Pretty sure SO just pulled a "not my kid, not my problem" move....he will regret it shortly!!!!

I happened to go to bed early last night as between taking care of kids, working,taking care of SO who had shoulder surgery, being present at the hospital over 24 hours while AD19 gave birth, taking care of my disabled father, taking food to SO's father because his mom had knee surgery, and bringing SO's mom stuff in the skilled nursing facility where she is recovering, I have had a fucking EXHAUSTING week or so.
So my BS12 has been working on a project for school. I keep school supplies in a hallway cabinet, there's all kinds of art supplies, poster board, pens, pencils,etc. Seems that we are out of poster board and no one told me. BS has written his paper, done his drawings and graphs, etc...but needs to glue everything to a poster board. He asks SO to take him to the store, SO says no because he thinks he should not have waited until the night before. BS tries to wake me up and SO tells him he can't go in our room because I need to sleep.
Now this morning I ask SO if he can take him to the store and he says it's not his responsibility, even though I have to work. He says it's my kid so I can do what I want but he will not support procrastination. I could see his point if BS had not done any work on his project, but he only had 1 step left.
Regardless if SO wants to play by those rules, we can play. That can go both ways. I can stop pay on the check for your kid's activity, I can cancel you both from my insurance, I can refuse to help you fill in the blanks financially while you recover from surgery and I don't have to spend time worrying about your parents either!
I do not mean any disrespect to those on this site who have chosen or have been forced into this approach, but the way I feel about it is if my kid is not SO's problem then he and his are not my problem either!

Yosemite's blog
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My skids are here 50% - I

My skids are here 50% - I have done my best to disengage since i ran into the classic situation of DH wanting me to be mother only when he felt like it and I couldn't keep up when I was supposed to and not supposed to.

My 2 bios are here all but EOW when they are with their dad.

DH talks a good game about how much he loooooves my kids and calls them his own and blah blah. I love my husband, this was not a requirement on marriage - I am capable of caring for my own children 24\7 and they have a father - and I do care for my children 24\7 and do not ask for DH's help.

DH talks a good game like I stated, he SAYS all those things but he doesn't treat my children like his own (nor it is expected) but he often uses that 'talk' saying that he is disappointed that I don't love his kids like my own ... like he does mine.
DH has never been to any activity for my bios, he doesn't attend their daytime school events like plays, he has never taken them to an appointment, he will help with homework only if I ask him for some input, he sleeps in on days his kids aren't here avoiding any and all breakfast\school lunch duties. I don't have a problem with his disengagement, in fact, all I ask is that he do for his kids what I do for my kids and not dump it on me.

Disengagement when you have skids as much as we do isn't as simple as removing ones self from the situation. I make meals for all, do basic household duties for all - DH does help with the household duties, he does not help with meals.

I do not help with homework unless asked directly, the skids have to wait for their dad to get home. I do not remind homework needs to be done. I do not correct bad behavior unless its extending to someone getting hurt.

The problem is, DH is busy saying how I won't engage with his kids, but he doesn't engage with mine.

I go above and beyond - I pick up SS7 for him 3-4 days a week. I am stuck doing childcare for him on those days from 3ish - 7pm because I work from home and the kids are here while he is in the office (hiding). i make the meals for 6 people on those days, I make breakfast for 4 kids and school lunches for 4 kids on all those days. If you broke it down, I am WAY more engaged than he is by far - yet he is the one bitching that I hate his kids.... double standard much??

So - my kids are pretty much here almost full time and DH is disengaged I'd say - actually, I'd say he never really engaged in the first place, that is the primary difference and was the mistake I made, I engaged the first year only to be beat down into disengagement - I never should have stepped up in the first place and have been paying for it the last 3 years now.