed to have children. Number one....I don't like kids, I never wanted kids and I don't want to deal with kids...I prefer animals. Number two...I needed an easy way to escape...kids would have been a ball and chain, I knew for a long time something was not right (other than he beat the crap out of me). It turned out he was Bipolar with some other things going on. Freaking lunatic.

When I met my DH...I knew the second I met him that this is the guy I would marry. For almost the first year...I didn't meet his brat because the ex wouldn't allow it. WHen I finally met the brat...Holy Crap....the kid was the poster child for why I hated kids. BUT DH is awesome. WHen I moved in...we only had brat child EVERY F'ing weekend and whenever the EX dumped him on us. Every long weekend and hoilday was ruined and week only took vacations between the time she pick him up on Sunday and dropped him off on Friday. It sucked.

It got a but better...when we went to the 5-2-5...because we had EOW off from the monster, they were weeks I only dealt with him 2 days, and the CO would followed to a T. This is what the deal was when we got married.

Now the question is knowing what I know NOW would I still marry him??? I keep my relationship with DH separate from SS16....except for the times DH is being really stupid and I want to smack him upside the head over the brat. OK...in Feb BM dropped the punk here..we have 24/7 unless "she has the right amount of days off to see him". He has an out of bounds for the school....its a 50 mile a day drive, the kid has all kinds of freaking behavioral issues....some are learned, he has Aspergers, he stinks, drools, CONSUMES my life and sucks the life force out of me. If I had known it was this bad.....I would have thought twice and probably would have waited until the kid was put into a group home or went to college before I married DH.

I have my own place and I'm keeping it no matter what. We're maintaining both right now and mostly living in one, but I stay in my own cave when those people have their weekend. I know we can't go on forever like this, but that's how it works for now. Maybe a little space keeps the love, I don't know.

I think you can say that for any marriage OP-skids or not honestly. People change over time also. All couples go through horrid times -hence the divorce rate and infidelity rates. I knew my exh for quite some time but it ended up a horrible mistake. I refuse to go into this new relationship w/blinders now. I'm older-wiser, and been hurt enough. I know what to go for now.

It's about his CHARACTER-bottom line. Does he love me but more then that respect me, take my side over others even if he disagrees simply because I'm his girl and number one priority, is he a giver, does he let me in?

If/when we decide to marry it will simply be because-heck..why not-we're together all the time, it feels right and will probably just wake up one day-look at eachother and say "lets get married". It'll be that natural of a flow-neither of us will ever pressure the other to take a step we aren't ready for-it will probably happen simultaneously because we're that on board together in how we see us and our future. Nobody is ahead/behind the other in speed of relationship OR commitment or feelings. It's pretty darn mutual. He's been in my life 1 1/2yrs...a LONG time for me lol. He's here 6 days a week at least. He just got his own key this week. Not a minute before I was ready to do that. I trust him-he would never abuse that priviledge. His use for it would probably be me coming home to dinner on ocassion and/or picking up the kids for me if I'm working late-or to come do another of the things on the honey do list Or maybe sneak in one night I'm not expecting him and climb in bed

I was one who swore I would NEVER EVER marry again-and this is because of the one I had biokids with. But-it wasn't the marriage itself that was bad (though it was horrid)...it was the choice in man I and only me had made. Once I accepted that and made my change and left and healed for years on my own raising my kids-only then was I ready to open my heart up to love. Took many casual relationships and fun nights out-and BOY did I live it up and have fun

ANd now-it's going to be a blended family, and tough. But HE is worth it. Our relationship is worth it-it's one of those very rare, once in a lifetime, I'm a very lucky person to BE in a wonderful relationship now kind of thing. I know he's not perfect-he knows I'm not...but somehow I feel incredibly BLESSED and at peace with this man in my life. I'm 36, I've been a great person, and I've been succesful in most areas of my life except for relationships-until now.

I can't say down the road "if I knew then what I know now" because i'm getting to know NOW what will be then...if that makes sense. There are no surprises...I'm seeing it all upfront.
LOTS of time watching his parenting, his actions with me, my kids, our families, his ex (he does NOT cater to her and he has NEVER put her demands over me....he's got his priorities straight for sure, watchi him with our pets, taking time and seeing him over different seasons (we both get depression in the winter), we moved slowly towards exclusivity, then committed relationship-everything has taken it's time.

I know you're relationship was unconventional and rushed and you probably didn't get to know him and his kid the way you should have done BEFORE marriage..but that doesn't mean it won't work!! I honestly think it has to do w/how well the couple gets along. Compatibility, chemistry, being considerate, kind, putting their needs first-if you BOTH do that it's the best thing in the world.

And not only love-but RESPECT...if he respects you and you him it WILL go well. Even amidst crazy bm's and unruly skids. The common denominator in the relationship going well or not is how dedicated you BOTH are to making it work. You both have to want it, and care enough, and have a desire to make it work. Outside forces can be strong...but if you are strong together and love and respect and care and want it to work-it will.

And talk things through...this was a struggle for both of us in the beginning-many trust issues-shoot we still work on them. But now if anything is bugging either of us-we TALK about it, it's uncomfortable and sometimes it hurts but to leave it harboring resentment will just destroy us. He needs to respect your feelings and you his-with the bad and ugly and frustrations and hurt or anger-as WELL as sharing how you feel about him when he does things that just melt your heart. He cooks for us, or fixes something or cleans, or tends to my kids, or meets them for lunch at school. I thank him, repeatedly-you tell them how you appreciate all the things they do...he does the same. NEVER EVER take eachother for granted. Love is to precious for that. I've come along way...and right now this committed relationship is in a much healthier place then most marriages I know.
I know with our outlook we would totally make a marriage THRIVE-even with stresses from blended families.

Again-it boils down to how good of a person you found that matches you-and how much you both respect your relationship and the desire you have in your life for a good and lasting thing.

My relationship is still fairly new, but I would say I would do it all over again no matter what. He is a wonderful man, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
I know that there are gonna be days when I'm gonna want to pull my hair out ( and maybe his, lol) but I definitely want this man in my life, skid or no skid