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"dont you love him?"

youngmama1b1g's picture

After reading these blogs for I dont know how long...it finally happened. My H asked me, "dont you love him?" about my SS4. I just stayed quiet while he continued to say 'cant you love him the same way you do our BD?'
Thankfully Ive had steptalk to guide me, instead of responding- I stayed quiet while he talked struggling not to crack up laughing at the typical fatherly gut-check response to bring up love.
Because lets face it, its not about how much i care about him that hes asking that question. Because honesty i do love my SS4 and could never be hands-off with any young child.
So, of course, by staying quiet he finally revealed the true intentions- he felt Ive been too harsh on SS.

So, thank you Steptalk for teaching me to stay quiet on an issue that cant go anywhere (love) and focus on one thats provable (treatment).

Comments

youngmama1b1g's picture

You should explain to him that each child is different, but your expectations for behavior will always remain the same. And if he doesn't like the way you discipline, then he should be doing it.

kashamarie's picture

yeah girl!! I second that! My fiance always says to me I'm being hard on the kids, or that I get frustrated to easy,,,,,REALLY?? 4 SK, who are very spoiled, and I am caring for them & I am the one who spends all day with them, & has to deal with the consequences of 12 yrs of no dicipline, at all, so if I CAN teach them that they must follow rules here, and that they don't get anything they want by throwing a tantrum, and if it only sticks here at our house, then thats fine they can go back to their BM, and continue that behaviour, as long as they know the boundries here. They still get a ton of love, and positive rienforcement, & praise but in this house it is balanced with dicipline. I explained to my fiance that if he wants to continue to let them walk all over him, & have no boundries, than he is going to end up with the same result as his previous marriage. Because the BM let the sk get & do whatever they wanted to the point where she actually replaced her husband with her kids, spacing them apart as husband and wife, so that she could avoid working on her relationship with him, & that if he wants a different result we have got to try something different,,,,, such as the 6 & 9 yr olds not being able to sleep with him anymore,,,they say they need him, and can't fall asleep without him sleeping with them, but we started tonight. When you explain to men this way, they are able to see it differently